Posted by Lieutenant Commander Avik (XO) in Side Sim- Mining Colony of Feru III- The New Dawn Festival

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Vora Zorell (Scientist) in Side Sim- Mining Colony of Feru III- The New Dawn Festival

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Avik (XO) in Side Sim- Mining Colony of Feru III- The New Dawn Festival
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“No, no they don’t,” Vora said. “On Tenra, people are varied and operate differently. Some or more logical, others, more emotionally forward. But I think in recent years I’ve been discovering just how bound I’ve been to a small way of thinking that pervaded the neighbourhood I lived in. You have to understand that when I speak of Tenra and my experiences, I’m speaking of a world that is only roughly two kilometers by two kilometers. While I lived outside of that are for a brief time when I was living with foster families, the majority of my life was spent within that area. It’s all I knew. Even now I have a hard time imagining that people on Tenra are different, that there are different ways of living and acting and feeling.”

She turned her head to gaze at Avik, her maroon eyes deep intense. “I ran away from abuse in my foster home and subsequently become an addict through my boyfriend at the time. After he was arrested, I was homeless until I was coerced by an organized crime group he was working for to become, well, a prostitute. Addicted to narcotics and alcohol, I lived a terrible life, Avik. But I made a concerted effort to change my life when I found out I was pregnant. My son Jerrin is the reason I am where I am. But I wasn’t equipped to be a mother. It wasn’t safe. I was in a terribly abusive living arrangement I assumed was love but it nearly destroyed me, and I nearly lost my life. So I gave Jerrin up and we were only reunited a few years ago. I’m telling you this because you already know about my eidetic memory. So when we were captured and in that cell together, I had a flashback. For me they are vivid and as I’m reliving it in that moment, I have a hard time knowing the difference between memory and reality.” She lifted a hand. “Touch is my strangest sense for my memory. It makes it even more unpredictable to know how I will react, even though I’ve gotten better at not breaking from reality. I’m an emotional person, and I can understand that that is uncomfortable for you. But imagine trying to keep the emotions of living through all those experiences contained. It’s impossible. It would destroy me the way others tried to. So I don’t anymore. I have learned to feel things. But I can understand if that is hard for you as well. My emotions are key to more than my survival, but my evolution as a person.”

~Vora Zorell, Scientst

Though Avik retained her indifferent expression, she listened to Vora tell about the small place she called home. While her colony had a mix of cultures, Avik’s parents favored a logic-based environment to raise their children. The galaxy, despite their origins, would only see them as one thing: Vulcans.

A mental sigh washed over Avik’s mind as she continued to absorb Vora’s tell. Gradually, missing information began to fill in the problem’s source and more.

When Vora finished, Avik nodded softly.

“It explains your confidence and trust issues. However, I can’t relate due to not sharing the same experience. I do appreciate your sharing. For me, it’s much harder to explain. My childhood was normal until my mother fell ill and everything drastically changed.” She licked her lips and took a breath before she continued.

“After I recovered, I could no longer visit my mother without supervision. One of my older siblings or my father lingered in the background, their hand on my shoulder. Eventually, I learned to block it out. On occasion, someone broke through my defenses and overwhelmed me. Before my assigned mate’s death, Sivr and I were trying to work on this.”

This tidbit about Avik’s partner surprised Vora, and though she tried to keep that to herself, knowing what she knew now, she understood that that was unlikely.

Avik once more paused to collect herself.

“Letting your emotions influence your actions or mind is… I believe the human word is taboo?” Avik struggled for a moment with the correct wording. She had spent far too long on a Vulcan ship to remember all the proper words.

-Avik, XO

Zorell considered this. “Not per say. Different species value rationality more than others. Betazoids are a deeply emotional and intuitive people, for example, and they move through the galaxy just fine. In a way it is their own form of rationality. But I think for me, this reconciliation of my emotional self is about allowing for all the experiences I’ve had to not just be a triggered trauma response, but slowly become something that did happen, rather than what is happening right now. For too long those terrible experiences were all I could feel, so it was like reliving it day in and day out. I couldn’t see how I could move beyond them and be the person I actually was now, rather than who I used to be. For a long time, even after I came to the Europa, I couldn’t see myself as anything by a drug-addicted escort who had no value. But that’s not who I am. Not now. It’s been a hard journey, but I like the person I am now. She’s not perfect, but she tries her best everyday to be a good person.”

“If my being this way is too hard for you, I can understand that. And I will do my best to give you space. But having come this far, aside from maybe dampening my reactions a little, I can’t stop being this way. I paid too dear a price to get to this point. It wouldn’t be fair to me to ask,” Vora said.

~Vora Zorell, Sciences

Avik listened to Vora’s words.

It appeared the Counselor’s advice had worked out better since the tension between the pair faded. In truth, Avik didn’t expect Vora to change nor did she want it. When looking at the situation objectively, her main issues lay within her. She wasn’t strong enough to protect herself from others and she didn’t trust her own emotional state. Realizing this, Avik questioned her usefulness in her position now.

Those were thoughts for another time, however.

She took a deep breath then broke the quiet.

“I agree with you, and I have no intentions to ask. Many of my actions were out of concern for your safety based on what I knew at that moment. I read your Starfleet profile and saw you are an intelligent and well-knowledged individual when it came to your work. It is admirable from a Vulcan standpoint.”

A soft sigh escaped her lips.

“However, not all the history was detailed in the profile. While my request for you to be excluded from the away team for a period seemed unreasonable, I felt uncertain I could keep you alive on future away missions.”

She took a breath.

“Unlike the others, I was ill-prepared for your emotional output. In my logic, dismissing you was a loss to the Europa and hindered your potential. I believed I had chosen the best option at that time. I apologize for any misunderstandings it might’ve caused.”

Vora nodded, accepting the apology for what it was. They both didn’t know what they didn’t know and expecting it to be different was pointless.

Reflecting a moment, Avik then asked the obvious.

“Now that we know a bit about each other, the questions are relatively simple but challenging to answer. Where do we go from here and how do we solve this? Cause while on the Europa, we need to be able to trust each other and work together.”

-Avik, XO.

“Indeed,” the Tenraith said. “I think the first steps involve just letting the information we now know about each other inform our future interactions. I will try to give you space when I’m experiencing more emotions and I hope you will understand that some of my reactions can’t be helped but also that I’m not a danger to anyone. Not really. Most days the person I’m more of a danger to is myself. Besides, I’ve done a lot of growing, even since that day in that cell on that damn planet. Give me credit for that too, and I suspect things will be easier than they were.”

~Vora Zorell, Sciences

Avik let Vora finish before she put in her perspective, ensuring her side was not left out. They still had much to learn about each other.

“Fair enough. However, you are allowed to challenge my logic in a respectful manner. If you believe I’m mistaken, then do not hesitate to share why. I might learn new information I didn’t have before and that will influence my actions. Else, nothing will change or get better. I am not unreasonable or practice grudge holding because I do value my officers.”

Avik took a breath then continued. She suspected that Vora had the common sense not question her in front of other officers when she brought up her concerns.

“To be honest, I didn’t expect you to join me on this trip.”

-Avik, XO

OOC: Small bump to keep this on the board.
-Janice B.