Posted by Captain Johann Dvorak (CO) in Ready Room- Debrief

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Vora Zorell (Scientist) in Ready Room- Debrief

(snip)

Vora gave him a small smile that was genuine as she moved over to his desk. “Well, good. I think we can help each other then, since I need my own distraction,” she said casually, before gesturing to the sitting area. “If you don’t mind indulging me, that is.”

“Not at all,” he said. He had assumed that whatever this ‘indulgence’ was, it was going to be appropriate and work related.

She found a comfortable position after sitting, crossing one leg over the other. “I need some perspective, and I think yours is the best one for this situation.”

“Okay.” He found his own spot across from hers on the couch, and briefly remembered That Fateful Day before paying attention to what she had to say.

“I think we can both agree that last mission was pretty messed up, in a long string of ones that were less than ideal, especially for me.” That makes three in a row of disastrous ones for me. “I know in my head that I didn’t do anything wrong, that I did the best to manage a seemingly unmanageable situation from the bridge. But I feel like I could have, or should have done more. But I couldn’t begin to tell you what. And I don’t know if that is my own paranoia about how people see me on the ship lately, or just my self-doubt rearing it’s reoccurring head.”

Lt. (j.g) Zorell, Sciences

“Could be both. Could be neither, maybe you could have done more after all. I mean, I can’t think of anything off of the top of my head, but I dunno. You might know something I don’t. You might know something that you don’t yet realize that you know.”

“I mean, I don’t think I did any thing wrong. I followed procedure when there was something applicable and tried to keep the chaos to a minimum, for what little good those attempts did. I just… feel uncertain right now,” Vora remarked.

“It’s not unusual to feel that way when you have command responsibility and something doesn’t go quite right. I find the most useful thing to do is to actually review what happened step by step. If all the steps make sense, then those feelings don’t actually have anything to do with what I did or what I didn’t do and are about something else. If one of those steps was a mistake, I just note it and then try not to make that mistake again. It’s a simple process, but it’s not always easy.”

She nodded, knowing that that that process had been generally useful in the past.

“We could do that, but like you said you know in your head you didn’t do anything wrong, and unlike most people, you don’t forget anything relevant,” he continued. Though unlike most people, everything seems relevant, even when it isn’t. “So, if you don’t feel like that could be constructive, we could talk about ‘paranoia’ instead.”

– Johann Dvorak, CO

Vora exhaled audibly, feeling some of the frustration she had been holding on to filter out. “It’s the tiny glances, sometimes pitying, like people know I screwed up or wasn’t the best or something equally ridiculous. But maybe I’m just seeing things because I expect it. But until I have a good experience where I feel like I’m once again trusted as an experienced member of the crew, I think I’ll be… looking for it. Which is ridiculous, because it’s confirmation bias at best, and destructive at worst.” She leaned back, almost slumping, and shook her head slightly before glancing at him and giving a slight smirk. “Always my own worst enemy.”

Lt. (j.g) Zorell, Sciences