Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

(snip)

She nodded. “Yes, I would agree. I know it seems like a pointless detail, but you’re going to have to humour me. You know what came to mind when you first were drafting that letter. I’m not interested in a list of possibilities. I want to know what you were inclined to do when you first decided that ending your life was the best way forward.”

~Leah Hart, NP

He shifted uncomfortably. “I… I wanted to make it look like an accident. You know, venemous animals… Things happen.” He shrugged awkwardly. He looked like he wanted to sink into the bed and vanish. “But then I… Could I do that without saying goodbye? I… I was toying with what would be easier… For her. When I wrote it.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Whether he knew it or not in this moment, Roman had just taken a huge step. The cards were on the table, as it were. “When you think of her finding that note, what thoughts of feelings come up?”

~Leah Hart, NP

There was a long silent moment of hesitation. “Guilt, mostly. She’d blame herself, even though she is blameless.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Leah nodded and took a deep breath. There was a point in a situation like this where a shift was possible, or at least the reckoning was there, waiting. They were walking a tight rope towards it, balancing each step, allowing themselves to waver and catch their balance. Did he know she would do everything she could to make sure he didn’t fall? Maybe there wasn’t trust yet, but it did feel like they had the beginnings of a rapport and that was more than they had had when they first spoke.

As he spoke these tiny truths, Hart continued to hold that safe space for him, but one that also would not let him hide from her or himself either.

“It’s inevitable that the pain is perpetuated. There’s no where else for it to go. We can remove it from ourselves, but like all things in the universe, it doesn’t cease to exist. And sometimes, the ones we love hold onto that pain as if they might be able to feel connected to us still.” She could have continued and asked another question, but for the moment Leah just let her observation filter out into the room.

~Leah Hart, NP