Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: In Memory of Jay

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: In Memory of Jay

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: In Memory of Jay
Posted by… suppressed (7) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
The next disk was another long one. Roman was quiet throughout the whole thing, mostly because he was cried out and tired rather than feeling any better. The videos seemed to go quickly to him this time and then Rand stood and stretched. Roman didn’t move, he stayed sitting, staring blankly at the screen, which wasn’t playing anything just then.

~ Roman

Rand watched him, staring at nothing, not even the middle distance in thought but blankly, saying nothing, nor moving. He’d been there for hours, just like her. He hadn’t moved, spoken, or reacted at all. Rand decided they had done enough, they had done more than enough today and the day before, and so on. Standing beside the desk she tapped and scribbled on her PaDD and then turned it off. She did the same with the computer and then the remaining disks got ‘secured’ in the storage compartment of her PaDD. She slid her chair out of the way and knelt down in front of him taking both of his hands, “Roman? What can I do?”

Rand

Roman didn’t move while she turned the computer and the PaDD off, and then cleaned the disks up, stashing them in her PaDD’s storage. He only looked at her when she pulled both of his hands into hers. The motion of his head was jolty as if she’d startled him. He’d been lost in the very memories he’d been trying to block away and ignore. His look was sad and tired and he shook his head to her question, a silent I don’t know, his hands tightening a little around hers.

~ Roman

Rand looked up at him, concern building in her. Not even on his worst nights had she seen him this unresponsive and despondent. She couldn’t help feeling guilty for bringing this on him, but that wasn’t going to help him now. “Tell me…what you were thinking about.” Moving, just something to do might help? Beating up the practice dummy? Rand didn’t know, “or…or we could go to the gym.”

Rand

Roman hadn’t responded to Rand’s first comment when she made a second. He shook his head. He was tired enough he’d probably injure himself trying to practice his jiu jitsu. He thought about the answer to her first question. It was Jay he was thinking about, wasn’t it obvious? But answering felt like an impossible task. All he wanted to do was cry but it felt like there weren’t any tears left to do it with.

~ Roman

She knew it was about Jay or the Ardent or both. But she had been asking specifics. What about Jay he had been thinking. She didn’t push though. Instead she stood up and moved about the room a moment, then she returned and took his hands. She tugged him to stand and to walk the few paces to the bed. Then she tugged his shirt off over his head and made him sit and the urged him to lay down. She draped the silly doll pillow over his eyes as best she could and then an icy cloth across the base of his skull. The bed dipped as she moved to sit next to his hip. Then the heavy herbal and menthol scent of muscle rub right before her hands began to work at the knots and soreness.

Rand

Maybe Rand was asking specifically, that was lost on him just then. Roman stood when she tugged on his hands, letting her lead him. He lifted his arms for her so she could get his shirt over his head. Her hands put gentle pressure against him, making him sit and then lay. He was compliant. There was no resistance. The ‘doll pillow’ and the icy cold cloth made him feel soothingly cold. He could smell the muscle rub before she started to rub the tightness out of his shoulders and his back. He knew she was as sore as he was and he felt bad letting her do this for him. But it was soothing, and felt really nice, and he didn’t feel like he had the energy for anything.

~ Roman

Rand didn’t mind, especially if it helped. She worked at each knot, rubbed extra oil into each area the made him flinch from being sore. Allowing the heat from the oil and her hands to sooth him and the icy cloths to numb him, Rand worked till after she knew he was asleep. She laid the blanket over him to keep in the warmth and got up, without disturbing him. She changed out both the pillow and icy cloth. She fed Pipkin a treat before allowing her on the bed.

It took a while but as she worked the soreness and tenseness out of him, he fell asleep. It always started out a peaceful sleep but at least he was getting some sleep. Her movement to get off the bed and then around the room did not disturb him.

Rand turned the lights low. She knew smell was the strongest sense to trigger memory, but sound could as well. She flipped through the computer until she found the music for the waltz they danced here in his room. It had been a wonderful evening. For her anyway, and she hoped for him. She set it to repeat very softly. She had no idea what time it was and didn’t care to look. Then she took a shower, as hot as she could stand it. Hands braced on the wall as she let the scalding hot water work out the soreness and knots in her own back and shoulders. She applied the oil as best she could. Finally wrapped in a warm flannel shirt, Rand slipped beneath the blanket next to Roman and was asleep almost instantly.

Rand

It was a fantastic evening for him and he’d loved dancing with her, both in his quarters and at the dance, despite that night involving panic for them both. And the waltz music did seem to help. He was sleeping soundly when she got out of the shower and as she slipped into bed next to him. He slept soundly for a few hours.

But unfortunately, it didn’t last. It was two different things, really, his grief for his friend’s death, and the fear and trauma of the attack. It was the latter that was the cause of his nightmares, but the former and the strain of that grief was great at triggering them. It was one of his bad nightmares he had that night, making him shake and whimper in his sleep. Then, at last he woke, and still tired and emotional, he began to cry again quietly.

~ Roman

Rand felt him shake and moved closer wrapping her arms around him. She grabbed his hand and held firmly. When he whimpered she kissed his temple and began to whisper to him in Gaelic. Normally she didn’t speak because she never knew if it would startle him, but she felt a little desperate to do something to help him. When he finally woke up and started to cry Rand held him tighter, still whispering to him. In the back of her mind she was running through everything that was left. Two disks. She wished the files were corrupted.

Rand

Tonight, it didn’t startle him. Even in his sleep, he squeezed her hand when she grabbed his. He was still shaking against her as she held him. Then he woke, pulling against her for a short minute before he calmed and started crying. Her arms were tight around him, her voice in his ear soothing. But the crying continued. Upset and tired and frustrated, he said quietly, “I just want to sleep in peace.”

~ Roman

Pipkin appeared from wherever she was playing and made her way as close as she could to Roman and then rubbing her nose against him before hunkering down to stay. Rand held him tighter as he pressed closer when he woke. She nodded her head against him. She knew. She really did, the desperate need for sleep to let you escape what haunted you during the day. “What do you need me to do?” Maybe he didn’t know. Maybe it seemed silly to him but would help. Maybe he didn’t think he should ask her. Maybe he wanted space, a moment alone. Or maybe he wanted to talk to someone back home. Though she couldn’t think of who that might be. Or to tell one of those absurd stories, or make tea and a salmon cream cheese bagel. She didn’t know, but whatever it was she would do it to help him.

Rand

Pipkin’s nose was cold as she rubbed up against him, and then she settled down on the blanket as close to him as she could get. His hand was still in Rand’s and he squeezed it lightly. He didn’t know what he needed. He definitely didn’t want to be alone. There was no one back home he regularly contacted, certainly no one he’d want to talk to. Randy, maybe, but he had no idea what Randy could do that was better than Rand so he didn’t say anything. He sniffed hard, trying to pull himself together, and then lay quietly for a few minutes. “Tea. Tea makes everything better.” It was a half hearted attempt at a joke. Really, all he wanted was peaceful sleep, but he wasn’t getting that, so tea was the next best thing.

~ Roman