Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation
Posted by… suppressed (35) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Rand shook her head, “No, it shouldn’t take me long.” She took the blanket off the bed, folded it and set it on the table. She took Roman’s PaDD and inserted a data disk. She worked at the table where Hart could watch. She saved everything that wasn’t his books to the disk, then removed library access, and removed the disk and set it in the desk drawer.

Then she went to the closet and knelt down. Carefully she opened Roman’s violin case and removed everything that was not the violin, bow, and resin. She set everything she took out carefully into one of his storage bins. She brought the case out and set it, open on the table as well. The next part took the longest.

She found Pipkin’s travel crate, extra water bottle, food dish, litter box. She filled small containers with bedding, food, and hay. She pulled out a small brush and a few new toys. She set it all on the table. Everything, minus the food, was brand new and never been opened. “We’ve never had to take her anywhere. I can set it all up if you prefer, but I thought Roman might want to.”

Yeoman Rand

“I agree that he should do it himself,” Leah said with a nod. She wanted to give him as much agency as she could under the circumstances. He had more than he believed, and that might seem on the surface, but it was allowing him to flex that agency at opportune moments that would allow them to proceed with his path forward in a positive way.

“Just pass me whatever you need me to carry and we’ll get this cleared and sorted.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Rand took an empty duffel and put the rabbit stuff all together, then put the blanket and PaDD in a different one. Then closed the violin case. “Okay, all ready.” She kept the violin and one of the duffels and handed the other to Hart. She knew she wouldn’t be allowed to see Roman again, but she didn’t mind helping carry everything back down.

Yeoman Rand

Leah took the proffered item and together they made they way back to the temp quarters. She set the duffle down so security could screen everything and turned to Rand. “So, come on by for breakfast in the morning. You can make him tea. As mentioned, I won’t make promises about what tomorrow will or will not look like, but he and I are going to do some more work together so I can finish the eval and then we’ll go from there. But if anything changes in the interim, I’ll let you know.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Rand set down her own bag and the violin case and stepped back. “Thank you, Lt. I appreciate the consideration.” It was a slightly awkward moment for Rand. She wanted so badly to go in and stay with him. She knew she couldn’t, and it would be wrong to try and convince Hart to let her. Roman had to do the work himself; Rand knew that. “We usually eat early, 0545 or 0600. If that’s too early just let me know. I have to return to duty now.” She did a neat little about-face and went down and around the corridor for the lift.

Yeoman Rand

Leah smiled as Rand left and then took the cleared rabbit supplies in with her. She gave Roman a smile. “I return with rabbit stuff,” she said, setting it down. “Feel free to set it up while we get back to chatting.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman was sitting on the bed, cross legged, with Pipkin in his lap. The little rabbit was putting her nose to his shirt and then headbutting his hands for pet. When Leah entered with the rabbit supplies he, careful of the bunny, stood quickly, and went for the supplies, beginning to set everything up.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She watched him for a moment and sat on the end of the bed. “Tell me more about Pipkin. You two clearly have a strong bond.”

~Leah Hart, NP

“She was a birthday gift from Rand, a couple years ago. The year I was in sickbay for my leg.” Roman told her. He kept working with the rabbit supplies as he spoke. “She did it because I told her a story once. That I had always wanted a rabbit like Pipkin.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“And what is Pipkin like that matches that story?” she asked, her head tilted slightly as she watched his careful preparations.

~Leah Hart, NP

He put the small hutch together and then began preparing the bedding and toys and bowls. He seemed quite skilled with it, liked he’d done it many times before. “Well, the story wasn’t about a rabbit, exactly, but… She was my dream pet. Like, that golden retriever everybody used to want, but for me, it was an orange, female, Netherland dwarf rabbit. How Miranda managed to find one, within this part of space, is beyond me.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded, listening attentively as always. “People who love us can often go to extraordinary lengths to make up happy. What a truly wonderful gift.”

“I’m one of those people who believe that we can form deep lasting bonds with animals as well as people, and those bonds, while different, are no less special. What is it that you think makes you and Pipkin bonded together as we can so clearly see,” she said, gesturing to Pipkin keeping close to Roman.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman glanced down at the rabbit and shrugged uncomfortably. “I don’t know. I’ve always had bonds with animals. It’s why I’m in the field I’m in.” He finished setting it up and set it up in the room, leaving the door open so she could reach her bowls and litter pan. Then he picked up the rabbit and scratched her ears. “What does this have to do with the eval?” He asked, just wanting it over with.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Hart considered him for a moment, thinking over her answer and approach carefully. “It has to do with the likelihood you’ll take your life if you are released. Even though you have clear bonds with Pipkin, and Rand, sometimes those bonds aren’t enough. And you can lie to me and say you’re doing much better, but we both know different. So what I would like to know and am hoping you can say for yourself is what would help you to feel or think more positively, optimistically or hopefully about your future?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“Did you read my note? I figured you would have.” Roman continued to give Pipkin attention, it was relaxing and helped him be more comfortable. He wasn’t looking at Leah, instead the rabbit, as he spoke. “It has nothing to do with the future and everything to do with what I can live with. Obviously the future looks fantastic, I want to marry Rand, spend more time with Pipkin, do my job. But I can’t anymore.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“What can’t you live with precisely?” Leah asked softly. Sometimes it wasn’t about what she knew or didn’t, but about how the other person conveyed. The words they used, the process they took to get to that next important step.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman hugged Pipkin gently and hid his face in her fur, refusing to elaborate. He took a deep breath against the rabbit before lifting his face enough to speak, but still hiding it with Pipkin’s fur. “You’ve read it. I won’t say it. I can’t.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“What do you believe will happen if you were to say the words aloud?” Leah asked, shifting her legs into a cross-legged position. The casual body language remained open.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman looked up at her, his eyes ever so slightly puffy. He was trying to hide how he felt. “It’s not that I believe something will happen if I say it. It’s that it… I just, I can’t, I can’t.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“You can,” she said with confidence. “The things that stop us from speaking hard truths aloud can feel overwhelming though. But I have evidence right here-“she gestured to Pipkin-“that you can do hard things.”

“When you say you can speak these words, is it truly that you don’t fear any consequences or is it perhaps that someone in the past made it feel unsafe to say what’s on your mind?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“Why would you ask that? Have I ever made anyone think that?” Roman replied defensively, continuing to pet the bunny. It was true, someone had done that, but Roman never spoke of his family.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“It’s just a question,” Leah said simply. People weren’t defensive for no reason. “And fears don’t stem from nothing. They don’t appear for no reason. So what are you afraid of Roman Alden? They are just words. What power do they hold over you?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“I’m not afraid of anything.” Roman claimed, as he generally did. “It isn’t fear that prevents me from saying it, it’s shame.” And pain, and hurt, but he wouldn’t admit to those. Admitting to the shame was hard enough, that in and of itself was shameful enough to him.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded slowly, hands resting gently in her lap, all the while keeping her arms open towards her sides. “Why shame? tell me more,” Leah said.

~Leah Hart, NP

“To allow any emotion to overcome oneself is shameful. One should instead let the past go and carry on,” Roman said after a lengthy silence. It was a standard it was well known he didn’t hold anybody else to, only himself.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Leah had to suppress the shudder that rolled through her as he came oh so close to sounding like his mother. It was enough to derail her train of thought and her eyes drifted to the violin case. gazing at the case, she felt a longing that was hard to explain. “Do you know how to play any Spanish music on the violin?” Leah asked softly.

~Leah Hart, NP

“Yes.” Roman looked at her and shrugged, setting Pipkin on the bed. “I don’t usually play for an audience, but if you’d like me to, I suppose I could.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

There was a fine line she wanted to tread here but she suspected it might help them both. “Please? Consider it something as first officer you could do for a new crew member who is in a vastly different situation than the one she just left.” Leah leaned forward, bracing her arms on the knees of her crossed legs. “My abuela, my only living grandparent, lives in Sevilla. She used to be a flamenco dancer and she taught me to love dance. I would visit her on my days off. Music is such a big part of my culture and I’m feeling its absence more than I thought I would.”

~Leah Hart, NP

“There are not many flamenco tunes for violin, but I do know something similar enough.” He went to the violin case, his hand lingering momentarily over the accessory pocket, then popped it open and removed the instrument and its bow. He looked at the case for a moment. Rand had removed everything for him. He wondered if she’d looked at them. He didn’t let anyone see them.

He took the violin and sat on one of the chairs, at the edge, straight backed, brought the violin to his chin and the bow to the strings and began to play an upbeat Spanish tune meant for dancing. His heart wasn’t as in it as it normally was, he wasn’t much in the mood for upbeat music, but it still sounded beautiful.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

While there was an exchange that happened between a musician and their audience, even his dampened interest couldn’t stop Leah from closing her eyes and let her mind drift. For a moment she could let herself be lying in the shade under one of the many Iberian holm oaks that dotted the central greenspace that her grandmother’s terraced home (and all her neighbours) backed on to. She could hear the music floating through open windows, or maybe it was evening and people had gathered after sundown to enjoy the respite from the heat over a communal meal.

Leah smiled and opened her eyes. “Thank you,” she said softly. “I grew up with music, but never learned to play. Anything I tried I had to learn to be not just proficient at, but excel at. Nothing else was acceptable. But like I said, my grandmother inspired my dancing and so not only learned to dance, I was a championship ballroom and flamenco dancer. Some days it feels like it was a lifetime ago.”

~Leah Hart, NP

“I am an expert in ballroom dance, as is Rand. She learned for her… previous career path,” he wasn’t sure if Hart knew Rand had been an actress. Rand didn’t talk about it to most people. “I learned because I was required to. Perfection was required, and I was only to participate in those activities which were deemed worthy of me. Only to socialize with those worthy of me. Class is an outdated idea, miss Hart. But not to everybody. Not in the social circle I was raised into.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded, though was surprised at learning both him and Rand danced. That was interesting. “My mother is an MD and a Director of Biomedical Research. My sister is a Neurologist. My late father was a Doctor of Engineering. My maternal grandfather was a neurosurgeon. I’m a nurse. And when I told my family I was going to do some more training, my mother assumed that meant I was going to go to medical school to become a doctor. She didn’t say anything about my nurse practitioner training. In fact, she didn’t talk to me for 6 weeks after I told her I got a place at Starfleet Academy, following in the footsteps of my paternal grandfather. She talks to me now, but not a conversation goes by where she doesn’t causally ask if I wouldn’t be happier back home working at a better facility under better conditions. Which is Liliana-speak for getting my medical degree and working at the fancy medical centre she works at. As far as she is concerned, being a nurse practitioner is bad enough, but being on a starship?” She laughed. “I am quite an embarrassment to her. Not that she would say it so bluntly, but she doesn’t have to.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman nodded. “You are, I am sure, aware that serving aboard a ship, especially to fulfill such a needed specialty, is quite honorable. I once knew an old, retired captain who believed strongly in the necessity of counselors.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She grinned. “You know that, and I know that, but for some people like my mother, no matter certain people do, they will always see the flaws. See what is missing, rather than what is right there before them. It’s admittedly gotten worse since my father died, so for a little while I gave her some grace for that, but really, especially after all my more recent training, I can see her for what she is. And it does upset me. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just cut ties with her, but then I’d most likely lose so many other people I care about. I’m not sure I can do that. And contrary to popular belief, therapists are not immune to mental health issues. What my mother hasn’t inflicted herself, my father’s death did the rest.” Pain swept over her face and she looked around the room. “I had a breakdown in the middle of a shift in the ER. Everyone was staring at me like I had lost my mind. I was determined to make everything better after he died, clear his name, but people thought I was obsessed because I wouldn’t let it go. And when people tried to convince me I was chasing a fantasy, I rebelled, doubled-down on my investigation. I stopped sleeping. One of the attending doctors tried to pull me aside to talk to me about it, but I refused and got aggressive with him. That was my first mistake. The second was not realizing that they were already convinced that I was delirious. In the end we were both wrong and both right. I did need help, but I was also right about my father. But having sat in a room not so dissimilar to this, I can tell you that I actually do know what it’s like.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman listened intently and politely. “They cared for you, those you worked with. You accepted the help they knew you needed. There’s no shame in that. And you were able to do right by your father.” He smiled politely, but there was genuine care and concern in his look. “I’m glad you’re doing well now. And I’m sorry for your loss.” He set the violin down gently. “The crew must look out for each other. Always.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She gave him a soft smile. “Thank you. And yes, they should. Do you think the crew looks out for you?” She purposefully avoided using his rank. He was so determined to keep the formality that it was getting in the way and Leah was done going gently in that area. However, bashing through a wall rarely created an optimal therapeutic rapport. As usual, Leah was going about it sideways.

~Leah Hart, NP

“I look out for them. It’s my job as their commander and first officer. Not only that, I won’t lose another crew.” His look was stubborn and determined. He used formality as a shield, it was the way he was raised and he felt comfortable that way.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She shook her head and fixed her gaze on him. “That’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you thought the crew looked out for you.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman shrugged. “Not their job. It doesn’t matter.” He patted his lap to call Pipkin and the rabbit came hopping over. “I wouldn’t ask them to.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO