Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Dasca’s Office/Apartment- When Love Isn’t Enough

(snip)

Lost in that painful memory, she didn’t even register Cort’s entrance into her office and that he was trying to get her attention. She finally clued in and her eyes snapped to him, apologetic. “Sorry Cort, just… distracted.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” he said softly. “You look upset. What’s wrong?”

There were boundaries between her and her staff they tried to maintain on the surface, but the reality was that they all knew more about her personal life in the course of executing their duties than most people ever would. There was little they didn’t know or wouldn’t find out at some point. So Eela just slid the PADD across her large desk.

Belanger picked it up, his eyes skimming. “Decree of Divorce…” He looked up at her. “I’m sorry, Eela. I know how hard this is for you.”

She shrugged. “Not like I wasn’t anticipating it.”

“Doesn’t make it easier.”

Dasca snorted. “Isn’t that the truth,” she said, sighing.

“Look, this afternoon is light. Go home. I’ll reschedule your two meetings and you can come back at it fresh for tomorrow,” Cort said.

It wasn’t a terrible idea. A bit of time to just feel sad and work through her feelings before anyone asked anything important of her? It was actually a really good idea. So she nodded without even a protest. “Okay.”

He studied his boss for a moment waiting for words of refusal that never came. With a small look of surprise he smiled. “I’m on it,” he said and left her office.

Eela sent a message to Kenzo saying she was taking a personal day and to call her at her apartment if he needed to reach her. Then she packed up and headed out.

Fatigue swept through her body as Eela slumped into the chair in her foyer, undoing the straps of her shoes. She set them to the side and got up, moving down the hall and unlocked her office. She set her work bag on her desk chair and left, relocking her office. Standard protocol these days.

In the bedroom, she hung up her work clothes in the large walk-in closet and changed into something more casual. Crawling into bed, she let her body melt into the mattress, the weight of her emotions slipping her lids closed.

She slept.

After a couple hours, Eela stirred momentarily confused by her surroundings. She was at home. Funny how quickly that word seemed to apply to this place. Paris had not been home. It had been a landing place between missions. And her apartment with Cory had, well, it had tried to be a home, but the reality was that even if they had given it each their very best, she understood she hadn’t been ready to settle down in a place and be there always. She had needed to get the last of her wanderlust out of her system. It’s the reason she knew she could devote herself to Oed. A strange reality, yes, but it was an honest one.

In the kitchen, Eela made herself some lunch, heating some soup she had bought and had leftovers from. Stirring the bright yellow liquid with a spoon, she was tempted to check her messages, but knew better. As soon as she saw anything, she’d want to reply or interject a comment or something, but that wasn’t useful. It wasn’t what she needed.

The trouble was that what she needed was closure. The Decree was a piece of it but she needed something more. Leaving the soup for a moment, she walked out of the kitchen and unlocked her office. Pulling up her (always) secure comms, she inputted a particular sequence and sent it to a particular person.

It was a request for Cory to call her. A request. Never a demand. It was the thing they had promised each other when they had filed for divorce. They both had the freedom to ignore the request or take as long as they needed to return it.

Returning back to the kitchen, the soup was steaming and after a couple stirs she poured it into a heavy bottomed pottery mug with a perfectly thin lip. Comfortable against the lips and curved enough to prevent dribbles.

The beep of an incoming call surprised her. Carrying her soup with her, Eela sat at her desk and activated the call. It was Cory.

”Hey,” he said, his eyes mirroring her own emotions. No matter how things had gone down between them, it was still hard. They had had forty years together and that wasn’t nothing. It had meant something important to them both.

“Hey. I wasn’t sure if I should call or not, but I got the Decree a few hours ago. I thought we should at least…”

Cory nodded in understanding. “Yeah. I got mine as well. I was surprised to get your message, but I get it.”

She inhaled deeply, blowing out that breath. What did they say now?

Silence filled the subspace connection until Cory leaned in and smiled ever so softly at her. “You know, a wise psychologist I know once told me that it was the ones we love the most that can cause us the most pain. For what it’s worth El, I’m sorry I caused you pain. I truly am. I can’t take it back, and we made the right choice in this, but I still am sorry.”

He meant her. She had told him that. Eela nodded, her eyes welling with tears. At that moment she hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear that sincere apology. She couldn’t validate it emotionally, but she didn’t need to because the reality was that regardless of how much they had both changed she knew Cory Fletcher, and she knew that he meant those words.

“A part of me feels like we failed somehow, but I also know better. Other captains and Starfleet officers never make it as long as we did, for good and obvious reasons. I like to think that because we were so honest about our needs in the beginning and made the arrangement that we had, that we somehow beat certain odds others wouldn’t.”

“Of all our issues, jealousy wasn’t one of them,” Cory said with a nod. But it brought up something that instantly made him pensive and he looked uncertainly at his (now) ex-wife.

“What is it?” Eela asked.

“Can we have a moment of full honesty between us right now?” She nodded and Cory continued after inhaling deeply. “I ran into Roger, a few weeks after… that last evening. And besides him chewing me out and looking like he wanted to punch me, he said something that has stuck with me and I haven’t quite figured out. I had thought about calling on the Fourth Day of Batarael, but I didn’t want to infringe on your celebration. So I thought I’d just be a grown up about it and ask you now.”

She eyed him with a slight frown. “Okay… ask away.”

He drew in a deep breath and looked away for a moment before he returned those pale blue eyes she knew so well back to her. “He said something about never being capable of hurting you, that he was angry that you didn’t feel safe with me and had to find that elsewhere. In all these years I never once thought there was anything between you two. We were too open and honest about our other relationships for that. But… it felt different, hearing him say that. So… I guess I’m just wondering if something happened between you two. And yes, we’ve been separated, and no you don’t owe me any explanations. I just… I’m trying to understand.”

Eela did not see that coming- not even close! Her lips parted as she went to say something but confusion swept across her face instead. She nodded slowly. “It’s not what you might think. We’re not together. Roger is still my best friend, but… yes, I slept with him. That night. I didn’t know where else to go and I had to be up early so I had to stay in San Fran. I was upset, and we drank a bunch and it wasn’t planned. It was just… a bit of comfort, I guess.”

Cory nodded slowly, digesting this information and true to form, he wasn’t visibly upset. That was just it, they never were. After all, you didn’t have a forty year semi-monogamous marriage and get upset when the other person did what you always agreed was okay. But… this was also a tiny bit different. “But Roger… of all people, El? Really? He’s been a part of our lives for over thirty years. And I get it, he was your friend first and his loyalty was always to you. But our grown children still call him Uncle Roger. You don’t think this complicates things?”

“No, I don’t,” Eela said flatly. “And I don’t plan on telling them because there is nothing to tell. It was one night, that’s all. And beyond this conversation it doesn’t concern anyone but Roger and I. It’s our business, no one else’s.”

Cory sighed. “Yes, you’re right. It’s none of my business. But you need to be prepared for the possibility that you can’t see clearly what I am seeing, what I heard in that man’s voice. You of all people know that emotions are not always predictable. It might not have meant anything to you that night, but I know Roger too and I’m pretty certain it meant something to him. Tread carefully, El.”

It was strange to have this open conversation after the last six years where they could barely have a normal one. It was like the divorce allowed them to go back to being El and Cory, just not romantically entangled. There was something freeing in there and while she wasn’t going to go out of her way to interact with the man, perhaps at least their future interactions could be a touch more pleasant than veiled hostility. “I’ll keep it in mind,” she said softly. “Anything else you want to get out in the open?” she said, raising her brows against her ridges.

Cory gave a slightly sad and lopsided smile. “Nah, that was all. But I do want to say that there will always be a part of me that loves you, and I do want you to be happy, El. Truly.”

“And I you,” she whispered, her eyes glistening.

“Be well, and good luck out there.”

“Thank you, Cory. Go in peace,” she said, using an old Haliian benediction.

A blank screen before her, Eela was overwhelmed not only from their conversation, but the memory of that night when she had showed up at her best friend’s door in tears, gutted. She had been truthful: she had sought comfort and Roger Kellen had offered her what he called a Port in a Storm. No expectations, no further discussion, no shame. Just care. It was something that after three and a half years of pain and disappointment since her retirement Eela hadn’t realized how desperately she had needed.

What to do about Cory’s assertions about Roger though was a mystery, and certainly not something she could do anything about today.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.