Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Lost in Thought

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Lost in Thought

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Lost in Thought
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Rand looked upset. She finally let go of the blanket and told him. Roman pulled her into a tight hug, pressing her to him. “Talk about it when you’re ready to.” He said softly. “Are you okay, at least?” His own nightmares always left him feeling afraid and unhappy.

~ Roman

Roman hugged her tightly and it made her feel better, safe. He was pressing her so tightly to him she couldn’t nod or shake her head. “Not really.” She was never okay after that one particular dream. It would always leave her panicked and jittery all day. Even knowing that’s how it would be never made it easy to deal with or make it go away. Usually if she could she stayed in her room all day or she ended up behind schedule all day and that only made her more anxious. But that wasn’t going to happen. She was on leave but if Roman was going back to work, and she knew he would now that the project was done, there was no reason not to save the rest of her leave days. She was willing to stay there and let him hold her until he had to get up.

But she didn’t want to make him late or behind what he had or wanted to do. Her voice was quiet and shuttered whisper. “Do you want me to make tea?” She had no idea Randy had told him water and no caffeine that day.

Rand

Roman hugged her for several more minutes before letting her go. She didn’t know Randy had told him no tea. Was it selfish to let her make the tea? Probably. If she found out she’d worry about the dehydration. But it wasn’t like he was going to die of it, right? She’d probably be angry with him, too. Like she was on Kelmao. Was it selfish to not tell her? Roman didn’t think so. But apparently, he didn’t know what being selfish was.

In the end he simply shook his head and managed a hushed, “Maybe later,” letting his head drop back to the bed. He wanted to work, simply to take his mind off his problems. He hadn’t felt so miserable since just after it happened. But he also didn’t want to anymore, because of how miserable he felt, because of what Randy said, and because he just felt too tired. But he still didn’t feel like he’d be doing any sleeping.

~ Roman

Rand didn’t think too hard on him saying later. Roman didn’t get up as early as her unless he had decided to run with her. So since she was off duty they didn’t have to get up yet. If they did, Roman would already be up. Would it be selfish to let Roman catch up on his reports alone? To take one more day just for herself and try to feel better? Was it selfish to the rest of the crew to take another day rather than go back to work to all the people who needed her help or at least had things they would rather let her do than do themselves? Roman wasn’t selfish. He let her help in the lab, doing something useful even if it wasn’t overly significant. He made the rest of the lab crew leave her alone, not tease her or overwhelm her. He sat with her in sickbay when she broke her foot even though he hated it. He let her help with his reports so she could be working, limiting her down time so she could avoid spending time in the rec hall or galley. He was just trying to get through each day.

She laid there lost in her own thoughts, shaking off memories she didn’t want to remember. Randy would make her talk even when she didn’t want to, but Roman had no idea what was bothering her. So she didn’t have to talk about it. Roman might think she was nagging, and it would sound that way she supposed. She needed to get up and do something but she just didn’t. Instead the memories crowded in, vivid and present. She reached blindly to the floor and pulled the scented kelpie to her chest, breathing in the soothing scent and tries to think of anything else.

Rand

Roman was lost in his own thoughts and because of that, he missed that something was up with Rand. His thoughts spiralled in the silence between them. Why couldn’t he just move on? The… that incident, it was three years ago. And he still couldn’t think about it. Any mention of it and he would get upset. It was ridiculous. And if Randy was right, and he wasn’t fit to lead anymore, that was why. Because he couldn’t get over it. Maybe he should ask Randy for his video back. Make himself watch it. Randy had said it would be more harmful than anything though.

Roman’s thoughts were only interrupted when Rand reached down for her stuffed kelpie. He turned and hugged her again. “Is there anything you want to do? Anything that would distract you?” He was tired. He didn’t feel like he had the energy to do anything. But he would, for her. He’d go running if she asked him to.

~ Roman

Some things never went away. It got better, or maybe you just learned to be numb to it so you got through? Maybe it was better…Rand didn’t spend days so bing over the guilt anymore. She could talk about it, but she preferred not to, at least not about this. She didn’t need Randy to know how the memory that triggered the nightmare affected her life. It didn’t matter that from the outside it looked unreasonable. Emotion wasn’t logical. Maybe that was why she felt like she understood Roman a little better. Randy had nothing to avoid or hide from. Her grandmother said she didn’t give Randy enough credit for understanding. Rand just felt Randy was stronger than her.

Rand didn’t want to do anything. She didn’t want to think or remember. Doing something would be a little distracting, but she also knew she was too upset to do anything serious. “No. I don’t really want to do anything…maybe a movie, coffee.” Coffee being a Scottish coffee to help her go back to sleep.

She breathed in the lavender scent. “You don’t have to stay with me. I know you probably want to go back to work.”

Rand

Roman nodded and then shrugged. “I’ll go in a little late. Around 1000 or 1100, I think.” He wasn’t supposed to go at all but he wasn’t sure he could manage that. “So I could watch a movie with you and then I’ll go. Do you want help making the coffee?” Was that putting her first enough? What else could he do? He stood from the bed to grab a PaDD and get her a coffee, if she wanted him to.

~ Roman

“Please.” She sat up slowly. It made her heart race but not in a dangerous way. It was just the adrenaline from the nightmare. She just wanted to lay back down. Pipkin looked up at her from the floor where she had hopped down to follow Roman. “I brought it with me last night. It’s in the bag. I…I was going to make it…” She didn’t want to look in the bag.

Inside was a decaf coffee blend (caffeine defeated the purpose), cream, whisky, and the secret spice Rand used. Also inside the bag, in addition to clothes were a scrapbook and several framed pictures of Rand with different family members. Most of them contained Rand as a teenager or older. Only one was of her as a child with an older man who looked similar enough it was probably her grandfather. She was maybe 6, sitting on a blanket outside next to him. She was staring up at him like children do to someone they adore, but there was also that worry line between her eyes. The man was laughing, giving her a hug, pulling her in for the photo, smiling and making a face to make her laugh. The man obviously adored her too.

Instead of getting up, Rand picked up Pipkin and loved on her to hide the fact she didn’t want to look in the bag.

Rand

Roman caught himself looking at the pictures for too long. Rand had so many family members! There was a picture of her as kid, too, with someone who must have been her grandfather. It was nice to put a face to her stories of her childhood adventures.

He grabbed the supplies for the coffee and set them on the table. He knew how to make it, but he had to think about it for a second. He made the coffee and when it was ready, brought her the cup. He only made one, hers. Then he grabbed his PaDD. “What do you want to watch?”

~ Roman