Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Tenkiller’s House- Tipping Point, Day 2

Posted by Civilian Kenzo B’tren-Hyrushi (Governor) in Tenkiller’s House- Tipping Point, Day 2

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Tenkiller’s House- Tipping Point, Day 2
Posted by… suppressed (13) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Eela had finished slicing and began laying the green half-orbs out on the pan. “I can see that being lovely to do, especially when life in a hospital can be so chaotic at other times.”

“Actually, Sacred Heart is the first hospital I’ve worked at, other than my internships. I was a personal care nurse before this.” Yavia dried her hands and fixed two glasses of ice water and set them on the counter. “It should be about time for that optional anti-inflammatory Jal’na mentioned. Do you have it, or do you need me to get it out of our medkit?”

“Yes, I have it. I’ll take it as soon as I’m done here,” Eela said, smirking a little. It was the perk and the price of staying in a home with medical folk- nothing was going to slip by them.

“I’m honestly not good at being idle myself. I have my garden now though. Sharah helped me get it going because I wouldn’t have been able to on my own, or…”-she paused to consider how to phrase it-“I think it means more that we did so together. If I had had a landscaper come in and set everything up it would have been… lacking.”

~Eela

Yavia smiled, it was soft and loving and understanding. “Oh I know. That’s Sharah. She…perceives things in ways we can’t. She sees the soul of people and heals them. Even when we don’t know that’s what we need. She’s pure goodness in a universe that is often dark and dismal and vicious, and she just keeps going no matter what it takes from her. They are both like that, but that’s why they have me.” She grinned and waggled her brows, “To make sure they are taken care of.” She lifted her glass and paused, eyes closing and her head turned like she was listening to something. A playful smirk crossed her face after a moment and then she took a sip and set her glass down. The oven dinged, “Bread’s done.” She grabbed a mit and pulled the hot fresh delights out of the oven and set them to cool.

Yavia

Eela pulled the pan over with the ready to roast sprouts. “We all need that sometimes,” she said softly. And she agreed that Sharah was a special being. It was like she had known how hard it was for Eela to make friends these days and she had opened up a space for Eela she had been too scared to ask for (if she had even known how). “Smells wonderful! I can’t wait,” she said, eyeing the rolls.

She washed and dried her hands and then pulled out her comm. “I’m going to go take the med and also check in with Cort before he leaves the office for the day. Back in a few,” Eela said moving off to the den, taking her PaDD with her.

Eela knew it was time. She was calm and somewhat more rational. This was still going to be an emotional task but at least it might actually be bearable. She sent a group message to both Cort and Kenzo, forwarding the video: || Chances are you’ve seen this. I know what I want to do and we should talk. 5 min voice call?|| In this moment she understood what she had not earlier: she didn’t trust her own judgement, for a variety of reasons. Her professional life was different, but in her personal life? Right now she was second-guessing every damn thing and it had to stop somewhere. She needed to trust her intuition, trust herself, even if the result was imperfect and messy. If there was anything that was true right now it was that the situation was messy. If she waited till it was tidy, she’s be paralyzed in place forever.

~Eela

(snip)

Wasn’t that what that pile of holographic glass was supposed to have been for? It hadn’t been. So maybe this night at the tavern would be, who knew. But she also knew she was coming into the office. If less people were about, so much the easier for her to settle back into work. “It’ll be something else for sure,” Eela said.

“Cort, I’ll touch base with you tomorrow and you can walk me through where we are at.”
“Of course.”
“Also, there’s a lot happening this week with the Vren arriving and the embassy opening and everything else we have going on, but you and Elema also need to take breaks too. I know better than to tell you to go home early today, but try not to stay too late, understand?”
She could hear his smile in his voice. “Loud and clear,” Cort said. “Call me tomorrow. I’ll let you two talk. Take care of yourself, Eela.”

“I’m trying,” she said before Cort left the line and it was just her and Kenzo. She drew in a deep breath and sighed. “I got your note with the crate. Thank you, Kenzo. We made a couple of them and I know it will help with that step.”

~Eela

“Of course. You are most welcome. And I hope that this would not need to be said, but if you ever- at any time- need a place to escape to; you are welcome in my home.” There was a pause for a moment and then he asked “Now how are you? Full disclosure, please.”

Kenzo

Yes, she had even thought about going to his place, and there were reasons why she tried Sharah first, but now she wasn’t sure that had bene a great decision. There was a long silence on her end as Eela moved her pillow behind her back and leaned agains the headboard, allowing herself to stretch out. “Confused,” she said softly, closing her eyes. “I don’t trust my thoughts at all. Everything is suspect. And I wasn’t even joking about not trusting my reactions. I, um, lost my temper earlier and as it often has the last few years it’s created a bit of a mess. I panicked over the video, Kenzo, and I still don’t think people understand fully why. I get that everyone wants me to put Cory in his place, exact some sort of retribution, hell, make him suffer, whatever. But that’s not me. You know me better than most people here do, and you and I are in a position on this colony that others are not. I didn’t have the words to express that I didn’t have the capacity right now to deal with this being public. But it is, and it no longer matters how I feel about it. Because the damage is done, all around. Roger and Caridee know. Roger sent me a message asking about the video and that’s how I found out about it and I could tell by context that Caridee found it first. I, um”-she sucked in a breath, forcing back the tears-“I walked them through what happened, and it was terrible. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. Because Cory’s torpedos didn’t just strike me, they’ve hit everyone closely connected to me.” The metaphor worked for her and felt rather appropriate all told. “And now I have to pull myself together because we have mere days before the Vren get here and I can’t hide myself away. I don’t get time. So fine, I will muddle along with my personal issues, but you and I both know it cannot affect how I go about my work. I don’t care how understanding the public might be, it would be unforgivable given the historical magnitude of what we’re about to do here. And I won’t let Cory ruin this for me.”

~Eela

There was a long, long silence.

“Retribution is a waste of energy.” Kenzo began. “And to reiterate from the previous evening. I can assure you that your ex-husband will never bother you again. I can also assure that he will never contact you again. And no, he is not harmed. But I ensured it was made abundantly clear that he is not welcome around you except by your own request. He will not ruin anything. So please… if you can… let go of at least that concern.” There was another pause. “You spoke of not having the capacity to deal with the public knowledge. Yet… you are dealing with it. And as you also said, you can’t change that. So we will try to not fixate on what is unchangeable. Now to the torpedoes… I understand how that analogy works for you, Eela. But I want you to think of it through another lens, if you will. You speak of the damage those torpedoes he launched at you spilled out to those around you. And you are encumbered and anxious about that… understandably so. But always keep one thing in mind… that damage is not yours to carry. You did not cause it. You were not even the agent of that damage. To take your analogy a step further back: He launched the torpedoes, not you. Even in warfare, the target of an attack is not responsible for the damage the attack caused. You are taking on pain that you have no right to, Eela. The pain he caused you is yours. The pain he caused those of us here? Those on Earth? That is not your pain to have. That belongs to us. And it is up to us to deal with that pain however we can. You cannot hurt for us. And doing so minimizes your own pain, and does a disservice to those around you trying to help you. When he did what he did, he hurt you. And by causing you pain, he- not you- hurt those of us around you. He did that. It is his burden to carry. And it is the right of everyone who cares about you to experience their pain and anger as they wish. If that means talking through it… or yelling and punching something… or perhaps something more direct. Whatever it is, that is between those he hurt and him. It doesn’t require your approval or your knowledge. So it is not a burden you need to carry. Alright?”

Kenzo

Intellectually a part of her had known that. Mostly likely the clinician. But that experience and knowledge was not available to her, nor was it appropriate at the moment. So while the explanation was an obvious one, she had needed to hear it spelled out, just like that. In fact Eela was certain she would need to hear other things spelled out as she went through the process of working through her feelings. But his exact phrase ‘burden to carry’ made her exhale in, yes a sigh, but also a release. Wasn’t that the whole shtick between her and Cory? She carried the blame, the responsibility for everything. She tried really hard to remember a moment before the conversation in her apartment where he had openly admitted where he had contributed to the friction and she couldn’t find one. “Yes, thank you Kenzo. I did need to hear that.”

Eela inhaled deeply and fully before she continued. “He knew… Roger. He wasn’t surprised in the least and that’ll be a whole other conversation he and I will have later, but… you knew too, didn’t you? I only just had told Sharah about the thoughts in my head and started seeing a therapist about it, so it feels new to me. But I can’t help but feel you knew better.” It was the night they learned about the Vren, drinking on his patio that first time and her explaining the whole thing about the Khari and admitting her feelings had stopped feeling safe with Cory afterwards.

~Eela

“You are an insightful, intelligent, and cunning individual Eela. When you say that someone makes you feel ill at ease… I listen.” Kenzo said. “Now you just have to listen to you.”

Kenzo