Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Lost in Thought

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Lost in Thought

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Lost in Thought

(snip)

Roman was still sitting at the table when she came out with half of a bagel sitting in front of him and an empty cup of tea. He pointed to the Scottish breakfast Randy had brought to her. “Your food’s getting cold. You should try to eat.”

~ Roman

Rand looked over at the table and the full breakfast Randy had brought her. Then she felt even worse. What she’d done was a childish reaction to her feelings and Randy didn’t deserve that. She’d have to eat all of that, and she wasn’t sure she could stomach water at the moment. She looked around for Randy, to apologize, but he was gone. Why? Duty shift…right. Rand sat when Roman told her to eat. She picked up the fork and took a small bite. She wanted to apologize for her behavior. There was no reason for her to be so upset, and she was sorry, but she couldn’t get the words out. So she just moved the food around on the plate between tiny bites.

Rand

“Your brother told me about your grandparents,” Roman finally decided to say, speaking carefully. “Is that what’s been upsetting you?” He took another little bite of the bagel, he was really, really trying to force himself to eat. He didn’t need to faint again.

Rand looked up at him when he mentioned her grandparents. He asked if that was what was bothering her. She nodded and looked away. Blinking and then wiping her face with the cuff of her robe in an attempt to not stop from crying. She knew she was a child, but she had been old enough, maybe. Certainly now looking back…could Roman forgive her if he knew? She finished the bite in her mouth and asked “Wha…what did he tell you?” She almost guzzled her water from a suddenly very dry mouth.

“That he had a heart attack and you didn’t know what to do. Miranda… You were four. Most children don’t know how to do much of anything alone at that age let alone what to do in an emergency. It wasn’t your fault.” Roman thought about it. At four, yes, he was starting to learn violin, but not on his own! He’d had an instructor. Almost everything he did at that age was with a nanny or tutor. He was probably still learning to dress himself properly.

Rand couldn’t say anything. Yes she was four, the first time. Even with her eyes open looking at Roman she could still feel the confusion and fear and the noise. The siren, the paramedics and their machines, and the 7 or 8 adults there and all their questions had felt like 100, and Seanair was so pale, she’d cried and cried. Then at the hospital no one would tell her where they had taken him or what was going on. Finally her parents had arrived and she’d begged to see him, he had been so…pale and thin, his breath…Rand let out a strained shutter and was quiet for several minutes.

He made a face as he said it but he was trying to be good so he said, “Randy wants me to ice my head for twenty minutes each hour.”

~ Roman

She slumped. She should have been out here when Randy told him that. “Are you okay? Is…is something wrong?” How was she supposed to know what to do if she hadn’t heard? Randy wouldn’t let him sit at the table and move around if something was wrong. How would she know if something was wrong if she didn’t know what was going on? “Are you still dizzy? What about your blood sugar?” Randy brought him tea so was he still dehydrated? She was supposed to know this so she would know what to do. She had to do better than she did with her grandfather. “I…I’m sorry. I was acting very selfishly.” She got up, moving toward the drawer where she had stashed the icepacks - food forgotten. She activated it and brought it over, pulling her chair over and gently placed it on the back of his head.

Rand

Now it sounded like he’d worried her. He mentally slapped his own forehead. “I don’t think so. Randy didn’t seem very worried.” Then she asked a couple more questions and yep, she sounded worried. He should’ve just handled it himself. “I’m still getting really dizzy every time I stand. It’s… dropping again. I’m trying to eat, but…” Roman gestured to the half eaten bagel on his plate. “He said I’m still dehydrated but then, he brought me tea, so I assume he isn’t too worried about that, either. He said he’d be back with Elbbirt around lunch.” Roman looked up at her when she apologized and he shook his head. “You haven’t done anything wrong. We both know how I am when I’m upset.” And it was worse than hiding in a bathroom for half an hour or so. Roman flinched when she set the ice pack against his head, the goose egg was still tender. He set his hand over hers on the ice pack and gestured to her plate. “Make sure you eat. Elbbirt said you were lucky it wasn’t you on that floor and I’m not letting that happen.”

~ Roman

The more Roman talked the more reassured she was. Rand was worried about him, but his answers weren’t hesitant like they were the day before, like he couldn’t remember, and he was being his usual factual self. She nodded to each answer. Caffeine didn’t help with dehydration but…”I have some decaf black tea. Do you want that or some water?” She saw he was trying to eat and that was a relief. Then he said she hadn’t done anything wrong and she didn’t hear anything else for a moment. He insisted, again, that she eat. Her hand slipped from the ice pack and she pulled the plate toward herself. She scooped the baked beans onto the toast but put it down before she took a bite. “You don’t know what I did…”

“Seanair had a heart attack when I was 4. R…Randy told you. He…he was sick for a long time. I didn’t know what was wrong with him. I remember he wasn’t acting right. He was tired, like he was limping. He wanted to sit down, but I wanted to keep going. Seanair gave me anything I wanted, and he…” Rand shook her head. “I was a very spoiled by him, I knew if I asked, insisted he keep going…I didn’t know it was so bad. When the doctors told us what happened I asked everyone about it, until I knew everything I could about it.”

“When I was seven, it was the same. He was struggling all the time. Short of breath, couldn’t do simple things without having to rest and rubbing at his left arm, saying it was numb when I asked…I…I would catch him holding his chest. I begged him to tell Seanmhair or Da, but he wouldn’t. He said it was nothing to stop…stop worrying. I…I didn’t tell anyone.” She couldn’t look at him, staring instead at her hands clasped in her lap. Silently the tears started. Her voice was strained and cracked. “I knew and I didn’t tell and he died.”

Rand