Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Years Past - Meeting Her Crush… But Not That Kind Of Crush

Posted by Lieutenant Kreed (Chief Medical Officer) in Years Past - Meeting Her Crush… But Not That Kind Of Crush

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Years Past - Meeting Her Crush… But Not That Kind Of Crush
Posted by… suppressed (12) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Kreed looked at her and thought for a moment. “The model is a very sentimental piece, I think. And it will serve as a reminder of these events far into my future. The tricorder… that was wholly unexpected. It must havevtaken a great deal of string-pulling and effort for them to obtain the device. I have only read about it, and did not know that it was so far into development.”

Kreed

“Sure beats medals and all the pomp and circumstance, doesn’t it?” Leah said, leaning against the wall of the lift, waiting for him to take them to their next destination. She had another (and possibly more cheeky) question but would save it for the moment.

~Leah Hart, NP

“Verily.” Kreed replied as the lift slowed to a stop. The doors opened onto a mostly dark passageway. The damage here had yet to be dealt with in any way; and it was only then that Hart could see the actual extent of what the ship and her crew had been subjected to.

Whereas a normal starship passageway had a floor and bulkheads that acted slightly towards the ceiling, this passgway was… distrubing. The entire passage was bent and twisted; like some giant, petulant child had thrown a fit and tried to destroy the space. The floor was warped and bent at sharp angles. Instead of a smooth, open hallway there was only the barest space in most places. In some, the opposing bulkheads were shoved together so they almost blocked the passageway entirely. Wiring hung in lifeless clusters from openings where access panels had burst off their tracks. It was chaos. It was claustrophobic. It was like looking at the very intention of wanton destruction.

Kreed stepped out of the lift and knelt down, setting his gifts on a piece of twisted dutririum. He stood and moved forward; climbing up, down and through the crushed and mangled wreckage until he came to a spot that had obviously been cut open by something very hot. He stared at the hole with blackened edges and then said “Here. This is where they pulled me out. I was told it took them six hours to cut their way to me. Another four to get me prepared to be moved. Ten hours…” and for the first time since she had started speaking with him, the Saurian’s voice cracked and a tear slid down from his large black eyes. “Ten hours they could have spent helping others… hours that could have been used to shore up the ship… maybe help someone who did not survive.” It was an… odd… tone that carried along with his words. It wasn’t guilt. Nor was it regret or remorse or any of the common reactions a mental health professional would expect. No… Kreed’s tone carried an almost palpable wave of confusion and humblness. It was clearly apparent that he truly didn’t understand why he was the center of so much attention. And it was now made plainly obvious to Hart that when he told her his actions were what he would expect any Star Fleet Officer would do… it was not the stereotypical false humility so often expressed by those sharing the rarefied circumstances that he found himself in. He actually expected any of the individuals he served with to go such lengths if the circumstances warranted it. He truly believed that all of them had that level of dedication inside them. It was both a wholly noble sentiment… but one that could lead to extreme disappointment.

Kreed

Leah carefully followed him, her shorter body having to do the navigation that his longer legs managed with more ease. She crouched to the side of the hole and listened, watching his emotional display, wanting to connect the dots but also knowing she had be cautious about the precise way those dots were connected. “It is hard to know how things could have played out. We can play ‘what if’, but it’s not always a useful exercise. For some it can be more harmful than helpful,” she said, gazing up at him. Currently, he towered over her, but crouched though she was, Hart took up space in this twisted version of a ship’s deck. “It can be a complicated situation when people or a person are placed on a pedestal. It can place them in a position where they are being measured by a standard they will never live up to.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Kreed was silent for a moment and the looked at her, four eyelids blinking in the dim light. “But I wouldn’t be in such a position… on a ‘pedestal’, as you say… had I not lived up to that standard by my actions, correct?” and then his eyes widened… and realization set in. “But it is exactly because I did what I did- even though from my perspective that it is was not above and beyond- and few others have or possible would… that all the fuss is being made? Is that a correct summation, Lieutenant?”

Kreed

“It is a distinct possibility, yes,” Leah said. “It’s not that people don’t hope that they would do the same thing if they had been in your situation, but the thing is we can never know until that moment we are. In an organization like Starfleet, we need heroes and heroics, and we need to believe we can be and do those things. Because our jobs and lives are risky. We have given an oath to take risks the average citizen of the Federation should hopefully never have to. That’s the goal. But it does create a lot of pressure, for the ones deemed the heroes, and the rest looking up to them. It creates a metric for which people evaluate their own actions, and for some that can be crushing if they don’t believe they can live up to that standard. What they often don’t realize is that that fear doesn’t make them less than anyone else, it just makes them mortal.”

Kreed nodded and looked at the hole, reaching out and touching the blackened metal gently, as if he was afraid it would crumble under his touch.

“Be proud of your actions, Kreed, because you absolutely should be, but just remember that there will be those that come from backgrounds where they don’t have that same confidence in themselves. Maybe they were told they were worthless, and so while they see you and see a hero, they secretly know they will never measure out. They doubt their capacity to make that same decision, regardless of whatever reality might be. And some day one of those people might be a junior officer of yours, or a peer.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Bump

Kreed nodded and stayed silent for a moment. He just looked at the hole. Finally he said sim0ly “I am ready to leave, now.” and he turned and looked at Hart. “Thank yiu for helping me return here. It had been a productive experience.”

Kreed

She nodded. “I’m glad.” Leah extricated herself from the debris, mindful not to brush her body against anything. Making it to a clearer part of the corridor she led him back to the transporter room. “How are you feeling physically? Did you want to go back to your room, or if you’re feeling alright, we could sit outside and enjoy some fresh air. Either way, it’s up to you.”

~Leah Hart, NP

After stopping to pick up his gifts, Kreed walked up onto the pad. “I think I would like a late breakfast. Or early lunch. ‘Brunch’, I believe the humans call it.’ He looked at the Transporter Chief. “Energize, please.” The Chief smiled and said “Good luck, Doc. And thank you.” and he slid the power draw up the console and the two figures vanished.

The materialized in the Transporter Room of the Academy Medical Center, but Kreed didn’t move through the door into the facility. Instead, he wordlessly walked out the door and into the bright San Francisco daylight. Once outside, he closed all four lids of eyes and lifted his head slightly to the sun. “That was more… intense… than I anticipated. But I am glad that we did it.”

Kreed

Leah loved the sun and would happily bask in it when she could. Goodness knows she had few opportunities to most of the time. “If you had to distill the experience into one or two take aways, or things that came ito focus for you, what would they be?”

~Leah Hart, NP

Kreed didn’t move or open his eyes, and was silent long enough it appeared he may not have heard her. But then he spoke. “I understand why there is such a big deal being made about what I did. I realize now that no, not all officers would have- or could have- done the same. And that makes me… disappointed. Not in them, but in me. I feel as if I have held others to too high a standard. And that is… unfortunate. I have probably not had some… connections… I could have had.” He opened his eyes and looked at Hart. “It also made me realize that I should have been more afraid than I was… that I apparently did not assess the nature of the damage to the ship as accurately as I should have, and that led me to take unknowing risks.” His eyes narrowed. “No… no that is incorrect. I did assess the damage correctly…” and he locked eyes with her for the first time. “I simply did not care. I needed to do my job to help the others.”

Kreed

Leah nodded slowly. “Sometimes, despite the fact that we should be afraid, our sense of duty, of what is right, compels us into action we cannot veer from. There’s nothing wrong with doing whatever it is you think you need to to fulfill that, but the reality becomes more clear in the aftermath. That is when we are faced with the consequences of our actions, positive or negative. For you, you saved a lot of lives by your actions. Positive consequence. But you were also severely injured. Negative consequence. You don’t seem to have any immediate mental health struggles. A positive. But you are learning to reframe the experience with empath for the experiences of others and the fact that people have limitations that may or may not be the same as ours. Now, some would be tempted to see that as a negative consequence, but I think that is a pretty useful understanding to come to, so my inclination is to call that a positive consequence, even if it can come with some negative emotions.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Kreed gave her a confused look. “Should it have negative emotions? I do not believe I have any. Just the opposite. I have an opportunity to significantly shift my perspective due to the availability of new data. I do not believe that is negative… I believe all scientists, doctors especially, should do so. It will allow me to better serve my patients and avoid… what do you humans call it… ‘tunnel vision’.” He looked back at the sun for a moment and then said “I like that term. Very succinct.”

Kreed

She grinned. “That it is,” she said with a nod. “As for the negative emotions, it’s not always logical but sometimes when our worldview is shifted dramatically, there is an adjustment period or we resist the change. It can feel uncomfortable and for many that discomfort is something to avoid. But if you can sit with that discomfort and find the value in it? Well, you will have much faster personal growth.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Kreed nodded and then said “I hope so.” He took a deep breath and then looked across the campus towards the Academy hospital. He sighed. “I do not want to go back. Even as a doctor, if I had a patient that was in my current circumstance and physical health, I would not confine them to a bed. It seems counterproductive to healing. I should be working towards reaching my previous level of physical activity and ability. And one would think crawling around the crushed and mangled remains of a starship to retrace one’s journey would be testament to my mobility.”

Kreed