Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Vora Zorell (Scientist) in CNS’ Office- Zorell

Posted by Lieutenant Siennadye Nox (Counselor) in CNS’ Office- Zorell

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Vora Zorell (Scientist) in CNS’ Office- Zorell
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Sienna felt sympathy for Vora. Not only did she feel a lot concerning the father now presenting himself into her life, but also she had to hear some troubling things about her mother. Even if Vora suspected that her mother had the same struggles with addiction that she had, it was altogether different to get confirmation. “So a lot to process on two fronts. First, the idea that your father was not some nebulous person who, through the lens of your mothers pain, had always been a bad person in your mind. Now you know he probably isn’t a bad person and you have to reconcile that. Then, handling the troubling information about your mother who you loved and look at through the lens of a small child’s love and adoration.”

She stood and retrieved a tray with a stone kettle of hot tea, cups, and various additives for the tea from the replicator and came back to sit down. She placed it on the table before them and began fixing each woman a cup, pointing to each ingredient to add for confirmation before adding it. “Let talk about her first I think.”

“Besides the pain of her romantic situation, what do you remember of her?”

Nox, CNS

Vora inhaled deeply, letting her chest expand against her ribs. “Not much, really. My eidetic memory didn’t really kick in till I moved into adolescence. But I remember her making sasso cookies and I stood on a chair next to her at the kitchen counter and helped her form the dough into balls and press them flat before baking. I remember she had this dazzling smile. It lit up every part of her face and even her body, but I saw that particular smile infrequently. It was special when she felt something that triggered it. Sometimes it was me, so I always felt loved. I never knew that we were living a difficult life in The District. She managed to hide all those terrible scary things from me. And… I remember her collapsing in our apartment and I ran to get the woman next door who watched me when my mother was out, presumably working. She died from cardiac arrest… drug interaction with her medication apparently.”

~Vora Zorell, Sciences

“I am sorry.” She said with a sadness in her voice. “The loss of a parent can be a long term acute pain. Regardless of what her life was like to others, her life to you was special. I encourage you to hold on to your memories of her as they are and try not to let them be changed by other people’s experiences.”

Nox, CNS

Vora considered this for a moment and then nodded. “We had such a short time together and I really know so very little about her that it’ll be a strange balance to find. I suppose the nice thing about an eidetic memory is that they are now rooted in my mind so firmly, they feel incontrovertible. So maybe the new things I learn about her can just help me fill in the gaps in my knowledge. She had a whole life before me and I really know very little about it. I guess…” Vora inhaled deeply. “I guess I just want to know and understand her better, even if some of the things I learn aren’t always happy or pleasant.

~Vora Zorell, Sciences

Sienna nodded. “I can understand that need. We all want a more complete picture of the people who birthed us, raised us, loved us because they are a part of who we are whether we like it or not. I would imagine like any relationship, your father and mother’s had its ups and downs. Any that ends painfully will probably color your father’s opinions and stories about her. You may need to ask a lot of questions and always filter through the lens of his life. Are you prepared for that?”

Nox, CNS

She nodded slowly. “Yes, actually. In the brief conversation I had with them my instincts tell me he is a kind man. I have relied on my instincts to keep me alive and tell me the root truth of a person very quickly. I believe he hasn’t reached out to me to cause me harm and just wants to get to know his daughter, to fill in the gaps of his own knowledge. But I also know he has had a very privileged life. So did my mother, even if she left it for reasons I don’t really know about. I think asking a lot of questions will be the only path forward for both of us.”

She was going to meet her father and Vora’s breath caught in her throat. “There is a part of me that is actually quite excited to meet him, but I… there is anger there. Not at him, because he didn’t know about me. But for the life I could have lived, even though as I say that it likely would have meant I wouldn’t have Jerrin and he’s the one thing I will never regret.” It was all so complicated but Vora knew that was life in all its glory.

~Vora Zorell, Sciences

“It is perfectly natural to go through the grief cycle upon learning your life could have been so very different and perhaps much better. While I know you dont and will never regret your son, it is okay to still feel a desire to have had less hardship.”

She smiled softly. “I am glad you are making a connection to your father and that you are excited too. No one says emotions are easy or simple.”

“Have you spoken with Jerrin about this yet?”

Nox, CNS