Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Head Case

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Head Case

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Head Case
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Roman lay down with her, pulling her into a tight hug, pressing her head to his chest. “You will, I’m sure of it. Give it time,” he said soothingly. “We were on Kelmao. You… You were angry with me, because I didn’t tell you my leg was hurting.” He still felt bad about that. It was why he wouldn’t ever lie to her. “We were talking about it afterwards, and you said, ‘You aren’t alone. You don’t have to figure out what to do or not do on your own. You can tell me, and we can figure it out.’ He stressed the ‘we’ the same way she always did, when he needed to be reminded she was going to be there for him. He hugged her tighter, “So tell me, and we’ll figure it out. Together.”

~ Roman

She was pressed tightly into his chest, his arms warm, and his words soothing. Together She knew he meant it, but it felt so impossible to get the words out. She tried but it seemed to take forever to get her voice to work. The words were garbled by tears making the Gaelic muddled.

“When…when I was able to start reading without a headache, I started reading some of my scripts. But…I…I can’t remember them, Roman. I know I acted in them, but…I have no memory of it. I can’t remember the lines, the rehearsals, the performances. I know I was in the hospital, that it was my heart, but I can’t remember how it happened.” She pressed herself closer for a long moment. “I tried to watch the recordings, but I still can’t remember.”

Rand

Roman kept hugging her for a long time. “The memories will come back. You need to give it time. Reading the scripts might help. That’s what Randy’s been saying.” He loosened his hug just enough that he could look down at her, “And even if they don’t, I’ll still be here. I’m sure they will though, in time. It was a really severe concussion.” He wished there were more he could do or say, but there wasn’t, so he just pulled her tightly to himself again. “It’ll get better, I promise.”

~ Roman

She couldn’t. Rand couldn’t read the scripts. The more she read the more obvious it was she didn’t remember, it made her head pound and her heart race and stutter and work to hard. Her hears roared and her mouth tasted metallic, and she couldn’t breathe. Roman didn’t understand. She couldn’t fulfill her duties without them. She couldn’t manage society without them. With out Trinity she couldn’t speak up in a conference with relevant insight and authority to be listened to and being unique or be coordinated, without Elizabeth she’d never remain serene in a crowd and speak with confidence, without Merida she would never be comfortable in her own skin or be able to express her insatiable curiosity, without Marion she wouldn’t understand fierce loyalty in the face of doubt. Rand didn’t believe she actually became those people, but without their personas to model she was just Miranda. Miranda Farquharson was shy beyond acceptability, had a stutter, was clumsy, and couldn’t speak above a whisper if she spoke at all.

She was too ashamed to admit all that to Roman. In fact, she shouldn’t be there at all. She shouldn’t be in his quarters, she shouldn’t be wearing her grandmother’s ring, she shouldn’t be getting married. If Roman hadn’t told her she had to tell him, she never would have, trapped in a cycle of wondering what she was supposed to do but unable to figure it out.

Her head felt hot and cold and her head seemed to throb, expand and contract in a dizzying fashion, and she couldn’t breathe. She thought she might faint if her heart didn’t explode out of her chest.

Rand

Roman just lay quietly and kept hugging her. There was little else he could do just then but he was going to do anything he could. If he knew what she was thinking, that she shouldn’t be there because she wouldn’t have said if he hadn’t told her to, he would remind her that without her he’d be drowning in nightmares, struggling to keep up with his duty, and would probably have lost his leg to the incident after Kelmao. And that might have been the end of his career. That Merida or Elizabeth might help her with duty or to deal with crowds or their wedding, but he was in love with her, And he would be no matter what she could or could not do.

~ Roman

The next morning Rand went with Roman to breakfast and stayed to help Gorshin until lunch. As the week went by, she was getting stronger, or her head was. She never stayed past lunch, but now Rand worked up until. Gorshin pumped her full of water. Gorshin also made her take breaks, but Rand didn’t tire or get so dizzy as she did at first. But by the time she ate lunch with Roman (or Randy when he couldn’t) she was tired and would go back to their quarters to rest. Her days continued in that pattern except for when someone had a whole day off to spend with her.

Roman’s recovery was going well, too. His heart was continuing to recover, they were even able to lower his dose of meds. It helped that he spent most of his time with Rand instead of overworking himself.

The first day after her confession to Roman she thought he would stop asking, but he didn’t. Roman and Randy continued to ask her. She became so frustrated that she actually snapped and yelled at Randy to leave her alone. Rand refused to admit to her brother what she had confessed to Roman. She left his quarters in a rush, and for some reason she had turned the wrong way. She got twisted around and confused. Randy had followed and had to show her the way.

She had slept, it was the only way to escape the confusion. When she woke she took every script she could find and hid them. She couldn’t bring herself to destroy them or throw them out, but she didn’t want to see them, think about them or know they were near. They even tried to get her to watch movies she loved, but they were too hard to watch. Though she didn’t refuse to watch, but often requesting movies she and Roman had discovered they enjoyed together.

A week after, Scott was spending the day with Rand and Randy took the opportunity to slip into the lab an extra time. He walked over to Alden’s desk and sat on Rand’s stool. No one did that, but Randy did. “Can we talk? About Rand?”

Rand | Randy

Roman had tried to find the scripts after Rand stashed them, but he couldn’t. She was good at hiding things. Roman tried to talk her into movies she liked but instead they ended up watching The DaVinci Code, or The Librarian, or another movie they’d watched together. That day, Roman was in the lab, glaring at his paperwork and grumbling something. Then Randy sat on Rand’s stool and Roman glanced up with a petrifying glare. His gaze only softened slightly when he mentioned Rand. “In my office, not here.” He said, standing from his seat.

Once in his CSO office, he sat at his desk and gestured to Randy to sit in a chair that didn’t belong to Rand. “What about her? I can’t get her to read a script. She hid them.”

~ Roman

Randy sat in his usual chair, across from Roman. He didn’t even realize he had sat on Rand’s stool. Rand’s chair in the office was right beside Alden’s so no chance Randy would sit there. “Yesterday, I tried to get her to read a little. Familiar things and activities are good for the brain. They activate memories and connections. She refused, again, and when I asked her why, she flew off the handle yelling at me. I thought she might hit me.” Randy had done things to deserve his sister smacking him, but he didn’t think this was one of those that deserved such an action. “She ran out of my quarters…she was so upset she got turned around and confused. She couldn’t find your quarters.” Which was baaaad because Alden was only one door down. “Has she said anything to you about why? I’m really concerned at how hard she is fighting about something that is so familiar to her, or should be.”

Randy

Roman sighed, he knew exactly what the problem was, but he hadn’t known she didn’t tell Randy. “She can’t remember the performances. Any of them. It’s scaring her and it’s why she won’t look at the scripts. Because they remind her of what she can’t remember.” He looked up at Randy almost helplessly. “She feels useless, like she should just resign. And nothing I say or do makes it better.”

~ Roman