Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Side sim: Matters of the Heart

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in Side sim: Matters of the Heart

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Side sim: Matters of the Heart
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Near the end of the day while Rand was there, the doctor came in and took multiple scans of Roman’s chest and heart. There had been no more major incidents since the one in the early morning, and it was time to see how things were doing. Once the scans were taken, he left for a little while to look at them, and then came back and spoke to Rand, “His heart is looking better. It’s far from healed, but it seems to be reliably keeping his blood pumping adequately and his blood pressure in a good range. He’ll need more sessions on the bone fuser for his ribs, and…” he looked at Roman’s medical records and chart, “two more sessions for the burns on his hands, assuming they keep healing as well as they have been.” He thought a moment and then nodded to himself and went on, “I think it would be safe to start waking him tomorrow morning. Or if you’d rather wait, we can wait another day or two, to be extra cautious. But the decision is yours.”

~ Roman | NE Doctor

Rand nodded numbly. She didn’t know what to decide. Certainly she couldn’t decide until she talked to Randy. He might be a nurse and not a doctor but he could explain the options to her. And knew Roman better than the doctors anyway. “What about the Chloromide for his heart?”

Grat shook his head, “We’ll keep him on that until after he’s awake and stable, for the extra support.” Rand watched as Temple set up the Burn kit for Roman’s hands. So one more after that. That would be done before they let him wake up, but his ribs would take longer. He wasn’t going to like having the sessions he was really not going to like having the Chloromide. “Is he still on the Terakine?” He really would not like the pain meds.

Grat nodded, “Oh yes. Even with today’s advanced medicine heart surgery is no walk in the park. He’ll stay on it until we know the pain won’t make his heart strain.” Rand nodded, it was why they had kept her on a mild sedative for so long.

She talked to Randy and he told her that keeping a patient sedated for too long was bad. If it was too much for his heart they would do it, like they did for her, but completely under was bad. At the same time Randy knew Roman’s mental state when it came to sickbay. And he wouldn’t be allowed to leave. He would have to stay. They couldn’t monitor him in his quarters for this.

Rand had a lot to think about on her rounds. The distraction and focus she needed to run her reports was welcome, but Redshirt Ward’s presence was a sickly reminder of it all. After her meeting she returned to their quarters for a little while. Ward went in with her, checking the whole area before leaving her to her privacy. Poor Pipkin had been left alone and in her cage. Rand loved on her for a little bit, muttering and weighing options to the small bunny who did not understand.

Temple had brought dinner for her in sickbay and it was waiting when Rand returned. She talked to Randy at length over and over again about what she should do. It finally ended when she had a full blown panic attack. Randy made her sit on the floor, knees drawn up, head between her knees and breath, until the dizziness and nausea passed.

That was not at all what Roman wanted when he made her his medical contact. And when or if he found out it had caused her a panic attack, he would feel awful.

She sat by his bed and talked to him long after Randy had dozed off. “I don’t know what to do, Roman. I don’t know if you’d rather sleep through it or be awake through it. What if it’s too soon? What if staying asleep causes complications? What if I make the wrong choice either way and something horrible happens to you?” Rand would not be the first person to battle with such a choice, nor the first to talk to the patient in question when they couldn’t answer. She certainly wouldn’t be the last. “I just want you to wake up and be okay.”

Roman had freaked out over how long he’d been out after surgery on his leg - and that had not been as long. He’d been out a half day, a day most then. This time, by the next morning he’d have been out two and a half days. Of course, he had also freaked out over the pain meds, Sickbay, and any other treatments Elbbirt had wanted for his leg. Either way, he was probably going to freak out a little.

She badgered Grat all evening and Elbbirt all night with endless questions and what ifs. In the morning Elbbirt started weaning him off the sedatives and letting him wake up. But not until Rand was back from her rounds.

Rand

It took time for the sedatives to wear off enough for him to start waking up. Randy was under strict orders to call Elbbirt once Roman started waking so the doctor could be on standby in case anything started to go wrong. He’d started weaning the sedatives just a little before Rand got back, just so Roman would wake up sooner after she got back to him. But she still had to wait a couple hours.

The first sign he was coming out of it was a slight increase to his heart rate. Then he started to stir.

Roman wasn’t sure what was going on or where he was. He could hear Rand’s voice in his ear - soothing, but worried and stressed. Did something happen? Roman tried to remember. The last he recalled was being in the biology lab… He didn’t remember going to bed. So why was he sleeping? He was tired enough he couldn’t quite make out what Rand was saying. Just that she was talking. There was other background noise, too. Were they not in their quarters? Why would he be sleeping somewhere other than there? He wasn’t a drinker, he’d been eating better lately, so there wasn’t a reason he’d have passed out.

Finally he popped his eyes open and he realized what all that background noise had been - the beeping of a biobed, the typical sounds of Sickbay. Why the hell was he in Sickbay? What was wrong with him? Had something happened to him? Now more desperately he tried to remember. But all he recalled was doing his normal work. Suddenly he wasn’t hearing Rand anymore though she still spoke to him. Cold panic squeezed his chest, making it feel tight and difficult to breathe. His heart rate started to climb. In a way, this was far scarier than three years ago, or than when he woke up from his leg, because those times, he could at least recall why he was there.

Rand was rubbing his forearm while she talked to him. When his breath and heart started racing she started squeezing his arm in rhythm with her breath, calm and even, even while she continued to talk to him.

This time he had no idea. His chest felt sore - not badly but definitely sore. Each breath caused a bit of soreness. Was he hurt? What would have hurt him? The panic in his chest worsened. He felt like he was lifting elephants breathing because of the tightness. He was starting to feel lightheaded. He had to get out of here. Whatever was wrong he could rest in his quarters. So he tried to sit up so he could get out of bed… And he quickly grunted in pain and dropped back to the mattress, lifting a hand to his chest. The soreness was familiar - something was wrong with his ribs. Broken or bruised he wasn’t sure but yes, he’d been hurt somehow, definitely. He remembered how it felt from three years ago, though that time, it had been the other side of his chest. There was other pain in his chest too, but Roman assumed it had to do with the ribs. It wasn’t too bad anyway, thanks to the pain medication Roman did not know about yet.

Randy put his hands on either side of Roman’s other shoulder and eased him back onto the bed. “Easy Alden. You’ll hurt yourself.” Randy, like Elbbirt was watching the monitors as well as Alden.

He looked up when Randy eased him back down, his looked puzzled and stressed. Hurt himself? Why? Was he that hurt? Like three years ago. The doctors had insisted he lay still, that he was hurt, that he needed to rest. But he hadn’t, couldn’t, because of his panic. Randy’s gaze flicked between Roman and the monitor over Roman’s head. They were worried about his vitals? His breath caught and he gave a weak cough. His heart rate was too high, because of his panic, straining his heart. His breaths were rapid as he looked between the three of them, watching their faces.

And that was when he realized his hands were bandaged. Not the heavy bandages they’d been in just after it had happened, but lightly bandaged to protect new and still healing skin. And when he brushed his fingers against his chest, he felt bandaging there, too. Not too surprising, after realizing his ribs were hurt somehow. Still struggling to breathe against panic he wasn’t accustomed to feeling (was this how Rand felt?) he looked around, lifting his head without moving his body so much. He was in a room by himself - at least, there were no other patients. Rand was sitting by his bed, looking tired and worried. And Randy was there as well. Then there was Elbbirt. At least it was a doctor he was familiar with. Finally he took a half-breath to avoid causing more soreness in his ribs and said, in a somewhat husky voice, “Miranda…? What happened?”

~ Roman

It was exactly how Rand felt, all the time, but it was even worse now. When he opened his eyes she paused talking long enough for her breath to rush from her lungs. Her forehead rested against the curve of his shoulder, her breath, relief and fear, rushing in and out along with tears. At the sound of her name, she sniffed, lifted her head and moved so he could see her more easily. “I’m right here.” Rand looked at Randy then at Elbbirt and back to Roman. She didn’t know what to tell him, or how much. “You,” she was crying, she took a shuddering breath and licked her lips. “You were electrocuted. It…it damaged your heart....” It hurt to speak, just to breathe. The brief release at him waking was drowned in trying to explain how close she came to loosing him.

Why was she crying so much? Rand could barely get her words out. He reached for her hand. Then she took a breath, a shaky, shuddering breath, and said what she was trying to say, and the colour drained from his face. That was not helpful for getting him to calm down. “I… what?! My heart…?” No, no, no way, this wasn’t happening. He wanted no part to this. He felt sick to his stomach.

Elbbirt cleared his throat softly. “You were using a machine in the lab and it malfunctioned. It sent an extreme current through you. From one hand across your chest and heart and out the other hand. Hence the bandages. They are healing, the damage and burns fixed, but the skin is still new and raw. We had to go in and fix your heart. There was a lot of damage to nerves and muscle, and your heart. Dr. Grat operated and as long as your heart keeps its own rhythm you’ll be fine.”

Rand

Wait, wait, wait!! The words were meant to be said out loud but he couldn’t catch his breath, so instead he thought them, shouted them in his mind. It was healing? The burns on his hands already fixed? How long had he been here? Roman looked at his bandaged hands like they were from the next galaxy over. A different universe, maybe. But still Elbbirt had more shocking news. We had to go in… Doctor Grat operated… There was a lot of damage… Oh, God. Heart surgery?! No wonder Rand looked so scared. That was why his chest was sore and bandaged, he’d had surgery on it! How bad was the damage? How recently? And that brought him back around to how long he’d been out.

But it was all too much to process, he was panicked, his heart pounding in his chest (and that, unsurprisingly now that he knew about the surgery, didn’t feel very good on its own), and all he wanted was away. And out of Sickbay. It felt too much like three years ago, his leg injured and Jay… And a few days later, after Jay… well… all he wanted to do was get away. And that was how he felt now. He pushed his elbow into the bed, pushing himself up and moved to swing his legs over. “I want to go. I don’t want to be here. I need out of here. I have… things to do. Pipkin. She probably needs her cage cleaned. Fed.” Paperworks galore he was sure. But even paperwork was better than Sickbay. Anything to get him out of here.

Randy didn’t restrain him, he didn’t want him to panic more. Instead he put a hand along Alden’s upper back supporting him and in position to catch him if he fell. Elbbirt was watching the monitors and shaking his head. They were going to have to sedate Alden. His heart couldn’t take it.

Roman leaned back against Randy’s hand for a moment. Sitting up, even with pain meds on board, hurt. Surgery incisions did tend to do that. Damaged ribs hurt too. And then there was his heart, protesting the strain he was putting it under. He leaned forward as if he intended to get up. But then Rand was in his way.

His nausea was getting worse. His chest was starting to hurt. There was a horrible pressure in his chest. And it felt like it was getting harder to breathe. His panic was straining his heart and his heart wasn’t handling it well. He needed to calm down and lay down. But he looked like he had no intention of doing either of those things.

~ Roman

Rand got right in his space. She lifted one of his lightly bandaged hands to her chest, over her heart, holding it there. Her other she used to gently turn his gaze toward her. “Roman, stop. You have to stop.” She had made the wrong choice. She shouldn’t have let them wake him up. She was wrong and now something even more horrible was going to happen and it was her fault. She couldn’t breathe normally herself, her own heart raced and pounded and hurt. The monitors were going crazy. “You have to breathe with me, please.” She didn’t want to cry or sound pleading, but she did anyway. “I know, I do, I really do, but you have to breathe with me. You have to, it’s the only thing that matters right now.” They would sedate him if he didn’t. She knew, they’d done it to her. She wasn’t going to tell him that though, he’d freak out more.

Rand

Rand held his hand against her own heart and Roman could feel that it was racing. It made him feel bad. He was scaring her, stressing her out. But when she turned his gaze to her she’d see how afraid he looked. Even now he was trying to cover it with stubbornness but it was there, in his eyes. He tried to take a deep breath for her but it caught in his throat and he coughed lightly again. He was going to pull her into a hug but then his stomach hurt, bad, he was so scared and upset and straining his body so much that the next thing he did was lean away from her and throw up over the side of the bed. There wasn’t much substance to it. There hadn’t been much on his stomach when it happened and it had been two days since then. He took a short shaky breath, looked at her and shook his head. “I can’t…” he took another breath, “I’m trying, but I can’t.”

~ Roman

Rand nodded, she knew. She knew that struggle and the fear. Her racing heart wasn’t just Roman and his stubbornness, but the fact someone had gotten really close to killing him. He had to get better, so he could be safe. She changed her breathing to match his, a starting point. Randy used to do that with her. When his breath was laboured and shallow but steady Rand, with Randy’s subtle help, she got Roman to lay back (reclined not flat), it would take the pressure off his chest. Any time his gaze wandered she would rub her thumb slowly across his cheek to bring his gaze back. She sat on the edge of his bed, facing him, slowly adjusting her breathing as he matched hers. It would take awhile she was sure. Rand spoke slowly, softly, intimately between them. She used Gaelic, now, because he would have to focus to understand what she was saying. “Tha mi a ‘toirt mo chridhe dhut Aig eirigh na gealaich Agus suidheachadh nan reultan. Gu gràdh agus gu urram Tro na h-uile a dh’fhaodas tighinn. Tro ar beatha gu lèir còmhla Nar beatha uile, Gum bi sinn air ar n-ath-bhreith Gus an coinnich sinn agus gum bi fios againn Agus gaol a-rithist, Agus cuimhnich (I take you my heart,At the rising of the moon, And the setting of the stars. To love and to honor, Through all that may come. Through all our lives together, In all our lives, May we be reborn, That we may meet and know, And love again, And remember)

Rand