Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Lost in Thought

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Lost in Thought

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Lost in Thought
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Roman hugged her tight, not letting go even when she pushed him. “You tell him just like you told me. Just like I told him about my nightmares.” It had taken him nearly three sessions to say anything meaningful to Randy, but she didn’t need to know that. “And he’ll tell you the same thing. It wasn’t your responsibility to tell someone.”

~ Roman

Rand didn’t want to be absolved, she didn’t want to be told she was just a child. She’d known, but she had wanted to make him happy. So she had done what he asked. She missed him so much. 17 years later and she still missed him so much it ached. How could she tell Roman it got better? That the grief eased when she knew it didn’t. Maybe it would be different for him because he wasn’t any part of the cause of Jay’s death? She couldn’t tell Randy; he’d forgive her, and she didn’t deserve that. 17 years of grief pinned under overwhelming guilt released, and she sobbed until she gave herself a headache and then longer.

Rand

Roman would’ve walked her to bed but he’d have fallen trying so instead he hugged her until she was done crying. Roman had never talked to Rand about the death of Jay in detail, so she wouldn’t know, but he suffered with survivor’s guilt, wondering why it hadn’t been him or why it had to be only one of them. He wasn’t the cause of it, but he’d have done anything to prevent it if he could have. When she started to calm down, he took a water bottle off the table and a towel from within reach, wet it, and set against the back of her neck, the same way she always did for him.

~ Roman

The cloth was cold and incredibly soothing on her over heated skin, pulling the pounding from the heat from her head, if not the throb from the sobbing. Her body went soft as the physical tension had no choice but to relax. She turned her face out of his chest, though she was still leaning against him, taking in deep gulps of the cooler air. The coolness of the wet cloth seeping into her. Finally, she paid attention to everything around her. “Why are you on the floor? You should not be on the floor. You can’t be on the floor. You have to get up.” Her voice was really soft and slow, no rushing or panic to it, just concern. Not that she was helping him get up since she was settled in his arms and not moving. “Ellbirt is going to be mad if I kept you from eating.”

Rand

Roman was perfectly content to stay there, hugging her. He felt her relax against him and he hugged her a little tighter. He was going to need help up anyway. He shrugged at her words. “I feel like I’ll be sick if I try to force myself to eat another bite.” Then he realized that might worry her, so he added, “Not because I’m nauseous, just not hungry. And besides, Elbbirt will be just as mad if you don’t eat.”

~ Roman

He was right. She needed to eat, and then maybe…she didn’t know, her head was pounding and she just wanted to lay in bed and let Roman hold her. He was warm and the cloth was quickly chilling her. The contrast of the two was making her sleepy. “I’ll try to eat more. But you need water still. Oh, your ice.” He’d dropped it because of her. He was going to need help. “Here, if I move you can use my chair.” Rand didn’t want to, but she pulled away and stood so he could use her chair to stand.

Roman nodded, “I can get water a little later.” Then Rand pulled away and stood so he could use her chair to stand up. He put his hands on the chair’s seat and pushed up, keep his hand on the seat of the chair to keep himself steady. Before he’d tried to stand all the way, Rand had moved his chair close enough he could just slip into it and sit down.

She moved his chair closer so he could push up and then sit. Once he was back in his seat, Rand moved her own chair as close as she could to him. Her face was blotchy and her eyes red and puffy, but she ate, slowly, small nibbles. Occasionally stopping and leaning for long moments against him. Roman might have even thought she was asleep once.

Rand

Rand pushed their chairs together so she could lean on him and Roman put his arm around her. It took the dizziness a while to go away and Roman got the feeling he was pushing himself too hard. All the up and down and all the focusing on what to say and how. But he wasn’t going to complain to Rand about it. Rand was eating, but slowly, taking long breaks to just lean on him. Roman waited patiently for her to finish, his arm around her, keeping her close.

~ Roman