Posted by Lieutenant Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Unforeseen Developments - Starting Over

Posted by Civilian Kenzo B’tren-Hyrushi (Governor) in Unforeseen Developments - Starting Over

Posted by Lieutenant Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Unforeseen Developments - Starting Over
Posted by… suppressed (12) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Sharah had finished in the lab and returned to her large empty quarters. They were so empty and cold. She picked up Hope, her cherry bonsai tree and carried it over to the sink. The water bowl had to be refilled, and from the looks of the tree she needed some plant food. Sharah took much longer with the task than necessary. She was putting off her call. After the protest she knew she needed an appointment, but she had put it off. She didn’t want to examine it too much. Now, well people were still upset over the shuttle attack, and her own emotions mixed with everyone else’s made a counselor necessary. This was the first time she had ever wanted to avoid an appt. She hadn’t spoken to anyone since the Viking, and that was far too long. Her console beeped, alarming, reminding her she had asked for the appointment, and it was too late to back out.

She sat at the console and turned it on, waiting for the connection.

Fayth

The screen was blank for a moment and then the spinning icon of Star Fleet appeared. A secured connection took a bit longer, but soon the screen lit up.

A non-descript man with glasses sat in a room that was warm and inviting. He smiled and inclined his head. “Lieutenant Fayth. It has been some time.” he said, the odd juxtaposition of Polish and British accents vying for dominance. But the smile and genuine warmth of the look on his face was the same as it had been on the Viking. “How are things on Oed V?”

Lt. Cmdr. Janusz Korcazak, Counselor

In contrast, Fayth’s quarters seemed plain and uninviting, like it was half complete or half packed away. “Cmdr Korczak.” She looked tired, exhausted really, and noticeably not put together. More than just the result of a long day. Dark circles, red eyes, and loose strands of curls that she had probably been tugging at against the discomfort of the noise. “My understanding is normal. It’s very different from a ship side station.”

Fayth

Korczak looked at her closely. “As one would expect, I suppose. How are you handling the adjustment from ship to colony?” and he inclined his head to look over the tip of his glasses at her. “Honestly.”

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah started to say she was fine, but that wasn’t going to hold water with Korczak and she sighed. “I thought I was doing okay. It’s louder here, more minds, more emotions. On a ship there is an undercurrent of… discipline. Here it is more..erratic. I really like the work though. I’m not really sleeping though.”

Fayth

Korczak nodded in understanding. “On a ship you are surrounded by individuals with a common goal. The crew is focused on the mission, regardless of the small day-to-day things. And there are far fewer minds to deal with. You no longer have that… safe space… in which to find respite. But you have been on the colony for a while now. Has anything recently changed in your daily pattern that would cause you to feel anxious or uncertain?”

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah hesitated. She knew the connection was secure, but....”I…did something. I’m not even sure how I did it.” It was one of the things Sharah struggled with because of her…condition. She was potentially privy to a lot of information she shouldn’t be. Respecting autonomy and privacy. “There was a…protest, and…” She looked down at her hands where she was twinning and twisting her fingers together and took a breath before looking back. What if Korczak thought she was a risk? Was she?

“They were getting out of control, I was…drowning in it, in their anger and violence.” She looked as conflicted as she felt, “I calmed the mob. I don’t know how I did it but thousands felt it.” She forced herself to stop with her hands. “And it scares me.”

Fayth

Korczak was silent for a moment. “Alright…”he began. “Fear is a normal reaction, I would think, to something of that magnitude. But I take it no one was hurt or injured by your actions. So if I may, tell me more about this protest. What was it about? Why were thousands protesting?”

Korczak, Counselor

“Thousands weren’t protesting, more like hundreds.” Sharah sighed, “I meant that thousands felt it. People in the hospital and for several blocks around. Whatever I did wasn’t…focused.” She shook her head, “As far as I know, no one was hurt. I have been watching the patient intake. Not that I would know what to look for exactly. The protest was about two patients we have in the hospital. There was a missel attack on their shuttle…we weren’t sure they would make it. The protesters were after them and their family. Demanding they be taken off planet, blaming them for all kinds of unrelated issues, there was a second protest at the government tower at the same time. At first they were just scared and confused, then they suddenly became aggressive wanting violence.”

Fayth

Korczak said “That is… very unusual. Crowds, protestors especially, rarely shift demeanor en masse like that. Not without some kind of outside guidance or stimulus. Without knowing the specifics, I would say that your… custodianship… of the circumstances probably helped far more than it did anything negative.” He looked at her with his appraising look for a moment and then said “You say the event made you scared. Do you perhaps also feel some amount of guilt?”

Korczak, Counselor

“Overwhelming guilt.” Her gaze moved off screen a moment, gathering and ordering her thoughts. “I hear people’s most private and public thoughts. Their secret desires, their intimate moments, their pain and guilt, their happiness and pride. Even the thoughts they don’t admit to themselves. I feel what they feel. Whether I want to or not. Whether they wish to share or not. I try very hard to make sure my words and actions don’t influence what they feel or how they think. To not allow this terrible insight to make me overstep my bounds.” Sharah reached up and rubbed at her temple. “I took away their choice. I took away their right to decide how they reacted to their anger and fear. I didn’t just take away the choice I forced a choice on them. What if I hadn’t forced calm on them? But lashed out with anger or fear because I was quite terrified, and drowning in their violence.” She shook her head. “I can’t say that won’t happen because I don’t know how it happened. At best that I reacted out of some sort of instinct. It doesn’t justify.”

Fayth

Korcazk leaned forward and said simply “Stop it.” His words were soft spoken and compassionate, but carried weight. “Right now you are punishing yourself for a choice you never made. An action you never took. And you and I both know that while you do that, we cannot work on the other things troubling you. Tell me what advice you would give your own patient of they were in your care and diagnosed with a fully treatable illness; but kept focusing on how bad the illness could have been if it was a completely different and terminal illness. What would you say to that patient?”

Korczak, Counselor

Ah but her illness wasn’t treatable, just barely managed. She took a measured breath, Korczak was right though. It was so strange talking to him over subspace. She never got any input from him unless he allowed it, but there was always his serene presence. It was strange - missing that element of their appointments, but not bad. “I would tell them to focus on the facts, what really happened and what they need to do next. I would tell them to speak to a counselor to help them work past the ‘what ifs’.” She held her hands palm up in a ‘and here we are’ gesture.

Fayth

Korczak smiled slightly and said “Alright… so what are you doing? Working backwards through your own advice? Because yes, here we are… but you are clearly not focused on the facts and next steps… right? So… what do you need to do to accomplish that?”

Korczak, Counselor