Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation
Posted by… suppressed (9) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“Why not?” she asked softly. It wasn’t the first time he had asserted he couldn’t talk about it. He could but he was choosing not to and Leah needed to understand what was behind it, even if it was only a hint. She also knew that she would have to shift into Phase 2 very soon, but much depended on how he answered.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman took a short, shaky breath, shaking his head again. Because it hurt too much, because it reminded him of things he couldn’t think about without breaking down in tears, but he wasn’t able to verbalize that. So instead he said, fighting to keep his voice something resembling even, “I just can’t.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She watched him struggle and Leah well knew what that felt like, even if their experiences of it were vastly different. She inhaled deeply and radiated the genuine compassion she felt for this man. “You are so strong,” Hart said with conviction.

“You have to be in order to carry something that heavy, that overwhelming, for however long you have carried it. And it’s hard to be that strong. Harder still to feel like we can set that burden down for a moment. It can make everything feel so precarious, like everything will fall apart if we do.”

~Leah Hart, NP

“I’m not, though. ‘Cause I can’t keep doing it.” Roman replied. “That’s why. Why the note. Why all of it.” He looked up at her, not quite meeting her gaze. “There’s nothing to be put aside. Nothing can change things.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded very slowly. “Just because we’ve reached a breaking point, doesn’t mean we aren’t still strong. It just means that we’ve run out of tools to deal with the thing we’re carrying. It’s like running an experiment and finding that the one process you’ve been using isn’t ideal. So instead of tossing the whole experiment out as a failure, we adjust variables one by one till we find a process that works better.”

~Leah Hart, NP

“Except the experiment only needs to be run because of a catastrophic failure, irreparable.” Roman gave her a look, for once not hiding his emotions from his face. “It’s not fixable. I can’t go back and change things, that’s not how things work.” It was unimaginable to him to ‘get over’ it or move past it. And that’s what he felt like he was being forced to do. There was more to it, but he couldn’t say. Couldn’t make himself do it.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

There were circular conversations they could get into that would not help and they had approached the entry point to one. It was okay, she would get there a different way, when he was more ready. Roman might not know what that point truly was, but her goal was to give him every reason to take that change when it appeared. “Not everything needs to be fixed, Commander. Sometimes the answer is finding our way to some level of acceptance, when we’re ready.”

Roman shook his head again. There could be no acceptance, for to him, to accept it was to let go of something dear to him. And he couldn’t do that.

She drew in an audible breath. “Now, I think it might be time for a quick break. I will allow your fiancee to come visit later, but we need a bit more time to finish this assessment. In the meantime, if you could have anything here with you in these quarters, is there something you’d ask for?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“How long of a break? I want to get this over with so I can get out of here.” Roman complained, looking at her. He shook his head. “There’s nothing that important to me… Well, maybe the reports from the labs....”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Leah tilted her head at him. “Not even your violin?” She did not comment on his desire to leave asap. That was a given.

~Leah Hart, NP

He shifted slightly. There was some reason he didn’t want it. “It… I just don’t have the energy for it right now.” He said with a quick shrug.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded. “If you change your mind, we can have it brought here at any time. The same goes for any other personal item that is approved. I know you don’t want to be here, but for the time being this is where you need to be, and I cannot in good conscience release you to your own quarters. Not today, anyway. We’re going to take things day by day. I can see about bringing reports to you later after our conversation is finished for the day.”

“What?” Roman blustered, sitting forward and frowning. “Why not? What did I do?”

Leah shook her head. “This isn’t about action, Commander. It’s about risk. If nothing has changed since you wrote that letter, then you are still suicidal and I cannot in conscience release you until you and I have that plan in place we spoke about. A plan I will warn you will be an honest one.

The commander grinned sheepishly and sighed. “What sort of ‘plan’?”

“Is there any food or beverage item you find comforting or would really like to have?”

~Leah Hart, NP

He shook his head with a hefty sigh. “No, I’m not hungry anyway, it would be a waste.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“That is your choice,” she said softly as she slipped off the bed to her feet. “And you can change your mind at any time as well.” Leah drew in a deep breath. “Are you sure there’s nothing I can bring you? A comfortable sweater, a blanket from you bed. Anything?”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman thought a moment and then looked up at her, “A visit from my pet rabbit? Oh, and… maybe see if Rand will make a Scottish coffee… If not, then her tea.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO