Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Leah took calming breaths and let his words fill the room. “And I can see how strong you have been to have carried this for so long. It take great courage to keep going. I know it’s painful. I do know what I am asking of you and I don’t ask lightly. But I think it is eating away at you. Maybe not as quickly, as you alluded to, but holding it in is doing you harm. Otherwise you would not have written that note. I am not going to say that I understand your experiences, but I want to. And I do know what it is like to lose someone who meant a great deal with you and helped shape who you are. I want to celebrate this person who was so special to you. I don’t know Jay, but if he was so important to you that it is this painful to talk about him, then I suspect he was pretty amazing, and someone I want to learn all about. I’d like to know him through your eyes, Roman.”

~Leah Hart, NP

(OOC: Retconned, as discussed)

Roman began to cry softly, shaking his head again. “Please, stop. Please.” Tears dropped down his face. This was embarrassing to him and he turned away. Bright red hair and freckles, a smiling face. A goof ball that brought fun and spontaniety to an otherwise serious, quiet, and somewhat withdrawn Roman. That face, blank and empty on that horrible day… Roman’s crying turned to hard sobs. Why did it have to be him? He deserved to be here so much more than Roman did. So much more.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Leah took a chance, listened to her instincts, and reached out, gently resting a hand on his arm. “Stop what? Stop wanting you to not be in so much pain that you can’t bear to exist in this universe anymore? I can’t do that.” It wasn’t what he was saying, but she knew that. “See, without knowing the details of Jay’s life, I already know some important things about him. And it makes me wonder what he would say to you right now if he could. But I don’t know that. You do. You know it deep inside, even if you don’t want to face it. But you were courageous enough to make it this far, and you are beyond brave to let yourself feel anything right now. You need to stay here in this moment, as hard as it is. Be even more courageous, Roman- if not for yourself, than for Jay.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman continued to sob hard, until his eyes were puffy, his face was wet, and he had a slight headache. He sniffed and huffed and breathed until he pulled himself together enough to say, “He should be here to tell you himself, not me.” Then his sobs continued.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Keeping her hand on his arm, Leah let him cry without judgement, without any expression other than care and understanding. She wanted him to see that his emotions were perfectly acceptable in this space with her. Maybe he couldn’t show them outside this room, but that was okay too. What he needed was a release valve, a way to process them.

When there was a moment she could tell things were shifting for him, she nodded. “I wish he was too and it is sad and hard that he is not. All we can do is acknowledge that his absence is hard while also allowing the life he did live to be remembered. He matters to you Roman. Not in the past tense, but right now. And that is allowed. That is beautiful. I can tell how much you loved him. I bet he knew it too, even if you couldn’t tell him so. Sometimes we just know these things about our loved ones, especially if they are the ones we chose to have in our life. But is that true? Did you love him?”

~Leah Hart, NP

That only made him cry harder. He curled into a ball nestled on the floor, head tucked in toward his chest. “We were brothers. Close brothers.” Came his muffled, shaky, cry-y voice.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Leah shifted her position so she could rest her hand on his shoulder. She was careful not to do more than that but she wanted him to know that what he was feeling was met with compassion and care. “What a beautiful gift to have given each other. That you chose to give. I am sure he loved you too. And that makes his absence so difficult all on its own.’

“What did you love most about him?” she asked softly.

~Leah Hart, NP