Raymond entered the holosuite and ordered the computer to load and run program Warbler-1. The lines of the holosuite were replaced by a classroom with desks and chairs, a podium and a table with a variety of objects on it. Raymond was there, dressed in a bright orange jacket and trousers, a large red bow tie and a green shirt. His nose today seemed to be that of a donkey, while his ears were those of the Ogre Shrek, from the Shrek series of movies, tv animation shows and the stage musical. His nose was even in the green of Shrek. His students were filing in, all were cadets in the medical field at Starfleet Academy on Earth.

“Students, while my name appears in print as Raymond Luxury-Yacht, it is pronounced in a totally different way,” Raymond began, before noticing a hand up from a student in the front row.

“Will this be in the final exam?” the student asked once acknowledged.

“It may well be, you’d better pay attention,” Raymond replied.

“Now, as I was saying, my name is pronounced differently to the way it appears in print. This subject is Nose Health 101: Your Nose and You. If you are here for Know Health 101: Why is that red stuff coming out of me? you are in the wrong place. If you are here for Nose Health 201: You and Your Nose, you have been transported here from the past as that class was ended 5 years ago. If you are in any of those classes, please leave, immediately. Those of you who have transported here from the past, please wait to see the officers from the Department of Temporal Investigation before departing.”

Some of the students left at that, and the same student from before put up a hand once more.

“Will that be on the final test,” the student asked.

“Yes, it will,” Raymond said, “students, everything I saw or show you will likely be on the final exam for this subject. The class, as you would be aware consists of 2 hour lectures, tutorials, hands-on workshops and field trips. You will be expected to fully participate in all aspects of the nose to nose time. You will also be grouped up in teams according to nasal characteristics that you will be provided with in your first tutorial. The composition of these groups is snot open for debate and if any member of your group fails, your entire group fails. You are only as successful as the weakest in your group. Individual and Group assessments will be assigned to test your knowledge about noses and a 85% is required for you to pass this subject. Nasal health is of utmost importance, and a topic often overlooked in favour of rashes, head aches, broken bones and child birth.”

“Now this, as you know is a nose,” Raymond said, bringing up a holographic projection of a large hooter, “it has two nostrils, and hairs sticking out through the nostrils.” Raymond looked around at his students before pointing at the one who asked him the questions earlier, “You, come out here and do a hands on inspection of the nose. Tell us how it feels, describe it to us.”

The student rose to his feet and walked slowly up to the holographic nose.

“The nose is firm to the touch, I can feel the bone behind the bridge. the nostrils are separated by the nasal septum. I conclude this is a human nose.” the student reported with urging from Raymond, “good, good,” he said.

“And is the nose in good health?” Raymond asked.

“I am unsure,” the student admitted.

“You will need to get sure,” Raymond said, “you’ll need to investigate inside the nose.”

“With what, the tools aren’t here that would normally be used for such an investigation,” the student asked.

“Not all of them, some of the tools used are still attached to you. They are tools that have been used by sentient species for many centuries,” Raymond said.

The student paused, looked at his hands, and looked at Raymond, “You have got to be kidding, I’m not sticking my fingers up a holographic nose.”

“The class passes or fails based on your decision now,” Raymond said, “I do not joke when it comes to nasal health. Do it, or everyone fails and its on you.”

The student in question reached up nervously into the holographic nose, and brought out a lot of mucas mixed in with blood.

“Now then students, your colleague just demonstrated an important lesson you should all learn about nasal care and health, always wear your scrubs before you begin your investigation, you never know when snot is going to hit the fan.”

-Ensign Raymond, Nose Lecturer