Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation
Posted by… suppressed (10) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

She turned to fully face Alden. “It’s when a traumatic event happens where people are harmed or killed, and those that survive or have less injuries or struggles than the other, feel guilt over it. And it’s not just the emotion of guilt either. Deep down we can unconsciously dread punishment for surviving. And so we can not only have to deal with the psychological and physical trauma of the event itself, but it creates this feedback cycle where we experience mental stress and physical symptoms that then tell us we’re not worthy to have survived. ‘Look, see? I can’t even function properly. I shouldn’t have survived easier’. Keep in mind that this isn’t always a conscious thought, but sometimes, as I, and Henry and Marianne, have heard form you that you you shouldn’t have survived. Jay should have. The guilt we feel in these instances is a way of atoning, of trying to make it right, balance the score as it were.”

~Leah Hart, NP

“Well, there is a score to be settled, is there not?” Roman insisted tearfully. He looked awful. He was ashamed of it - it was no state for him to be seen in at all.

Marianne shook her head sadly. “No, Roman… You are just as important as he was.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Hart didn’t address his mother’s comment and instead kept her focus on Alden. “What would make everything right? We can’t bring Jay back from the dead. We can’t change what has already happened,” she said softly.

~Leah Hart, NP

“If there were a way, I’d do it in a flash. I’d trade anything.” Roman replied. The Calianos looked horrified, and Roman suddenly seemed incredibly guilty. “I’m sorry.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

But Leah didn’t react. After all, this was not news to her. “The other piece to survivor’s guilt is that is often accompanied by Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Which you were diagnosed with and treatment did not progress too far before circumstances shifted. And now we are seeing the fallout of this. Can you, just for a moment, reach into your scientific logic for a moment and consider that maybe how you feel about your life versus Jay’s is a symptoms of a condition that has gone untreated, or untreated very well so far?”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman began to shake his head. He’d asked, begged Randy not to put that in his file. Apparently, Rand’s brother hadn’t listened (rightfully so, but Roman wasn’t in a logical state of mind). “I don’t know why that would be in there.”

“Yes you do,” Leah said simply.

Roman’s scowl deepened but he didn’t say anything else.

“Roman…” Henry tried. “These things aren’t shameful. No one in the fleet would judge you for that. Certainly no one who would see that diagnosis.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“What would Jay say if he were able to chime in on this conversation?” It sounded like Jay was able to give Roman perspective and she wondered if that ability had stayed with him.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman laughed a sad and hollow laugh. “He’d never guess this would happen.” He said. “He’d say the same things as Mr Caliano. Except with all the sass a man can muster.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Would you believe him?” Leah asked. “Would you believe it if Jay said what’s happening with you is an understandable thing to experience under all the circumstances?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“Heh, no, but he’d repeat it until you’d think he was verbally beating me with it.” Roman replied, voice as hollow as his earlier laugh.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Leah glanced briefly at the Calianos before focusing on her patient again. “What you’re dealing with Roman is treatable. We can’t bring Jay back and it’s always going to hurt. The best we can do as being going through a mortal life is learn to live with the pain because that’s the tradeoff for loving someone. There is always the risk of pain. We can only hope that they while they were in our life they brought something wonderful for us to remember and cherish. From everything I’ve heard, Jay did that for you. I can’t make Jay being gone okay, but I can help you find a way to carry on. If you let me.”

~Leah Hart, NP

“I can’t see how,” Roman said with a shrug. “I can’t say no, I just don’t think it’s possible.” He looked at Leah, “I’m aware my answers dictate whether I get to remain on Sentinel,” and he looked at Henry, “and that as a retired Captain you know that as well as she does.” Then he faced Leah again, “At this point, I don’t know how much I care.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“That’s some fine bullsh!t right there,” Leah said flatly. “I clearly remember spending a great deal of time early in our conversations with you telling me how much your career and staying on the Sentinel meant to you. Now, if that’s changed in one day, so be it, we can adjust from here, but if not, you’re lying to yourself and lying to us and it’s not useful in any way.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Henry smiled slightly. Direct and to the point was exactly the approach someone as stubborn as Roman needed.

Roman, meanwhile, scowled and crossed his arms. “Okay, maybe not ‘don’t care’ but I’m....” He didn’t know the term ‘emotionally exhausted’. He didn’t really understand it.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“You’re what? Describe it, if needed,” Leah said, her tone more gentle now.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman shook his head. “I can’t. I… I don’t know how. I’m just… Tired I guess.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Leah nodded. “That’s understandable. You’ve not just been processing a lot of thoughts and emotions the last few days, but there are lots of things that have gone unprocessed that you’ve been carrying. I would be surprised it you weren’t tired, or feeling worn out in some capacity. I warned you that this work was not easy, but there’s a big difference between being tired and unable to process more, and not longer caring about doing so. One we can accomodate for, the other, well, it has a very different outcome.”

~Leah Hart, NP

“Well, they don’t feel that different.” His voice rumbled softly over the words. Roman sighed and laid back on the bed, casting a glance at the Calianos. He just wanted life to go back to how it was - Roman managing himself, doing his work, with Rand, and everyone looking the other way and leaving him alone.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She gave him a smile. “That’s fair. And this is why I advocate taking breaks in this process. Unfortunately, the processing ended up being a part of the assessment, which is where things get complicated. Would it make a difference if I told you I don’t see your situation as hopeless?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“How is it not hopeless?” Roman was deep into the depression. All he saw was hopelessness. In his mind, there was no possible way it wasn’t hopeless.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Leah flicked her gaze between Roman and the Calianos. “We can finish the discussion needed for the evaluation after. Unless you’re okay going into here.” The whole conversation had swept into territory she normally wouldn’t involve family members in without a specific agreement, but this was hardly a a typical situation.

~Leah Hart, NP

Henry smiled. “We can take our leave, Lieutenant. Just promise us you’ll make him call us back. Alright?”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She shook her head. “It’s not my decision, but I hope now that the lines of communication are open that they can stay that way.” Leah nodded to Henry and Marianne.

When they were gone, she turned on the bed, crossing her legs and gazing at him as he lay on the bed, the picture of utter defeat. “There is hope for one simple reason: you are still here. And by that, I mean both on this ship and in this life. What other small things could be signs of hope?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“Does that mean you’re letting me stay?” Roman asked. There was actually a sliver of hope in his voice as he glanced over at Leah. Though, for him to look so casual and relaxed was… not normal for him. To him to be such in the presence of one that wasn’t family was improper.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO