Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Honoring the Ardent

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Honoring the Ardent

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Honoring the Ardent
Posted by… suppressed (6) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Roman nodded and then shook his head. “They would wonder why I was restricting myself from projects I’d normally be excited for. And I don’t usually take days off.” She was doing that thing again, emphasizing the ‘we’s in her statements. Reminding him he wasn’t alone, that he didn’t have to tackle this by himself. He moved over a little on the bed, making space for her.

~ Roman

She didn’t really think about the silent invitation, she just moved and sat next to him, hands still clasped on her arms, but the incessant rubbing had stopped. “You finished with Mr Wyvern, you have to research somewhere to send him. And Mushu needs your attention. What if he is very sick and something is wrong? You really should spend the extra time to make sure. No one would question that. You just finished one of your own projects, it would be a good time to review all the other labs and get current before starting your next. That is completely in character for you.” She was sitting, she was tired, she should not have sat down. “You take days off with me.” The last word was forced out through a yawn she could not stifle.

Rand

He needed to talk about it but simply didn’t know how and so Roman shrugged and said, “I don’t know…” She yawned and he was both concerned for her and glad for a reason to change the topic. Her yawn brought his attention back to something Randy had said. “How long has it been since you slept?”

~ Roman

Rand wasn’t going to convince him, and he wasn’t going to talk to her. She smothered out the irritation that caused. She had to be honest and admit to herself she was only irritated because she was over tired and she was using irritation to hide her fear and anxiety, which was worse because she wasn’t sleeping. At his question she seemed to be thinking, figiting with her fingers and pointedly staring at her hands. She hedged, he would only worry. “Longer than you’d like.”

Roman sighed softly, he really wished he could talk to her. It would almost be easier to ask Randy to tell her, but he didn’t think Randy would do that. She hedged his question and he gave her a look not dissimilar to the ones he gave his officers when he thought they were being rediculous. “How much longer than I’d like?”

She tried to stop the next yawn by clenching her jaw closed but gave up. She could feel him giving her that look (or maybe she just imagined he was because she knew she was in trouble), and not the one that gave her butterflies. “Before the data files arrived.”

Rand

Finally she gave the question a real answer and Roman shook his head. “Miranda! That was a week ago! What, did you see me not sleeping and think it looked fun?” He knew that wasn’t it, but he was frustrated and tired and the words slipped out. He checked the time, 2330, and his tone changed to a softer one, worried and caring. “You need to get some sleep.”

~ Roman

Rand didn’t flinch at the tone when he said her name, but her face screwed up and a something like a wince of guilt. He sounded SO MUCH LIKE RANDY! The accusation was unfair. She’ tried to sleep. Laid in bed for hours staring up at the ceiling into the darkness. Unable to sleep. She’d gone running, pushing herself past a good stretch and heart rate into exhaustion. Rather than letting her body lay awake in bed she’d gotten up and done extra work then returning to try again. She had even added whisky to her Scottish coffee (something she avoided) in the hopes it would be enough to make her fall asleep. Instead the whisky had done what it always did, make her anxiety worse and send her into a panic attack - alone. But before she could say anything to his accusation his tone changed. She just nodded, agreeing, she knew he was right. She didn’t want to still be awake, but she’d go to bed and he’d go back to the lab. She’d still be lying awake worrying, every possible worst case scenario still running through her mind, and if she did sleep they just turned in bad dreams and nightmares that woke her.

Rand

She didn’t say anything but she nodded and Roman sighed again. He knew she wasn’t sleeping because of him. Because ever since those disks came in all he did was work and have nightmares and she worried too much. And that made him feel bad but there wasn’t anything he could do. If he could just sleep he would but he saw little point in trying when he’d only end up having another nightmare and waking up. “Is there anything Randy can do to help you? Or something I can do?”

~ Roman

That got an immediate reaction. Rand flinched, pulled away, her breath hitching. “Don’t tell Randy. Please.” He’d sedate her. Okay that sounded harsh, he would give her something to help her relax so she could sleep. A ‘mild sedative’ is how he would put it, but in the end that’s what he would do. Because Randy knew at this point it wasnt’ her choice and her body was caught in a kind of loop. Without a little push in the right direction she’d continue in this hyper aware state and just become more exhausted. She could not do that, not again. Forced to sleep because she wasn’t healthy enough to be awake. She had to find a different way. She couldn’t do that.

“I won’t. Not this time,” Roman promised. Perhaps he should have, but he recognized that panic. Not too different from whenever Rand told him he needed to go to sickbay. He wasn’t going to make her do something that created that strong of a response unless there wasn’t a choice.

Rand wanted to ask him to stay, to not leave her alone. Then she wouldn’t worry so much…she hoped, but there was still the guilt. But that was too close to bothering him about what he didn’t want to talk about. Making it about her needs instead of his. She could almost see how she was confusing herself. Maybe she should talk to Randy, maybe she’d been neglecting her own mental health because she’d felt she was doing so well. It was a line of thinking that required more focus than she had at the moment.

Rand

“Is there something I can do then?” Roman asked again. She always stayed with him when he couldn’t sleep, so she’d be there if he woke up. And apparently this last week she hadn’t been sleeping herself, so maybe it wouldn’t matter if he couldn’t sleep. Maybe that would be helpful to her, then. So he offered, “I’ll stay here with you tonight. Will that help?”

~ Roman

Rand nodded. Roman’s presence always helped. Kind of like Randy always helped, but not in the same way. Roman helped her feel calm so maybe that would help. “I…I don’t want to keep you from your work.” Her shoulders fell, if he asked was it so wrong to tell the truth? “It would.” She would try to sleep; it was all she could do. She understood perfectly that Roman was going against his better judgement in not telling Randy. She would have to find a better way to deal with her anxiety. She wouldn’t get another reprieve next time.

Rand

“My work can wait.” He was only using it to avoid sleeping himself after all. He moved over on the bed and pulled up the blanket, holding it up for her to get under. Then he waited for her. “I’ll be right here, all night. Then you can get some sleep.” If he was lucky he would too but he held little hope. And if she did sleep he didn’t want to wake her with a nightmare.

~ Roman

Rand moved over, under the blanket and laid down next to him. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but it took a long time. As soon as she would start to fall asleep she would twitch - over tired muscles.

Eventually she fell asleep, tossing and turning frequently. Until she woke suddenly, around 0130, sitting straight up with a gasp. Feeling like she’d been running, flat out, for awhile.

Rand