Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Honoring the Ardent

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Honoring the Ardent

(snip)

Randy nodded, noticing how irritated and jerk like Alden’s responses were becoming. Again it didn’t phase Randy. And what Alden said wasn’t wrong, nor was it ‘right.’ It was individual opinions. As for making contributions that were remembered, well it was true everyone knew the massive big deal discoveries, but those that studied a topic learned about the contributions of others. Randy wasn’t thinking legacies, just a person’s desire to contribute to society as a whole. There was one thing that stood out to Randy, but he was hesitant to say it. Alden would either stop in his tracks and consider or become even more irate and end the session. And it wouldn’t do to react like a jerk to Alden just because he was upset. This was a safe space, he could react however he needed to, where anywhere else he would not. So time to change tactics.

“Does it help you to know you’ve given some finalization to their work?”

Randy

“If it did, wouldn’t I be getting more sleep, not less?” Roman replied. It was phrased as a question but it didn’t sound like one. He was tired and as he said it he leaned back against the bed’s headboard, putting his feet up on the bed. It was a less professional way to sit but he’d grown used to the sessions with Randy and more relaxed in them. “I’m quite certain your sister has done us both the favour of telling you just how little I’ve slept in the last week.”

~ Roman

Randy barely stopped himself from grinning. Rand had only tattled about Alden’s sleep because he caught her zombie walking around a couple of days ago after her shift. He’d pressed her about it. This morning she’d willingly finished the tale when he asked. But if Roman did not know it now he better learn, Rand would always try her best to care for those she lived. Even if they got mad at her later. Randy nodded, “She did.” He wasn’t going to say under duress, but found it funny how quickly Alden tossed her under the bus.

Randy leaned back and looked at him a moment. “You finished the last report last night, and you slept 6 solid hours in one go. So I would say that the completion of the work did help.” They had already talked about the fact that the nightmares would never totally go away. They would go away for a time, but his own personal trauma was quite severe. The nightmares would always crop up from time to time.

Randy

Roman remembered the conversation. It was the session in which he’d admitted that the problem Rand had first noticed, when she covered for his mistakes on his reports, was because of the anniversary of Jay’s death. Randy had explained that they’d never go away, not permanently. Roman wished they would. That he could sleep peacefully, never have to think about them. It would never happen. They’d go away for a time, but always come back. Probably less and less as years went by but somehow at this point in time that wasn’t very comforting to him. Roman did not attribute his sleep to finishing the work but to Rand’s comfort and massage. It seemed too intimate a thing to tell to her brother. “If it was because the work is finished, it’s because I don’t have to think about it anymore.” He said instead.

~ Roman

If Roman did say he thought it was the massage, Randy would have pointed out he would not have been able to relax if his mind hadn’t been able and willing to do so. If Rand was there she would have reminded Roman she’d massaged his neck and shoulders every night. Granted not like that but he hadn’t been willing to really leave the lab before that either.

“Do you think that will work with your own project? Hurry up and finish so you never have to think of it again? That approach does provide a type of closure.”

Randy

No, he even fell asleep at his desk more times than the first. He’d only left to use the restroom, and with how little he was eating and drinking, he hadn’t needed to do that very many times. And to freshen up in the morning, make sure he didn’t look like the train wreck he sort of had been that week. At the mention of his project, Roman choked back tears. Why did that happen every time? He cried too much lately. He shook his head, all evidence of his earlier anger gone from his body language and voice. “No.” The word was soft and quietly spoken. His shoulders sagged. He wanted to check his face for wetness but if it was dry, he didn’t want to make it blatantly obvious he was trying not to cry again.

~ Roman