Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Three More Days

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in Three More Days

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in Three More Days
Posted by… suppressed (37) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
The call took about an hour. Afterwards, the screen went blank, and Roman was left sitting in front of the computer console with a frown. Then he got up and sat on the bed with a sigh.

~ Roman

Rand put her arm around him and just sat quietly waiting for him to talk. It was hard for him, she knew that. But Hart struck her as someone who could be just as stubborn as Roman if she needed to be. She thought it went well, but she knew how antagonistic Roman could be about these things. At least he had called her back.

Rand

“I’m going to lose my job.” He didn’t even sound angry or worried, just… upset and defeated. He rested his head on her. “It’s just a matter of how long it takes now.”

~ Roman

Rand shook her head. “Lt. Hart didn’t sound like that. She wants to help. She wants you to keep your position. You just need to work with her.” He sounded so defeated. He wasn’t even going to fight for it. He was severely depressed. She would go to Lt. Kreed, but she didn’t know if that would help.

Rand

Roman would think that would make things worse. But whether it helped or not depended on what Kreed did about it. “And when she can tell from the logs she asked for that I was underplaying? She wasn’t even willing to clear me now.”

~ Roman

“But she did. And she doesn’t strike me as the kind of person who would do that because rank scares her. Be honest Roman. You have always held honesty to the highest value. Be honest. That will show her you are trying, that you are willing to do the work, even if it is hard. That will help prove her trust in you when she allowed you to stay on duty.”

Rand

Roman nodded and then sighed. “I have, haven’t I?” His voice sounded hollow and sad. “She didn’t clear me, she only refused to make a determination. That’s not the same thing.”

~ Roman

“True… but that also means she didn’t see an immediate reason to remove you. Hold on to that and keep pushing to stay. Don’t give up.”

Rand

Roman smiled a tiny bit and moved just enough so that he could see her. “You’re never going to give up on me, are you?”

~ Roman

Rand grinned and shook her head. “Never.” She kissed him slowly and deeply. “I love you. Nothing will change that.”

Rand

Roman hugged her and kissed her back. He rested his head against her with a sigh. He looked absolutely unwilling to do anything besides stay right there. “I don’t know what I’d do without you here.”

~ Roman

“I don’t plan to go anywhere.” She was more worried. That wasn’t like Roman. It wasn’t said in a romantic and loving way, but despondent. He was one of the most capable and independent people he knew. It wasn’t like him to feel lost and cling desperately. How had she missed he was this bad? She felt guilty, but she would be more observant and make sure he got help. Even if it made him mad at her.

Rand

Roman gave her a little smile, and then got up and let Pipkin out, watching the little bunny rush out of her enclosure. But it wasn’t done with his usual enthusiasm, more like an automatic task he was simply used to doing. He sat down and mindlessly watched the bunny race around the room.

~ Roman

Rand watched Pipkin with a smile. She watched Roman more. There was no joy in his look. Pipkin zoomed about and then skidded to a stop in front of him and sat up, ears flopping. Then she jumped and spun in a circle and stared up at him expectantly. She did it again and a third time.

Rand

Roman reached down and scratched her head, playing with her floppy ears. He smiled a little, but it was a sad look, more akin to just before he’d sent Mr Wyvern away. As though he were saying goodbye.

~ Roman

Rand watched with a sinking empty pit forming in her stomach, and it filled with fear.

Pipkin wasn’t happy with gentle ear scratches. She banged her back feet and shook all over and hopped around and between his feet. She wanted him to play.

Rand

Roman made a half hearted attempt to play with her, trying to make the little bunny happy but not having the energy or motivation to put a lot of effort into playing with her.

~ Roman

After a few minutes, Pipkin gave up. She hopped the small steps onto the bed and wiggled her way onto his lap. Then she set her front paws on hid arm and stretched up to twitch her more and whiskers at him. “She’s very attached to you,” Rand said reaching over to pet her once.

Rand

He nodded and gave the rabbit more pet. “She is. I could never have asked for a more perfect rabbit. A more perfect pet.” The words were nice, but his voice still carried that hollow tone.

~ Roman

Rand slid off the bed and knelt in front of him and took his hands. She looked up into his face. “Roman, talk to me. What’s going on in here.” She reached up and set one hand over his heart.

Rand

Roman looked down at her and squeezed her hand. Then he lifted his other hand and put it over hers, against his own chest, and squeezed both her hands gently. It looked like he wanted to talk, to tell her, to make her happy, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know the words to use.

~ Roman

Rand knew that look, she wore it often enough. She would often quote plays rather than her own words. That worked for her, but not for Roman. “Nothing you say or do will change my mind, and I promise I won’t take it personally or become anxious. No matter what it is.” Then she waited quietly.

Rand

“I know,” he said, voice soft and sad. “You wouldn’t… You’re too good for that.” Roman tugged gently on her, wanting her to sit up with him. “I don’t.... I don’t know.” He sighed softly and looked at her. “I’ve been… like this for a while, and then with Lieutenants Hart and Kreed, I just…” He blinked hard like he might start crying and he didn’t want to.

~ Roman

Rand rose and sat next to him. If Lts Kreed and Hart could see so easily what he wanted to hide, didn’t he realize he wasn’t okay? He wasn’t handling it? She didn’t know if she should push or not. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He hadn’t. He had told Kovan, but Kovan had no idea what to do but tell Rand. Roman didn’t know that though.

Rand

“I didn’t know how. I didn’t want you to worry.” Roman leaned against her, resting his head on her shoulder, keeping her hands in his. “I don’t know.”

~ Roman

“Ròmanach, I will always worry about you. Even over little things because I love you. You worry about me.” When she had been so depressed after her concussion and amnesia, Roman had made sure she didn’t wallow and stay alone. Roman worked, went to his meetings, exercised, he didn’t stay alone. But he did nothing but work. She squeezed his hands and got up for a moment.

She returned with his violin case. She didn’t open it. She knew there were things, precious things, he didn’t want anyone to know were there. “Play. Let the music say what your voice can’t. Play whatever comes to you. Try.”

Rand

Roman opened the case gently, carefully removing the violin. He hadn’t played in some time. He lifted the bow out of its place in the case. He gave Rand a look, then lifted the violin to his chin, taking up a perfect, straight backed posture, feet flat on the floor. He lifted the bow and began to move it carefully across the strings of the instrument.

The gentle motion gave life to a wistful, sad melody, with long, low notes. It was beautiful, with the ability to bring tears to the eyes of those who heard it. As he finished playing, the tune remained sad and slow. When he was finished, he lowered the instrument to let her know.

~ Roman

While he played, Rand reached subtly behind her to the controls and began recording. The music was beautiful, but sad and expressed what he could not. She closed her eyes as he played to stop tears from sneaking out. She felt the music all the way to her soul anyway.

When he finished, she touched his face gently. She hugged him closely for a long moment, then waited. Would he play again or go silent again?

Rand

He hugged her back, being careful of the instrument. When she pulled away and waited, he understood she wanted to see if he would play again. He considered for a moment, and then lifted the instrument once more and played another melody.

This one began slow and soft but gained in speed and volume as it went on, the notes giving it a sad feeling but the pace making it feel fast, creating a feeling of sadness but also fear and anxiousness. It ended by slowing once again to a soft, quiet, low noted end.

~ Roman

Rand listened as he played. Roman really could have been a composer if he hadn’t loved science so much. “Music is to the soul what words are to the mind,” she whispered softly as the last few notes were played. She looked subdued, but not really sad. She laid a hand over his. “That’s how I feel when I have an anxiety attack.” She didn’t say anything else or ask him if that was what he intended. It was simply to acknowledge that she understood what he couldn’t say with words.

Rand

Roman set the violin back in its case along with the bow. Then he hugged Rand tightly and rested his head on her shoulder, wordlessly. Holding her tight as if clinging to a lifeline.

~ Roman

Rand sat with him for a long time. She hugged him and tried to let him have time to let things settle. “I think you should tell Lt Hart how you are feeling. And if you can’t find the words to tell her, I think you should let her hear the music you are playing.”

Rand

“She’ll take me off duty.” Roman said, shaking his head. “She’ll think I can’t do my job.” He looked at Rand and then hugged her again, “She already thinks that.”

~ Roman

Rand shook her head, “No, she won’t. She’s asked you to be honest with her. To work with her towards healing. She said she doesn’t think mental illness is a reason for discharge. Just like a physical ailment. Only if you refuse treatment to get better would you be discharged.” She hugged him tightly. “She won’t take you off duty for doing what she’s asked you to do.” She laid her head against him, “I… I could send it to her for you if you want. I think it would be better if you did it though.”

Rand

“I’m not-” he said and then he sighed against her. “I can’t. I can’t… Tell her that.” He looked at her, “I couldn’t tell you.“

~ Roman

Rand nodded, “I know. I’m not suggesting you tell her everything about all of that. Tell her how you are feeling, or simply send her a recording of the music and let it speak for you.”

Rand

Roman was silent for long moments. At last he looked at Rand with that same defeated, tired look. “Can… Can you help me?”

~ Roman

The look on his face made her heart ache, but she knew it would make him better in the end. “Always.” She got up and pulled two chairs over to the computer and then returned. She took his hands and pulled him over to the computer with her and sat down.

Rand

He pulled the data disk from the recording machine and put it into the computer console. Then he turned on the computer and looked at Rand like You do it.

~ Roman

Rand reached over and made the connection for Lt Hart on her transport ship and waited while the Fleet symbol rotated about.

Rand

It didn’t show on her face, but that didn’t go as well as Rand had hoped. A lot was hard when someone was on the other side of the screen. [o]Thank you for your time, Lt Hart. Have a pleasant night.[c] Rand reached over and cut the comms. She smiled at Roman. “See, it wasn’t so bad. It was brief and positive.”

Yeoman Rand

“Yeah.” Roman said. He wasn’t sure what he expected. He knew these things couldn’t be solved overnight. He just.... well, he thought it would maybe help, some? And it really hadn’t. Playing had actually helped. Perhaps he should do that, then?

~ Roman

“Why don’t you play some more? I love to hear you play, and we can have this just for us? Not everything you do is about your sessions with Hart.”

Rand

Roman sighed and then nodded. “Maybe a little more,” he said, moving back to the bed and picking up the violin once more. He played for another hour or so, whatever came to him.

~ Roman

Rand stretched out in the bed, Pipkin in her lap, and just listened. She didn’t comment or say anything, just listened to the music he played. He really was wonderful, even if he insisted on being modest about it.

Rand