Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Head Case

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Head Case

(snip)

Roman lay down with her, pulling her into a tight hug, pressing her head to his chest. “You will, I’m sure of it. Give it time,” he said soothingly. “We were on Kelmao. You… You were angry with me, because I didn’t tell you my leg was hurting.” He still felt bad about that. It was why he wouldn’t ever lie to her. “We were talking about it afterwards, and you said, ‘You aren’t alone. You don’t have to figure out what to do or not do on your own. You can tell me, and we can figure it out.’ He stressed the ‘we’ the same way she always did, when he needed to be reminded she was going to be there for him. He hugged her tighter, “So tell me, and we’ll figure it out. Together.”

~ Roman

She was pressed tightly into his chest, his arms warm, and his words soothing. Together She knew he meant it, but it felt so impossible to get the words out. She tried but it seemed to take forever to get her voice to work. The words were garbled by tears making the Gaelic muddled.

“When…when I was able to start reading without a headache, I started reading some of my scripts. But…I…I can’t remember them, Roman. I know I acted in them, but…I have no memory of it. I can’t remember the lines, the rehearsals, the performances. I know I was in the hospital, that it was my heart, but I can’t remember how it happened.” She pressed herself closer for a long moment. “I tried to watch the recordings, but I still can’t remember.”

Rand

Roman kept hugging her for a long time. “The memories will come back. You need to give it time. Reading the scripts might help. That’s what Randy’s been saying.” He loosened his hug just enough that he could look down at her, “And even if they don’t, I’ll still be here. I’m sure they will though, in time. It was a really severe concussion.” He wished there were more he could do or say, but there wasn’t, so he just pulled her tightly to himself again. “It’ll get better, I promise.”

~ Roman

She couldn’t. Rand couldn’t read the scripts. The more she read the more obvious it was she didn’t remember, it made her head pound and her heart race and stutter and work to hard. Her hears roared and her mouth tasted metallic, and she couldn’t breathe. Roman didn’t understand. She couldn’t fulfill her duties without them. She couldn’t manage society without them. With out Trinity she couldn’t speak up in a conference with relevant insight and authority to be listened to and being unique or be coordinated, without Elizabeth she’d never remain serene in a crowd and speak with confidence, without Merida she would never be comfortable in her own skin or be able to express her insatiable curiosity, without Marion she wouldn’t understand fierce loyalty in the face of doubt. Rand didn’t believe she actually became those people, but without their personas to model she was just Miranda. Miranda Farquharson was shy beyond acceptability, had a stutter, was clumsy, and couldn’t speak above a whisper if she spoke at all.

She was too ashamed to admit all that to Roman. In fact, she shouldn’t be there at all. She shouldn’t be in his quarters, she shouldn’t be wearing her grandmother’s ring, she shouldn’t be getting married. If Roman hadn’t told her she had to tell him, she never would have, trapped in a cycle of wondering what she was supposed to do but unable to figure it out.

Her head felt hot and cold and her head seemed to throb, expand and contract in a dizzying fashion, and she couldn’t breathe. She thought she might faint if her heart didn’t explode out of her chest.

Rand

Roman just lay quietly and kept hugging her. There was little else he could do just then but he was going to do anything he could. If he knew what she was thinking, that she shouldn’t be there because she wouldn’t have said if he hadn’t told her to, he would remind her that without her he’d be drowning in nightmares, struggling to keep up with his duty, and would probably have lost his leg to the incident after Kelmao. And that might have been the end of his career. That Merida or Elizabeth might help her with duty or to deal with crowds or their wedding, but he was in love with her, And he would be no matter what she could or could not do.

~ Roman