Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Honoring the Ardent

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Honoring the Ardent

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Honoring the Ardent
Posted by… suppressed (9) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Roman shook his head. “It was rather earthlike, except in what would be most similar to earth’s mesozoic era, with tons of oxygen which meant a lot of plant life and rainforests. Unlike Earth however the planet has not evolved giant lizards. Well, not too many giant lizards. It has longer days than Earth so most the animals are diurnal with poor night vision.” A lot of scientific details, and still no planet name. And the scientific details were still a little difficult for him. Nearly all of his research involved Jay.

~ Roman

No name, yet, but more detail. Randy would come back to that. “Giant Lizards? Every little child’s dream, to see a living dinosaur. Tell me about them, specifically.”

“What kinds of animals did they send you to study?”

Randy

“They weren’t quite as.... Jurassic as you’re thinking,” Roman replied. The memory of Jay popped into his head, unavoidably the center of his attention:

They were standing at the computer console in the Ardent’s main biology lab. Roman sat in the chair, just like he would now, Jay standing behind him with a hand on the back of the chair. Both stared eagerly at the screen, awaiting results. “We sent the probe half an hour ago!” Jay complained, “There should be images transmitting by now.” Roman grinned, giving Jay a look that said, You’re being ridiculous with a side of playfulness. “Hang on, they’ll be here. You know how slow some of the older probes are. Starfleet stuck us with the ones so old I bet your dad’s ship used them. New ones won’t make it for another month.”

“Can’t you put a rush-” The images started to show up, transmitting from the probe on the planet’s surface. “There’s dinosaurs! That’s every little child’s dream right there. To see a living dinosaur.” Jay’s voice held all the excitement of an excited five year old with a stegosaurus toy. “It’s not even big enough to be a dinosaur,” Roman scoffed, gesturing to the screen. “Look at the tree behind it, that’s eight feet tall, tops.” Jay shrugged, “Earth had dinosaurs that weren’t taller than skyscrapers. Don’t be a dream crusher, Roman.”

The memory hit Roman like a ton of bricks reminding him far too much of things he wasn’t ready for, crushing him with emotions he’d spent far too long hiding. His attempt to stop his emotions from showing themselves did nothing to stop the fresh, hot tears that ran from his eyes as he put his head down trying to hold himself together. He was not going to do this, not here. Not when someone that wasn’t Rand or Randy might walk in… He really wished Rand were there just then, but she wasn’t, it was midmorning, she was most likely still doing her morning meeting and tasks.

~ Roman

Randy was waiting for a description, scientific and precise. He didn’t get it. If he had known how exact his words reflected Jay he would have been both astounded and guilty. Instead Alden broke down. That was progress, hard progress, but progress. He moved to lean against the edge of the desk and placed a hand on Alden’s shoulder. Then, as if knowing what he was thinking, Randy pulled out his communicator, flipped it open and began a series patterned taps. When a double tap came back he closed it.

Much quicker than he expected, Randy heard the quick click of boots in the corridor. He got up and opened the door standing in the way of passersby, as Rand gave him a puzzled look. She looked past him and pushed her way in. Randy nodded his head toward the door and left. Rand pressed the button on the desk and locked the door and then hugged him.

Rand

Roman still had his head down on his desk, trying to control his breathing, but it wasn’t working, his breaths were shaky and fitful as he cried into his arms. He hardly noticed Randy’s hand on his shoulder nor the beeps of his communicator. So he was surprised when the door opened and he tried to hide his face further and then more surprised when Rand hugged him. It had been the exact combination it needed to be to cause Roman to break down like this, the accuracy of Randy’s words to Jay’s and Roman’s adamant belief that the Chearian lizards weren’t big enough to call them dinosaurs. When he realized it was Rand there he turned and hugged her back, clinging on to her as he cried into her shoulder.

~ Roman

Rand had absolutely no idea what had happened. The tapping Randy had sent over the comm had startled her. It was a pattern he had designed for her. In case she needed him and was too short of breath to speak. She had never expected Randy to use it. It had worried her. She had been going over the requisition with Chef when she heard it. So she hadn’t been far and was on her way to Sickbay - thinking it was Randy.

Roman knew Randy wouldn’t have known what happened so there was no way Rand knew. There was nothing to tell, to Randy it would’ve looked as though he just suddenly and randomly broke down.

Randy knew it wasn’t random. What he didn’t know was what Roman remembered. But random it was not.

She didn’t ask. She felt like he needed to say it, to share whatever it was, but she didn’t think he could yet. She held him as tightly as she could, resting her cheek against the top of his head. When he finally began to calm down, she asked softly, “What happened? You can tell me. I promise it will help.”

Rand

It took quite a while for Roman to calm down. He clung to Rand, crunching her shirt up in his fists until finally he got a hold of himself and his breathing started to even out as the crying eased. Finally he relaxed a little in her arms and that was when she asked him. He took a couple more deep, shaky breaths and then started, “R-randy came looking for me to talk about the project.” He paused for another breath, his voice still shaky and sounding cry-y. “He was trying to make me talk about the animals I studied… And he said every little kid’s dream was to see a dinosaur.”

It had certainly been Randy’s, and Rand would admit that a giant pet lizard had been the theme of her make believe play when she was 4. What child was not fascinated by dinosaurs.

That wouldn’t make any sense without context, so Roman started trying to describe the memory to her. He didn’t make two sentences in before he started crying again, but through his tears he managed to describe it to her. He relayed how closely Randy’s words had resembled Jay’s. Then he finished with, “And I always said it couldn’t be a dinosaur if it wasn’t taller than a one story building. Do you know what I told Randy? That they weren’t the colossal Jurassic lizards he was thinking of.” The words were said through shaky, hiccupy, cry-y breaths and when he finished, he put his head back against her shoulder again. The ‘of’ was drawn out by the crying. The whole thing sounded absurd and childish but it had been a running joke between the two, whether the lizards should be called dinosaurs or not.

~ Roman

Rand held him, rocking slightly. She listened as he sobbed and talked and remembered. As he described Jay, Rand could picture him arguing with Roman, joking with him. Pushing the boundaries of strict scientific observation. It was the most that Roman had ever said of Jay. “He sounds like he found joy in his work, and in life. That he loved what he did.” She kissed the top of his head and hugged him tighter. It was hard to imagine someone teasing Roman and making him laugh at their impatience. He never seemed bothered by having to wait for tests or data. It arrived when it was supposed to. She wished she could have met him.

Rand

Roman was unaware of anything Jay didn’t find joy in. Everything was a laugh to him. He leaned against her when he finished his story and at her words he cried harder. What she said helped, but made him sad, too. Jay was always happy. He didn’t deserve to be gone. Roman hugged her back, wrapping his arms tightly around her as before he’d simply been curled up against her, as much as he could be still sitting in his chair. He kept his head firmly tucked against her shoulder while he cried.

When he started to calm, he turned his head slightly. “Randy… Tell Randy for me.” The crying, like the last time he’d cried a lot, had caused a headache, along with turning his face bright red, his eyes puffy. He was still just sad, and he wanted to do nothing but go to bed, but his crying had finally stopped and he sniffed, grabbing a tissue off his desk to dry his face with.

~ Roman

“Okay, I will.” Rand had nothing with her to help his headache or his appearance. She hugged him. “I’ll be right back.” She pressed the button to unlock the door and slipped out. She stopped at the lab, a frustrated and incredulous look on her face. She caught Franks as he was leaving for lunch. “Lt.” Franks grinned, “Hey Rand, the Cmdr isn’t here. You need me to stay.” Rand shook her head. “No. He’s been on the comms all morning about the cobra and then about that special project he’s been working on. He has to be back on tonight, so he’s taking the rest of the day out of the lab to deal with some XO issues.” Franks nodded, Rand was so calm, matter of fact about it, he had no reason to doubt. “Sure, I’ll take care of the lab and get the evening reports to you.”

Rand went to the Galley next, snuck into the back, grabbed two mugs of ice water and a towel. She returned to his office, hugging him as soon as she walked in. She handed him one mug to drink and then dampened the towel with the other and wiped his face with it.

“Come on. You’re cleared until tonight. Let’s… let’s go.”

Rand

While Rand was gone, Roman stayed sitting at his desk, staring off aimlessly, occasionally sniffling quietly. He was in no mood or condition to argue. Her ice water cloth helped with how he looked and he took the other mug to drink when she handed it to him. When she said he was cleared until later that night, he nodded and stood from his desk, letting her lead him out of the office.

~ Roman

They managed to make it back to his quarters without running into anyone. She had Roman sit on the bed and then Rand brought him more water. “Try to drink some more,” she kept the lights low. Once Pipkin was out, she seemed to understand exactly what she had to do. Rand wet two clothes and placed one on the back of his neck. She got him to lean back against her shoulder and placed the other over his eyes. It would feel so much worse, but it would be better. She took his hand and started squeezing.

Rand

Roman let her lead him, keeping his head bent down in case they passed anyone. They didn’t. They reached his quarters and Rand sat him on the bed and handed him more water. He felt tired and sad, but it helped the way Rand took care of him. He had one towel over the back of his neck and then he was leaning against her shoulder again and she put another one over his eyes. He lay against her quietly, his hand in hers, Pipkin on his lap.

~ Roman

Rand sat with him until he fell asleep. A couple of stories came to mind, about her and Randy or the time their parents had taken them to the national dinosaur park in North America. Those seemed poor choices. Instead she told him about the time she took the part in Brave as Merida. People kept calling her Miranda during rehearsal because the names were so similar. Then the director had taken them to study real bears. Rand so she would be able to act the part of being truly frightened of the creature and the other actors so they could mimic the behavior and movement of the bears. Especially the cubs. Rand of course had convinced the zoologist to let her help, within reason, take care of them. She was most surprised by how incredibly gentle they were.

Roman lay against her while she talked, telling him another story. All that emotion had tired him out, making him feel sleepy and numb. As he started to fall asleep, he lay back on the bed, keeping his hand in hers. Two main things helped cause nightmares for him: stress, and reminders of what happened. Nightmares, however, didn’t usually start until he’d been asleep longer, so this was probably the strain of the memory.

When Roman started twitching it was hard to tell if it was a nightmare or simply a physical reaction to the strain of the memory. His face lacked the normal pinched look he carried when it was a nightmare. She urged Pipkin to move under his hand. Roman had never squeezed hers when she held his hand when he had a nightmare, just flexed his fingers around hers. But she watched carefully just incase. Pipkin had a different idea and decided she would settle on his shoulder near his neck and that seemed to work just as well.

She didn’t want to leave but she had to finish the tasks she’d been working on. She left a note on his PaDD next to him, telling him where she had gone, that she left water to help with the headache and she would be back quickly. She placed a pillow in her place and quietly slipped out the door. She was gone almost 45 minutes. She finished her tasks, stopped and spoke to Randy very quickly, and grabbed some disks from her office. She slipped back in and next to him, working from her PaDD the rest of the day until her evening rounds.

Rand

Roman woke just as she came back, sitting up as the door opened. His sitting up upset Pipkin, still settled on his shoulder, and she ran around him and then settled back on his lap. Roman looked up at with a little yawn and asked, “How long did I sleep?”

~ Roman