Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation
Posted by… suppressed (34) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Roman shrugged, “Is that not how family is?” He folded his legs so he was sitting cross legged. “I suppose Rand’s isn’t. Or at least so she says.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Sitting there in a mirrored position, Leah went with the shift. “Apparently not,” she said with a light laugh. “Imagine my surprise after I finished my nurse training and moved out on my own for the first time. It was one thing to have friends with well-adjusted families, but there I was watching such families interact and couldn’t help but go, ‘Huh, so that’s what that looks like.’”

Hart drew in a long and slow breath. “My father was the one who got me best. Never tried to make me be something I wasn’t. My maternal grandmother is the same way. Too bad her daughter wasn’t,” she said, rolling her eyes.

~Leah Hart, NP

“Hm,” said Roman. “I’m sorry that’s how things were for you.” It was genuine, but also meant to keep her from asking questions about his family.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Leah rolled her hands and gazed at him expectantly. “Your turn.”

~Leah Hart, NP

“I went to a very prestigious private school,” said Roman, and then he gave the name of his school and his graduation accolades. He was trying to keep to superficial things.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

When you were trying new things, especially things you didn’t want to do, there was always a certain learning curve that you had to expect. A certain resistance would go along with that. And then there was sheer stubbornness. Roman was dealing with both, not that she hadn’t anticipated this already. She was modelling a process that was hard for him. Expecting huge shifts in a short time was not reasonable.

“When I was twelve years old, I was climbing a tree. There was this giant tree in the park we were at having a celebratory family picnic before my sister started university. I, of course, decided to climb it. My mother kept telling me to come down, but I wanted to see out from up high because we were in the hills and there was a good view if you could find a vantage point. I sat on this big limb and could see the lake on the other side of our valley. It was so pretty. But my mother was getting angry and so I climbed down. I was doing quite well till I hit one spot and got a bit stuck. Suffice to say, despite my agile efforts, I fell out of the tree four metres and fractured my left wrist and all three bones in my right shoulder. First bones I ever broke and I joke now it’s because I do things with style.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman listened attentively to her story, with a reflexive “ouch” at the part of the story where she fell four meters. He smiled, “The best way for a child to learn is to explore… Even if the result isn’t great.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Too true,” Leah said with a nod. “And it sounds like you know from experience. Share an example.” She was still keeping it light but she didn’t want to deviate from this experiment they were trying.

~Leah Hart, NP

It was said casually and light, but it was an order of sorts, she wasn’t going to let him skirt around it. Roman shook his head ever so slightly. He didn’t want to, he couldn’t. All of his stories… He… No, he wouldn’t go there, not now. Because then he’d cry and he wouldn’t do that.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

For a moment Leah just said nothing, considering how best to proceed. She drew in a slow breath and tilted her head ever so slightly. “You have zero anecdotes form your own life? You never did anything silly as a child, or got overly adventurous, or were determined to do something? I’m not asking for difficult moments, Commander, we’re just sharing facts. The events that have happened to us are factual. We’re not even talking about how we felt about it at the time, or now. We’re taking baby steps here, not opening up every dark wound that has ever happened in your life.”

~Leah Hart, NP

“I know that, Lieutenant,” Roman replied with a sigh. He seemed like he was trying to express something, but instead grew frustrated and huffed. “How are you to tell what is and isn’t difficult for me to share?” He said at last, irritation in his voice.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded, still sitting cross-legged in front of him. “That is a fair point. I can’t. And that’s why this process is a difficult one. While there is a basic sort of questionnaire a practitioner in my situation my use, it stopped being useful awhile ago. Because it’s a general approach and people have individual needs and experiences. My hope was to try an approach others might not have and see where we got. I am simply using my experiences and intuition to find a way for us to get towards the end of the evaluation.” Leah took a deep breath. “Tell me, what is the worst that could happen if you were to reveal these memories or experiences to me? What do you believe will happen?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“Well, I don’t believe anything ridiculous will happen,” Roman said. “I just… I don’t like talking about these things.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded again. “I understand that. But sometimes we have to do things we don’t enjoy because it serves a greater purpose. What reason do you think I have for asking you about yourself, about your history?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“To nose into my personal life and draw conclusions about my problems?” Roman quipped, still frustrated and annoyed. He sat for a moment in silence, then, “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. I just… I don’t… Know how to… erm, say things.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She gazed at him softly. “You’re allowed to have feelings about things, Roman. You’re allowed to get upset and frustrated and I promise I won’t take it personally. Unless you cross lines and your behaviour becomes abusive in some way, in which case I will absolutely call you on it. So feel your feelings Roman Alden. They are yours. Acknowledge them.” She could have kept going but for the moment she just watched his reaction.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman seemed to get uncomfortable. There was some part of him that was relieved she wasn’t offended by his outbursts, but emotions were unsightly, not to be seen, not to affect one’s actions. Not like the vulcans, more of an old timey class thing. Unsure what else to do, he simply recited that. “To let one’s feelings show so overtly is unsightly, even rude.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Why?” she asked simply. Leah let the question hang there inviting him to give more information.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman shrugged, unable to come up with an answer. “Just is.” Leah would likely know by now, he was known for being quite supportive of crewmembers’ problems, he didn’t believe that when it came to other people.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Well that’s a bullshit answer for a scientist,” she said flatly. “Where’s your evidence?” Leah gestured around them. “And in here? Why would showing your emotions to me here be rude?”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman seemed slightly taken aback. “I am a scientist, not everything in my life is an experiment, Lieutenant.” He gave her a look, “Showing them to anyone is rude, and being here with you is both shameful and embarrassing. Needing you is essentially like saying ‘I can’t handle my own life’. It’s not considered a good thing.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Ahhh, but I told you I needed help and you said it wasn’t shameful. So the support and compassion only applies to others, is that correct? Why doesn’t it apply to you? What makes you so special, so above everyone else?” Her tone was casual, breezy.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman scoffed, “I’m certainly not special, nor above anyone. What kind of question is that?” He called Pipkin back over by patting the floor and gave her a little more attention.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Then why doesn’t this concept apply to you too?” Leah asked again.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman was silent for several moments and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

As much as she could push when needed, Leah could also sit back and hold space for silence. She wasn’t afraid of those blank spaces. Most therapists were not, but Leah could out-wait a patient for a very long time if needed. So give this she was glad he did eventually speak. “So this is perhaps where we need to start. And I can’t promise that we won’t trip over a difficult moment or topic, but we’re trying something new to you. It’s going to be uncomfortable at times,” she reminded him.

“I want you to think of a time, any time, where someone in your life made you feel that an emotion you expressed was a bad thing. could be anyone, at anytime.” She didn’t want to narrow down the conversation at this point.

~Leah Hart, NP

“Can you… Make that a little less vague?” Roman asked, chuckling nervously. “I suppose I could give you a random one, but there are so many…”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Just name the first that comes to mind,” Hart said. Most likely the ones that came to mind first were more vivid and that gave them more to talk about.

~Leah Hart, NP

It took him a long moment to respond. “I was eight, crying over the loss of a pet.” He didn’t mention his father was the cause of the loss of that pet. “They said to mourn it was natural, but to cry, especially in front of others was… an unsavoury sight. Only babes cry.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded slowly. “And of course eight year olds don’t want to be considered babies. What did that make you feel in the moment?”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman shrugged, “Ashamed, I suppose. I don’t know, I was eight. Never been good at all this emotional garbage.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She couldn’t help but smirk… just a little. “Well, I think that’s the point. Just like anything we don’t develop an ability to do something without practice.” Leah leaned in ever so slightly towards him, but still made sure not to cross into his personal bubble. “But just in case you’re not sure, you’re doing great. We’re aiming for progress, not perfection.”

“Do you think that eight year had a right to feel that way? To feel ashamed?”

~Leah Hart, NP

What was the right answer? Yes, because according the Leah, he should feel whatever he needs to, or no, because she shouldn’t have been made to feel that way? Roman frowned in thought before uttering a questioning, “No?”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“You’re asking me?” she said, tilting her head. “There is no right answer here, Roman, and I understand that that is difficult, but I’m trying to understand your thought processes. I believe it will allow us to have easier conversations and hopefully you will get less frustrated by how I approach things. Or maybe I’ll keep pissing you off,” She shrugged. “It’s always a toss up because therapy is messy. And while we’re just doing an assessment right now, we can’t make a plan unless we understand wher we are stating from.

“Let me come at it a different way. When you think of the person who made you feel ashamed for mourning a pet you loved, what feelings or thoughts come to mind.” She knew she was giving a partial out, but she had her methods.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman’s face hardened. “Nothing. We haven’t spoken in many years. Not since I was sixteen.” That wasn’t technically true, but Roman didn’t want to bring up the letters and the circumstances around his brother’s death just now.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Why did you stop talking to them, and who were they to you?” Hart asked, slowly weaving pieces together into an image she could see.

~Leah Hart, NP

“My parents. They disowned me. Are we done with this topic?” Roman asked shortly, clearly not liking the direction of this conversation.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“I can tell you are uncomfortable talking about them, but I’d like to stay here a little bit longer. I’m going to ask you to sit in the discomfort because I know you are capable of it. And I want to stay on this idea of emotions being shameful to display. I’m wondering if you ever countered that, ever tried to tell them, or anyone else, that your emotions are yours and allowed.” Leah was’t entirely sure how this would go, and even if she could guess at an answer, what she was keeping an eye out for less obvious.

~Leah Hart, NP

“Them? No, you learn fairly quickly trying to tell them anything differently than they believe only goes poorly for you.” There was someone else, but he wasn’t bringing them up.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded. “Were they like this with everyone, or was it only you?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“They had their favorites,” Roman replied with an uncomfortable shrug.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“What emotions were okay to show?” Leah asked. Again, she suspected she knew what the answer might be, but she wanted his words and his perspective. She was also prepared to be wrong entirely.

~Leah Hart, NP

“None of them,” Roman replied, “at least not… strongly. That wasn’t just me, though, that’s how things are in their… particular social circle. Imagine living in Victorian England, but with replicators and padds.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded. If his answer was different than she expected, she didn’t let on at all. “What emotions did you want to be able to show but felt you couldn’t?”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman looked at her like it was a strange question and shrugged. “It was so many years ago now, what can that possibly matter?”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Humour me,” she said. “Assume it does matter and that I’m not asking for no reason.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman, to his credit, did try, he honestly thought about it, but then shook his head and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO