Posted by James Sinclair in Follow Up to Move Forward

Posted by Lieutenant Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Follow Up to Move Forward

Posted by James Sinclair in Follow Up to Move Forward
Posted by… suppressed (7) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Four days. It had been four days and Sharah really didn’t want to have this conversation. She felt more despondent than she had before. Which was all the more reason to not avoid it. She knew it was a process and she had to just let it happen. She felt like she hadn’t had time to process, and she knew that was her fault. Yes the hospital was busy, but she kept her word and never stayed past her shift (a magnificent feat considering she was a doctor). She didn’t allow herself to process, she didn’t want to. Avoiding it wasn’t healthy. It was painful, but healing was never easy. She didn’t particularly like herself for avoiding it. There were a lot of things she didn’t like about herself. There were times her thoughts turned very dark and staying away from her quarters helped. It didn’t matter if she was around people or alone, just so long as she wasn’t here.

Here, her quarters, is where she needed to be at the moment. It ensured she wouldn’t be interrupted and had privacy. The Star Fleet symbol rotated around and around as the connection was made and then secured.

Fayth, SFCMO

The screen lit up to a scene identical the one the last time she had made this particular call. An average-looking man with bright eyes behind glass lenses in wire frames looked up and he smiled. “Sharah. Hello. How are you feeling today?” he asked, his tone warm and supportive. “And how did you do with your homework?”

Korczak, Counselor

There was something very reassuring about the average looking man on the other side of screen. Average looking but nothing average about it. There were depths of understanding and intelligence there. And something…intangible, that Sharah had felt the first time she met him, that trust was never misplaced with him. Maybe she was being fanciful or just needed to believe that. She had spoken with psychiatrists and counselors most of her life, but she found Korczak to be extremely easy to talk to. “Hello, Cmdr. Korczak. I’m feeling…despondent today. I did…okay with the homework, I think.”

Sharah, SFCMO

Korczak waved off the title. “Janusz, please. I think we are past the point of needing to use formal titles. Tell me about your homework, then we can discuss your current emotions.”

Korczak, Counselor

“I think it was the strangest last 4 days of my life. I was really just…listless…I guess, at first. I cried, a lot, eventually and gave myself a headache.” She didn’t quite smile, but her expression was rueful. “I stayed in here until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I left, intending to get a hot chocolate from this little cart…ended up taking a shuttle ride to the middle of no where with a man I don’t know and let him leave me there for 24 hours. It was a kind of sanctuary.”

Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak blinked once. Then twice. Then a third time. He took a breath and then said “Well… that isn’t quite what I had in mind when I said to get out and socialize. I typically shy away from advising my patients to participate is… kidnapping?… sentient trafficking?… But, whatever the term, may I assume that the experience was done with you keeping a mind to your own personal safety? Although getting into shuttles with strangers is not a solid first step in keeping oneself safe.”

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah nodded, “I was safe, and it wasn’t against my will and no one attempted to make a purchase. I suppose they weren’t a stranger, but a brief acquaintance through work. A rather noted figure and I had my communicator. It was unexpected and I didn’t go out intending to socialize. It just sort of happened. You told me to accept help when offered. Though I have to agree it probably was not the smartest thing I have ever done, but…I think it was worth it, it helped.”

Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak shrugged and said “Well… then it was the right choice. Although please be sure to keep in mind your safety above all else, alright?” and he smiled. “So the trip was cathartic? And you were alone? How did that make you feel? Usually ‘alone’ is a foreign concept to you, isn’t it?”

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah nodded, “Yes of course.” It had been wreckless at the time though Sharah hadn’t really cared, and that was dangerous all on it’s own. “Not just alone, but silent. And it is very foreign. It was rather unsettling. More than that though, I felt like…like I was meeting myself for the first time, and I don’t know who that woman is.”

Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak watched her closely for a moment and then said “Well… you can’t expect to know someone when you first meet them. It takes time. And engagement. But… did your first meeting with her go well? Do you want to enjoy her company again?”

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah chewed her bottom lip a moment. “I suppose it went well. I wish I could have had time to let her grow. I feel like, when I came back, I watched her die before she ever breathed. Dragged under by the noise and storms and drowned. When I came back here, I really wondered what I could have been if I wasn’t sick. Who would I have been if my thoughts were my own, my ideas and desires allowed to form from my own experiences. If I hadn’t felt like I had to atone for sins I didn’t understand or know how I made them. If people weren’t afraid of the abnormality in my head.”

Fayth