Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation
Posted by… suppressed (7) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“I’d be a poor replacement for what they lost. They don’t deserve that.” Roman was known for being quite confident and self assured. To hear him be… So self critical and hateful, would be a shock to anyone that knew him.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She removed her hand and sat more upright watching him for a moment. “Well, let’s call them and ask, shall we?”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman sat straight up himself and shook his head. “No, no! They can’t see me like this! Not here, not… No!”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Sitting there on the floor with him, Leah gazed at him with curiosity. “Like what? A person who is in pain and needs his family?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“On a psych hold? Looking like this?” Roman said as if it should be obvious. “Don’t make me suffer such indignities. It would only be cruel.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She tilted her head and gazed at him intently. “If you had gone through a surgery for an injury or illness and were recovering in a medical facility, would you welcome visitors?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“Ehm…” Roman smiled awkwardly, a little sheepishly, remembering his recovery after he’d been electrocuted. “It… depends?”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Hart nodded. “It’s not unusual for physical ailments to be treated differently than mental health. Which is unfortunate, but reality. For some, anything affecting the mind is seen as meaning we’re weak, that there is something wrong with us fundamentally. But the reality is that part of being a sentient being living in this universe is that we experience different things and not all of them will be pleasant, or leave us better off. The way I’m looking at even this eval with you right now is much the same way would we would look at a physical ailment with a cause we can’t identify yet. We can pick out the symptoms and see how they are affecting you, but getting that full picture takes time.”

“I have had many patients who had to remain in care awhile. And one of the best boosters to mental health is having social contact with those that uplift you. That might not be Jay’s parents, but given how your current situation is related, I do think they could help. Does it have to be right now, no. But I would like you to consider us calling them soon. What that looks like exactly we can discuss, but this is one of those courageous steps I think you know deep down you need to take.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Ugh, more blah-blah about how courageous all this was. It wasn’t, not to Roman, not for himself. “We’ll discuss it.” He relented, not wanting to say yes.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She simply nodded. It was good enough for now. “I want to circle back to this idea that Jay deserves to be here more than you do. What do you think Jay himself would say to that?”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman chuckled, but it was a sad sound. He looked like he was trying not to break back down into sobs. “He’d say I’m being ridiculous.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“What else would he say to you about this situation?” Leah asked, her tone gentle once again.

~Leah Hart, NP

“Why does that matter? He’s not here, is he?” Roman replied, getting upset once again. “I think you already know anyway.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Humour me by articulating it for yourself,” she said, gesturing for him to go on.

~Leah Hart, NP

“No, I don’t want to. I can’t.” Roman was starting to cry harder again, and like before, trying to hide it. “Is this necessary? To.. to pass this assessment?”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She took a long and deep breath, bringing herself to stillness. To calm. “If I could sit here with you and not trigger anything painful Roman, I would. But the nature of the struggle you are facing, of the depression, of the PTSD, of your suicidal state, tells me that the root of the path forward is in the pain. We avoid pain. It’s completely expected and it’s normal for many sentient species to avoid that which hurts them. Avoiding your pain won’t get you where you want to be. It won’t keep you on the Sentinel and it certainly won’t keep you in Starfleet. To be quite honest, the amount of work before you is extensive. There is no test to pass. We agreed that we would work together to find a path forward, and ideally that is one that keeps you here where you want to be. And I want that for you too. So no, it’s not necessary. You can choose to give up, you can choose the simpler, less painful road, but we both know it’s a predetermined path. If I let you walk out of here and go about the ship as if nothing has changed for you, I would be not only doing you a disservice but also legally culpable for putting you and this crew in harm’s way. I won’t do that,” she said firmly.

She had an idea how they might be able to proceed from here, but she needed to wait for him to process what she had told him and see where they stood.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman was quiet for a while as he processed her words. He wanted to deny those things, the depression and the PTSD, but it was the same things Randy had said. Instead he said, “I understand you can’t do that, but I am not a threat to the crew. I would never, could never, let anything happen to them.” Then he sighed a long breath that ended in more tears, “He wasn’t like me. Wasn’t…” he gestures vaguely at himself and the room. “Would never have found himself here. Never.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“It’s very easy to idealize someone we love, especially after we’ve lost them. We can easily forget their faults, and I think in this case when we factor in the clear guilt you have, it’s easy to see how Jay can become an almost mythical person. But the reality is often different. Most people don’t know what sort of circumstances will lead to mental health struggles. No one can predict how they will handle trauma. No one, not even me with all my training and experience. Each person and each situation is different. So maybe if your roles had been reversed, Jay might not have experienced the same struggles as you, but you cannot know what struggles he could have had just going through life.” Leah paused there and took in a deep breath. “Do you not think that Jay would have been just as upset as you had your situation been reversed?”

~Leah Hart, NP