Posted by Civilian Yavia Crockett (Nurse - Sacred Heart Hospital) in Tenkiller’s House- Tipping Point, Day 2

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Tenkiller’s House- Tipping Point, Day 2

Posted by Civilian Yavia Crockett (Nurse - Sacred Heart Hospital) in Tenkiller’s House- Tipping Point, Day 2

(snip)

Yavia smiled, “I know she will like it. She’s too sweet not to, but I hope it provides her the sanctuary she needs.” Plants weren’t just important to Sharah, but Yavia suspected they were essential and one Sharah felt she hadn’t ever been allowed to embrace. “Well I am going to take a quick shower to get all this flour off of me and then see what time they think they will be back, so we can start putting things in the oven. Can I get you anything first?” Yavia got up and grabbed a roll and hummed as the first bite melted in her mouth. So. Many. Memories.

Eela smiled. “No, I’m all right. You’ve been so kind and generous already, so thank you Yavia.” She peeled more off the roll, but was enjoying it simply for the pleasure it brought. she still had zero appetite and even her half eaten lunch had felt too much. Food right now was simply sustenance. Except for this roll, which was a small piece of joy.

Pulling out her comm, Eela sat there on the couch feeling rather strange. She wasn’t sure exactly where she was at, but she did know that something had shifted since she had posted her response. It was that feeling before of having to withdraw, hide. Knowing what she knew now, Eela could see a bit more clearly how if her response to Cory in the past had not been to fight, it was flight and then fawn. To go within and hide beneath a shell where she herself could not provoke further responses. Hell, even when she fought back with words, inevitably it was her who treaded on eggshells afterwards hoping to keep some sort of peace. Had it always been her doing the work? Surely not… but even as that thought surfaced she knew better. She had been fully honest in her reply to the vid. She and her life had become small and the evidence was right here, right now on Oed. Here she had been building a full and rich life. One where her relationships were authentic to the person deep down she had always been, the part of her that even a brain injury couldn’t touch. But mere minutes in Cory’s presence and she once had fled to her shell. It should have made her feel safe, but instead she felt claustrophobic.

She resented the hell out of it. And him.

Eyeing her comm, Eela sent a message to Roger telling him about the response with the caveat that she was staying away form the comments because that was a terrible idea given her state right now. Just sending the message and having that contact with him made her feel more at ease too. She wished he was here and she missed his presence. It wasn’t like they had gotten to spent lots of time together since her retirement, but more than they had since the Berlin, that was for sure. He’d been a constant presence in her life in one way or another for thirty-four years and they had seen each other through some really difficult times even if they were usually light-years away. Now was no different, but if she could have brought anything with her from Earth to Oed, it would have been Caridee and her family, and Roger. No question.

Finishing off her roll, Eela leaned back and tipped her head back, resting it against the back of the couch. Eyes closed, she allowed herself to just breathe and rest in a pseudo-meditation and be amazed that she could even do so right now.

~Eela

Yavia wasn’t gone too long. As much as she would like to indulge in a long soak, she didn’t need it. She turned on the house sound system and qued up a play list, but started a particular song first. She took her shower and made her calls while the music played.

I retired my red lipstick ‘cause you said you didn’t like it
I didn’t wear my high heel shoes
‘Cause I couldn’t be taller than you
I didn’t wanna lose my friends, but now it’s hard to even find them
It’s what you wanted, ain’t it?
It’s what you wanted

I thought I’d miss you (when it ended)
I thought it hurt me (but it didn’t)
I thought I’d miss you
I thought I’d miss you

But I miss me more
I miss my own beat, to my own snare drum
I miss me more
Miss my own sheets in the bed I made up
I forgot I had dreams, I forgot I had wings
Forgot who I was before I ever kissed you
Yeah, I thought I’d miss you
But I miss me more (I miss me more)

I put on my old records that I hid in the back of the closet
And I turn them up to ten
And then I played them all again
I found my independence
Can’t believe I ever lost it
What you wanted, ain’t it?
It’s what you wanted

I thought I’d miss you (when it ended)
I thought it hurt me (but it didn’t)
I thought I’d miss you
Yeah, I thought I’d miss you

But I miss me more
I miss my own beat, to my own snare drum
(I miss me more)
Miss my own sheets in the bed I made up
I forgot I had dreams, I forgot I had wings
Forgot who I was before I ever kissed you
Yeah, I thought I’d miss you
But I miss me more (I miss me more)

I thought I’d miss you
I thought it hurt me
And I’d wanna kiss you
I thought I’d miss you

But I miss me more
I miss my own beat, to my own snare drum
(I miss me more)
Miss my own sheets in the bed I made up
I forgot I had dreams, I forgot I had wings
Forgot who I was before I ever kissed you
And I thought I’d miss you
But I miss me more
(I miss me more)
(I miss me more)
(I miss me more)

Yavia (special thanks to Kelsea Ballerini, Miss Me More https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=2ll1DrlZgqk&feature=share)

Some might mistake the music for an intrusion on her mindfulness, but for Eela it was quite the opposite. In the special way that music could, it was echoing pieces of her thoughts and speaking aloud things she might not always have the capacity to say. A verse in and she moved to the kitchen to grab another roll (it was easy to eat and, hell, there was always room from fresh bread). Dressed still casually but more put together than earlier, Eela stood in the kitchen in her barefeet, as her body easily found the beat and began to sway. The swaying graduated to small steps and rolled up through the rest of her body. She was still careful not to stomp her heels and cause any shock through her spine (which would feel especially bad given how sore she’d been earlier before the medication and Jal’na had worked her magic). Taking bites of the roll, Eela closed her eyes and just danced without any self consciousness.

~Eela