Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Temp Quarters- Assessing the Situation
Posted by… suppressed (14) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Hart quirked a brow and gazed evenly at him. “I don’t care about other people’s motives. I care about yours. I’m not going to put words in your mouth, Commander. This is not something you get to delegate to someone else,” she said gently.

Roman shrugged awkwardly, refusing to meet her gaze. In fact, he seemed really good at finding anything else to look at.

“You said you wrote the letter a day or so after we spoke. Had you thought about writing a letter before, and if so, when did that occur?”

~Leah Hart, NP

He nodded hesitantly, but offered no more information without prompt. That gaze of his found the floor and stayed there.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Leah did not believe in forcing eye contact. Not only was it easier for some people to talk about difficult things by averting their gaze, but for some people their brains actually had a hard time with it. She wasn’t out to cause him extra pain. He had enough of his own. “Tell me more. When was it and what happened right before that made it feel like the right thing to do?”

~Leah Hart, NP

There was a lengthy silence. Finally, his voice quiet and soft, “All the time. I only considered writing a letter first after Rand and I became more serious together.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Tell me about the specific thoughts that come your mind in those moments,” Leah said as softly as her gaze.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman shook his head. “I can’t.” It was all about the same thing, the thing he didn’t want to talk about, the thing that made him cry just to think about it. “I… I just can’t.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded. “Okay, we’ll come back to that another time then.” She wasn’t letting him entirely off the hook, but there were times to push and this was not one of them.

“Have you ever acted upon these thoughts in any way before this letter?”

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman shook his head and answered definitively, “No, never.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“What stopped you from acting on them then?” Hart asked.

~Leah Hart, NP

Roman shrugged again. “This is the first time it just… felt like too much. Like… nothing would help.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

As much as she wanted to delve into the feelings behind his words, he wasn’t ready for that. “What made you stop drafting the letter and leave it in the desk?” Leah was calm and radiating compassion and care. There was not a shred of judgement in her tone or expression.

~Leah Hart, NP

“Rand came in early. I had to hide it away quickly. It… It obviously wasn’t meant for her eyes. And then she was confined to our quarters, so I never found the chance to move or destroy it.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She nodded. “How do you feel about the fact that she found it?” A simple question but one that was likely very complicated to answer.

~Leah Hart, NP

“Guilty, most of all. It wasn’t meant for her, well, not then anyway. I can’t imagine how she feels now and I’m not even allowed to see her.” He answered honestly.

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“You will, I promise,” Leah said with conviction. “This”-she gestured to the room-“is temporary. As soon as we have concluded our conversation we can see about loosening some of the restrictions.” It went without saying that that was only if she wasn’t concerned about harm to others, but in her gut Leah truly didn’t believe that was an issue. But the problem was that when a person harmed themselves, others could be harmed by extension simply by their care for the person.

“If you did take your own life, what do you imagine would happen after you die to those people who are important to you? What would happen to Rand?

~Leah Hart, NP

A spike of ice filled his spine, her words hitting him like a glancing blow. He shifted in his spot and shrugged. “Rand would be fine. Not right away of course, but she’s stronger than she thinks she is. And she’s got her brother, her family.” He smiled sadly and shrugged as he studied the floor. “She’d be better off, really. Less anxiety, less to worry about.”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“You don’t think she’d feel guilty? Blame herself for not being able to do more?” She searched for his gaze. “You two have committed to sharing your lives together. Do you think she takes that intended vow so lightly? That it means so little to her?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“Of course she would,” Roman snapped, meeting hers at last with an intense icy stare. “She already feels guilty she didn’t ‘notice’ sooner.” He gave her a look and leaned back in his spot. “You and doctor Kreed both seem hell bent on making me feel worse, not better. What is the point of this?”

~ Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She could have risen to the bait, but Leah did not. “Did you intend to follow through on the letter?”

~Leah Hart, NP