Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Side sim: Matters of the Heart

(snip)

Rand held his hand against her own heart and Roman could feel that it was racing. It made him feel bad. He was scaring her, stressing her out. But when she turned his gaze to her she’d see how afraid he looked. Even now he was trying to cover it with stubbornness but it was there, in his eyes. He tried to take a deep breath for her but it caught in his throat and he coughed lightly again. He was going to pull her into a hug but then his stomach hurt, bad, he was so scared and upset and straining his body so much that the next thing he did was lean away from her and throw up over the side of the bed. There wasn’t much substance to it. There hadn’t been much on his stomach when it happened and it had been two days since then. He took a short shaky breath, looked at her and shook his head. “I can’t…” he took another breath, “I’m trying, but I can’t.”

~ Roman

Rand nodded, she knew. She knew that struggle and the fear. Her racing heart wasn’t just Roman and his stubbornness, but the fact someone had gotten really close to killing him. He had to get better, so he could be safe. She changed her breathing to match his, a starting point. Randy used to do that with her. When his breath was laboured and shallow but steady Rand, with Randy’s subtle help, she got Roman to lay back (reclined not flat), it would take the pressure off his chest. Any time his gaze wandered she would rub her thumb slowly across his cheek to bring his gaze back. She sat on the edge of his bed, facing him, slowly adjusting her breathing as he matched hers. It would take awhile she was sure. Rand spoke slowly, softly, intimately between them. She used Gaelic, now, because he would have to focus to understand what she was saying. “Tha mi a ‘toirt mo chridhe dhut Aig eirigh na gealaich Agus suidheachadh nan reultan. Gu gràdh agus gu urram Tro na h-uile a dh’fhaodas tighinn. Tro ar beatha gu lèir còmhla Nar beatha uile, Gum bi sinn air ar n-ath-bhreith Gus an coinnich sinn agus gum bi fios againn Agus gaol a-rithist, Agus cuimhnich (I take you my heart,At the rising of the moon, And the setting of the stars. To love and to honor, Through all that may come. Through all our lives together, In all our lives, May we be reborn, That we may meet and know, And love again, And remember)

Rand

It took a while, but Roman’s breathing started to get steadier, matching hers. “The lab. I need to be in the lab. There’s the animals…” He blubbered on, but eventually stopped, quieting. He ended up wiping his mouth on the medical gown he was wearing. Certainly not ideal but he didn’t have anything else.

When his breathing was still too fast, laboured and rapid, but steadier like hers, she started to lay him back with Randy. At first he resisted but as he started to relax he let himself be guided back. It helped the horrible pressure in his chest, which in turn lessened the pain. His chest still hurt, he was still nauseous, and his heart rate was still way too high, but it was a start.

She wouldn’t let his focus wander. If he looked elsewhere, as the panicked feeling started to come back, he’d feel her thumb, gently against his face, redirecting him back to her, speaking words he had to be paying attention to understand. He could tell what Elbbirt meant about the skin of his palms still being new and raw, as he set one against Rand’s arm and squeezed and left the other resting against her chest. The burns were healed enough it didn’t hurt, but it tingled uncomfortably and just felt weird.

When he squeezed her arm, she smiled at him and nodded a little. She was there with him, and she wasn’t going anywhere. He was coming down, but not as fast as she wished. He must have been doing okay though because Elbbirt nor Randy had snuck a dose of sedatives into him. She kept breathing with him.

It did take a while, a long while, but slowly his breathing followed hers as she kept adjusting the rate downwards and his heart rate came down some. It was still too high, strained for long enough to make it struggle again, but it was a lot better than before. Now that he was laying back, taking weight and pressure off his chest, the soreness of his healing incision and bones went down, back to a level of soreness but not pain, or if he moved too much it would hurt, the pain meds still in effect (they’d given him a dose of his medications before waking him, to avoid having that fight right away). He spoke in English accented Gaelic himself, it took effort, but that helped keep his focus where it was supposed to be, where it needed to be, “Tha mi gaol dhut cho mòr, Miranda.” (I love you so much, Miranda).

~ Roman

“Tha mi gaol dhut cho mòr, Ròmanach.” She leaned in as he laid back keeping the space between them small. Also not allowing whatever Ellbirt and Randy were doing to distract him. She continued in Gaelic because it seemed to help, but also it protected his privacy a little. Except from Randy, but Randy already knew. “I almost lost you, Ròmanach. I know you’re scared but I need you to do what they tell you. I want to grow old with you. I promise I won’t leave while you’re in here.” It had helped when he was in for his leg, so maybe it would help now if she was careful. Then she kissed him, gently and carefully. Rand was terrified and trying not to show it.

Rand