Posted by Lieutenant Commander Markus Woods (Chief Star Fleet Science Officer) in Rest and Relaxation (TAG Woods)

(snip)

Gently leading her along, he picked up the pace some, letting the walk drain away his own anxieties and working them out of his nervous system. Minutes later they were outside the door and quickly he ushered her inside, then locked the door. As soon as the portal registered as secured he let out a long sigh and peeled off his outer shirt, leaving only a light undershirt on and moved to sit on one of the couches, flopping down.

Mark

Sharah moved into the room placing the PaDD and the little box on the table. She wanted to forget them for now. She smiled a little as he flopped down onto the couch.

There was no more soothing place, no where else that felt like home than in his arms. Normally she would be but a pace behind him, already curled in to him. Instead she paced a little, arms around her midsection, hugging herself, until she stopped to stare out the window.

She leaned against the bulk head protruding into the room from the transparent aluminum window. How easy it would be to stop being in control and to let it drown and consume her. To allow it to take away her life, but she wasn’t ready to let go. There was too much life to live for, but… ‘I’m sorry, I guess I’m just really tired, Markus. I look out that window and I don’t see endless space, but pain. Years and years of it, until this thing, this malfunction, this…monster in my head finally wears down the last of my strength to control it and it kills me. And I’m not sure the pain would end even then.’ Her head was beginning to pound in earnest again, and absently she tugged hard on her curls, trying to create a counter pressure to the throbbing. It wasn’t a giving in, but a need to voice the fear, to give it substance so it could be destroyed. She didn’t know how that might happen, but naming your fear was better than an illusive, unnamed, unseen monster under the bed.

Sharah

Mark nodded, then slipped back to his feet, only to come up behind her and slide his arms around her. he place a soft kiss along the back and side of her neck, and nuzzled into the back of her right ear a little. “I know that… hope.. seems so far out of reach. Suffering, until recently, is all you’ve ever really known. But I’d like to think that there is hope. With what I’ve been able to do for you? I take that as a sign.” Mark rested his chin on her shoulder, staring out the window but also studying her reflection in the surface. “I… we… just haven’t understood the workings of it yet.”

Her eyes closed as he kissed her, his lips nuzzling in over that cluster of nerves behind her ear and triggering them to release endorphins that helped her relax further. She smiled, only slightly but genuine. “I know.” Her hands wrapped over his arms as he held her. “You are my hope, my port in the storm.” She leaned her head against his and breathed. “I haven’t..I’m not giving up. I don’t want to give up. Hope is hard, but worth it. I feel like I’m drowning, I can’t float. And that makes it hard to feel me amongst others, to not feel despaired by it all.” She considered as the longer he stood holding her the easier it was to find self among the chaos. “Maybe it’s not my despair I feel, maybe it’s left over from the crew and I can’t seem to get rid of it?”

He turned the matter over though. That hopelessness, despair. It was understandable, wanting to give in and opt out of existing. The idea alone as painful enough but he could understand. But he wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. And he was sure, neither was she. The idea though, that she might spend the rest of her life suffering was painful in it’s own way for him. If one day she decided she really truly did want to leave, to go.... As much as it might kill him, he would have understood it.

If it really came to that… Could he help her? The idea turned his vision watery, but he would have liked to think so. As much as it would hurt him, destroy him. It would be something done to spare her, an act of love he would hate doing but in doing, would give her peace. Stop the noise. Stop the suffering.

“No Markus. Don’t…if I ever should ask that, don’t. If I were ever injured so badly I could only live in a coma on a machine, don’t do that to me. But to run from this,” she tapped her head, “That would be fear and pain talking. I don’t want to live my life like that, ever, running and being ruled by fear. Don’t let me do it.”

His arms around her tightened as he fought to put away that dark subject. Now was not the time to dwell on that. They weren’t there yet. And if he had any say the matter, it would never come to that.

Mark

She held onto his arms, her weight leaning back against his chest. Space was vast and they didn’t know everything there was to know. Markus was brilliant and she had her own wealth of knowledge and skills. If there was an answer they would find it. Even if the only answer was the way they connected, his psychic effect on her telepathy, she would count that beautiful and worth it.

Sharah