Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation
Posted by… suppressed (6) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

She could have risen to the bait, but Leah did not. “Did you intend to follow through on the letter?”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman grew very silent and frowned. The truth was, he wasn’t sure, he’d wanted to, but had he truly intended to do it? But he didn’t trust Leah, not yet. “Not at all.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Not even a little bit?” she said evenly, her gaze intense.

~Leah Hart, NP

In a very un-Roman-like gesture, the commander squirmed under her gaze. “Does it matter?”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Yes,” she said simply. “And since we both know the answer is yes, you did intend to, I’m curious how you thought you’d go about it.” He was a very intelligent man with a multitude of options. Method mattered a lot and she wasn’t going to let him sneak around the line of questioning.

~Leah Hart, NP

He couldn’t share that. He could lose access to what mattered most to him. “I don’t see the relevance of how,” Roman replied with a shrug. “What has that got to do with my fitness to remain on the Sentinel?”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Okay, so it was time for some hard truths with some positive next steps. “It has everything to do with moving forward, Commander. There is no remaining on Sentinel unless we continue down this journey together. This is not going to be a quick conversation where I make notes, submit a report and walk away.” She leaned forward slightly. “Do you understand what I’m saying, here? I’m not going anywhere. Others have left you to muddle your way through pain alone. I won’t. And you can push me away and deflect all you want, but you know you need my help. Not just to stay on this ship and do what you so clearly love doing, but so that you can do so without this obviously horrible weight dragging you down.”

Resolved settled into her expression but there was kindness wrapped around it. “You drafted a suicide note that you intended to leave for your fiancee to find. You have the means on the ship, and you in some way had a plan. You are suicidal, Roman Alden. It’s no longer ideation. It moved into something concrete the moment you made a plan enough to write that letter. But, and I cannot stress this enough. Your path does not end here. We are on a journey together. This is your journey and I am simply a guide. As a guide it means that sometimes I have to shine a light on the dark edges of that path that are hard to look at it. But once you have light on them, they can often transform into something less scary, less painful. We’re not going to make it all go away, but we’re going to work together to lift that weight off of you. The details of your plan matter because we need to establish the baseline of where you are starting before any steps can be taken forward.”

Hart gazed at him expectingly, waiting to see if he truly understood what she was saying, and also for him to answer her question from before.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman’s mouth felt dry, he looked incredibly uncomfortable. Like he was sweating bullets. He wouldn’t meet her gaze, her words, straightforward and resolutely truthful, stung like a vampire in sunlight. “You clearly know where I am, I fail to see the necessity of this step.” He insisted, though his voice did not carry its usual finality.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Her tone softened ever so slightly. “You and I both know that until we deal with the situation at hand, you cannot move forward. You can pretend, but you will just end up in this same position. Or maybe next time you’ll go farther towards an attempt and maybe even be successful. Would that be preferable?” Her tone was so gentle with these words, but her gaze did not waver as she observed him.

~Leah Hart, NP

Right now? Yeah, that sounded preferable. He’d been locked in these quarters by himself, away from anything that might actually help his mood, for over a day, when he already felt like that. Right now was a poor time to ask that question nor would he honestly answer it. “So what do you want me to do, then? Detail the ‘plan’? I work in a lab, Lieutenant. There are a dozen ways to do it.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded. “Yes, I would agree. I know it seems like a pointless detail, but you’re going to have to humour me. You know what came to mind when you first were drafting that letter. I’m not interested in a list of possibilities. I want to know what you were inclined to do when you first decided that ending your life was the best way forward.”

~Leah Hart, NP

He shifted uncomfortably. “I… I wanted to make it look like an accident. You know, venemous animals… Things happen.” He shrugged awkwardly. He looked like he wanted to sink into the bed and vanish. “But then I… Could I do that without saying goodbye? I… I was toying with what would be easier… For her. When I wrote it.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO