Once a month, Astrid took a day to do court cases as a magistrate. She chose traffic court for this month and had been regretting it all day. As a joke from the staff, she had been given all of the obscene and stupid cases. It was hardly the first time but, she didn’t mind it. There had been some funny cases and it had lightened her mood considerably. Some had been incredulous. Some had been downright a waste of time. Yet, even though she was a judge, she only held justice over the highest cases most days and this was a novelty she allowed herself once per month.

“State calls Jon Richter Spence in case number UN3487-E.” A young looking human man stood up. He was wearing torn and oversized pants and a massive hat that nearly swallowed his head. He looked unperturbed as he sauntered forward. This man had been leering at her from the gallery all morning. She had ignored it as she did all these types of visual assaults. It was just part of the job. “Does anyone stand with you sir?”

“I do.” An Antaran stood dressed in a suit. “Your honor if it pleases the court, I am Titonis NonZoo, esquire and I am here to represent Mr. Spence.” He too came forward, though he was far more respectful and sedate than his client.

She took the PaDD from her assistant for the day and read through the minor offense. “Sir, it says here you have been charged with parking your vehicle in a space reserved for Access Needs and you do not have a placard for Access Needs. How do you plead?”

“Not guilty.”

Astrid looked up from the PaDD confused. “Sir, I have a picture of your vehicle in the parking spot. Have you documentation that you have an Access Needs Permit?”

“No.”

“Do you have a doctor’s note that indicates you are in need of an Access Permit?”

“No.”

“Were you aware there was an empty spot right next to it that was not Access Needs?”

“Yeah but…”

“Your honor,” broke in the Antaran lawyer, “He has circumstances of that moment that necessitated him to use the spot.”

“Oh, well do enlighten me Mr. Spence.” Astrid put down her PaDD and glanced briefly at her assistant who was biting her lip.

“Well, you see, I had to get water for my grandma right? She was dehydrated.” He paused as if that was enough.

“Dehydrated?”

“Yeah, so I pulled up real fast and didn’t think about where I was parking.”

“Uh huh. Well, the police officer states he was there for some time waiting for you to come out. What took you so long with your dear grandma waiting in the car?” At this point, Astrid leaned forward. This one was going to be good.

“Well, you see, I was going to leave real quick because I knew I shouldn’t have been parked where I was and my grandma needed me, but on my way out, I saw someone choking.”

“Choking?” Astrid’s brow furrowed. She had not thought it would go this direction.

“Yeah, so I gave them the Himlack Mani.... Manoo…”

“The Heimlich Maneuver.” she stated.

“Yeah thats it!” He seemed relieved and the Lawyer gave him a pat on his shoulder.

“Your honor, my client was merely performing his duty as a citizen of OED V to help out another person in need.” Surely the courts could be lenient for such a good deed.”

She seemed to think about this for a minute. “I see. Mr. Spence, where is the person who’s life you saved? I assume you saved them as you did not state the need for an ambulance to the police officer when he met you at your vehicle. I do not see them listed as a defendant on your behalf.”

The lawyer answered and seemed incredibly pleased with his answer. “We could not find them your honor.”

Astrid pressed her lips together and sighed. “That is disappointing Mr. NonZoo. Had I the person your client performed the Heimlich on or any witnesses on his behalf, I would be more inclined to perhaps consider dismissal.”

“I think you should, your honor. My client is a fine upstanding citizen of OED V.”

“Your client has a record dating back 5 years with petty crimes Mr. NonZoo, but that is neither here nor there at the moment. I am not currently inclined to dismiss. But perhaps your client would be willing to show the court the Heimlich Maneuver.”

The Lawyer’s face grew slack and he turned to his client, plastering on his fake smile as he saw the panic in his client’s face. “Surely your honor there is no need…”

“Oh but I insist. Mr. Spence, please come forward and demonstrate to the court, how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on your attorney.” Mr. Spence did not move right away. He kept looking from the judge, to his lawyer to Losu and back again. He looked helpless. The other people in the gallery looked on in wild curiosity. No one believed the defendant’s story for a minute. He was too terrible a liar, but it was fascinating to watch him try to find his way around this one.

Finally the defendant came forward as well as his lawyer. They had a heated whispered discussion between them before the lawyer laid down, assuming a position on the floor. There the defendant tried a couple of ways he though might suit. He even tried to clamp his mouth over the lawyer’s but they had another heated discussion as the lawyer shoved his face away. The people in the gallery were snickering. In the end, Jon Richter Spence decided to shake his head and give up. The lawyer groaned as his client said. “I don’t remember.”

Her brow rose. “You don’t remember how to do the life saving maneuver for someone who is choking even though you supposedly performed it…” She referred to her PaDD. “two weeks ago?”

“Yeah.” was all he said in his defense as Mr. NonZoo got to his feet. His face was flushed and he looked furious.

Astrid sighed and shook her head. “Mr. Spence, while the gallery may find your antics hilarious, the court does not. We have no corroborating witness testimony nor proof from your own ability to your having performed a life saving procedure. You have perjured yourself most grievously.”

“Oh no,” groaned the lawyer.

“Oh yes.” stated Astrid.

The defendant looked between them, realizing that this was something serious. Not only would his ticket not be dismissed, but perjury sounded really bad! “No way! I was only in the store for a few minutes. I was just getting some munchies! The Police officer lied! Or Or… ITs just a stupid parking space. No one was using it!”

The Lawyer talked over his client as he tried to shut him up. “Stop talking.... Your honor, surely we don’t need.... STOP TALKING..... Perhaps a deal.... SHUT UP!!”

Astrid took ahold of the rock ball that served as her gavel and banged it down. “Come to order. Mr. NonZoo, There is no deal. In the matter of parking in an Access Needs Zone without a permit, I find your client guilty. He is sentenced to 10 hours per weekend of community service for the next 6 months. Since he committed perjury in the course of his testimony today, he will be remanded to custody and formally charged. The court date for that is to be determined. You may pick him up in a few hours out front.”

She watched them both go, the defendant still talking and all of his words being recorded for his perjury court date. She looked down at her assistant. “At this time we will break for lunch and return in one hour. Court dismissed.”

The gallery, full of people waiting for their own cases had been pretty quiet given the hilarity of the drama happening in front of them. They now burst into laughter and discussion as Astrid stepped down from the bench and left them to their own company. She giggled and shook her head as Losu, another judge who had also just recessed for lunch, came over. “Did he really try to get out of a parking ticket by lying about trying to save someones life with the Heimlich Maneuver and then couldn’t do it in court?”

“Yeah. What lies get told to cover the truth. Too bad. Come on, I am starving.”

Rousseau, HotJ