Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Lost in Thought

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Lost in Thought

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Lost in Thought
Posted by… suppressed (6) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Roman hugged her tight, not letting go even when she pushed him. “You tell him just like you told me. Just like I told him about my nightmares.” It had taken him nearly three sessions to say anything meaningful to Randy, but she didn’t need to know that. “And he’ll tell you the same thing. It wasn’t your responsibility to tell someone.”

~ Roman

Rand didn’t want to be absolved, she didn’t want to be told she was just a child. She’d known, but she had wanted to make him happy. So she had done what he asked. She missed him so much. 17 years later and she still missed him so much it ached. How could she tell Roman it got better? That the grief eased when she knew it didn’t. Maybe it would be different for him because he wasn’t any part of the cause of Jay’s death? She couldn’t tell Randy; he’d forgive her, and she didn’t deserve that. 17 years of grief pinned under overwhelming guilt released, and she sobbed until she gave herself a headache and then longer.

Rand

Roman would’ve walked her to bed but he’d have fallen trying so instead he hugged her until she was done crying. Roman had never talked to Rand about the death of Jay in detail, so she wouldn’t know, but he suffered with survivor’s guilt, wondering why it hadn’t been him or why it had to be only one of them. He wasn’t the cause of it, but he’d have done anything to prevent it if he could have. When she started to calm down, he took a water bottle off the table and a towel from within reach, wet it, and set against the back of her neck, the same way she always did for him.

~ Roman

The cloth was cold and incredibly soothing on her over heated skin, pulling the pounding from the heat from her head, if not the throb from the sobbing. Her body went soft as the physical tension had no choice but to relax. She turned her face out of his chest, though she was still leaning against him, taking in deep gulps of the cooler air. The coolness of the wet cloth seeping into her. Finally, she paid attention to everything around her. “Why are you on the floor? You should not be on the floor. You can’t be on the floor. You have to get up.” Her voice was really soft and slow, no rushing or panic to it, just concern. Not that she was helping him get up since she was settled in his arms and not moving. “Ellbirt is going to be mad if I kept you from eating.”

Rand

Roman was perfectly content to stay there, hugging her. He felt her relax against him and he hugged her a little tighter. He was going to need help up anyway. He shrugged at her words. “I feel like I’ll be sick if I try to force myself to eat another bite.” Then he realized that might worry her, so he added, “Not because I’m nauseous, just not hungry. And besides, Elbbirt will be just as mad if you don’t eat.”

~ Roman

He was right. She needed to eat, and then maybe…she didn’t know, her head was pounding and she just wanted to lay in bed and let Roman hold her. He was warm and the cloth was quickly chilling her. The contrast of the two was making her sleepy. “I’ll try to eat more. But you need water still. Oh, your ice.” He’d dropped it because of her. He was going to need help. “Here, if I move you can use my chair.” Rand didn’t want to, but she pulled away and stood so he could use her chair to stand.

Roman nodded, “I can get water a little later.” Then Rand pulled away and stood so he could use her chair to stand up. He put his hands on the chair’s seat and pushed up, keep his hand on the seat of the chair to keep himself steady. Before he’d tried to stand all the way, Rand had moved his chair close enough he could just slip into it and sit down.

She moved his chair closer so he could push up and then sit. Once he was back in his seat, Rand moved her own chair as close as she could to him. Her face was blotchy and her eyes red and puffy, but she ate, slowly, small nibbles. Occasionally stopping and leaning for long moments against him. Roman might have even thought she was asleep once.

Rand

Rand pushed their chairs together so she could lean on him and Roman put his arm around her. It took the dizziness a while to go away and Roman got the feeling he was pushing himself too hard. All the up and down and all the focusing on what to say and how. But he wasn’t going to complain to Rand about it. Rand was eating, but slowly, taking long breaks to just lean on him. Roman waited patiently for her to finish, his arm around her, keeping her close.

~ Roman

Rand ate even after she wasn’t hungry anymore because at that point she hadn’t eaten much. Randy had gone to a lot of effort and she didn’t want Roman or Randy to worry. Still she only managed to eat less than half of it. Many of the foods were fried, and though decadent, were too heavy for her stomach. Weeks of only light fare and now her stomach uneasy from being so upset, and the fried foods only made it worse. She finished the bottle of water, anything more just seemed like too much effort. She was leaning against him again head on his shoulder, “I’m…done. I can’t eat anymore.” Roman’s arm around her was soothing. She just wanted to stay there or go to work. But Elbbirt wasn’t going to let her do that. She was dreading seeing Randy. She didn’t know what to say to him and she hated that feeling.

Rand

Roman reached for his PaDD off his desk and grabbed it. “Let’s go sit down and maybe we can watch a movie?” There were still a few hours left before Elbbirt and Randy were due to show up and he really didn’t know what else to do. Everything going on had been an effective distraction to his own problems, he wasn’t thinking at all about the videos anymore. It would come back, surely, but for now besides the issues with his head he seemed more like his usual self.

~ Roman

Rand didn’t nod or say anything. She stood up taking the PaDD from him so he wouldn’t have to carry it and placed it on the bed with the ice pack. Then she grabbed water bottles. Not because she was being stubborn about what Roman drank, but because she simply didn’t feel like putting the effort into tea. She noticed Randy had brought more juice though. She could get that too, since Roman didn’t eat much, but should she save it incase either of them didn’t want to eat at all later. She stood there, in her robe, looking generally lost and uncertain before walking back over to him. She didn’t think he needed help, he’d gotten off the floor on his own okay, she just wanted to be near him.

Rand

Roman took her help anyway, reaching for her hand and then using her to keep himself stable as got up. He realized as he looked up at her to take her hand that she was only wearing a bathrobe and it caused him to turn a little red. She never, ever wore anything like that. But he didn’t say anything as they made their way to the bed and he sat down. He settled himself onto the bed, setting the ice pack on his pillow and then laying his head onto the ice pack.

Rand held his hand as he got up and noticed Roman’s face flush red. She was concerned he’d over done it, thinking his face was turning red from exertion until she noticed where and how he was looking at her. She looked down at herself and felt suddenly hot and flushed. When she’d finished her shower she had put the robe on and she hadn’t really thought about it. Now she didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t sure she had the energy to really do anything about it either. She should, but didn’t want to draw more attention to herself either. In the end after he sat down she slipped beneath the blanket before settling next to him, her face still really red.

Then he grabbed the PaDD, opened it, and stared at the log in screen for a few minutes. What was his password? He never forgot passwords! He didn’t want make Engineering reset it. But the more he tried to think about it the foggier his brain felt. He finally tried something, and the PaDD returned an incorrect password error. His look turned more uneased and stressed as he tried another incorrect one. He stared at the screen desperately trying to think of what it could be.

~ Roman

Rand lifted her head and then sat up slightly as his look became stressed. She glanced at the PaDD. “It’s probably the concussion. Don’t push. You’re doing better than yesterday.” Yesterday he’d had to think several minutes to find the answers, and his speech had been slow and slightly slurred as well. He also couldn’t get up. She reached over and carefully typed the code in. Normally, Rand would never input his password for him. She’d been required, for work, to access his console, but he’d always been aware of it and given her permission. “What do you want to watch?”

Rand