Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Honoring the Ardent

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side - sim: Honoring the Ardent

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side - sim: Honoring the Ardent

(snip)

Roman cried for quite a while, hugged against her, his head against her shoulder. He just couldn’t stop. He would be happy to have them another time, he was sure, but he just wasn’t ready. He didn’t even want to look at the PaDD or the data disks. He’d see the faces of his crewmates, of Jay. Instead he kept his head on her shoulder until eventually he calmed.

At some point Rand removed the data disk from his PaDD and slid the stack back into her pocket. She understood, though her own trauma wasn’t anything like his or his loss, she did understand. She would put them away, keep them, and if he ever decided he wanted them, he could have them. If not, that was okay too.

Roman knew she would keep them. They’d be there for him whenever he wanted them. His and Jay’s work… Somehow, she’d recovered it. Or gotten someone in the Engineering Corps to do it for her, anyway. There were both written and audio recordings in those files. There might’ve been video, if everything was recovered. The thought made him cry harder again for a few moments, and then he started to calm again. It was better than thinking they were lost forever. He turned his head into her as she pulled the disk out of his PaDD, his tears wetting her shirt.

Rand didn’t care, the shirt would dry. She held him tighter while the grief raged. It occured to her that Roman probably hadn’t grieved for Jay or the crew, not really. Not that he didn’t feel their loss or miss them terribly, but he had never really grieved. Probably an effect of his family if she had to guess, made worse by the circumstances. The long wait for help and the absolute desperate need to find a way to survive. She rested her head against his while he cried and held onto her.

He hadn’t really. The way his family raised him played a hand, and at the time there really hadn’t been time for that. It happened, and then they were adrift with dwindling supplies and barely functional ship systems, and then there was his recovery. He’d sort of just ignored his feelings about the whole thing, for months after the incident, telling himself there still wasn’t time for that. He had to return to Starfleet, and then he had to work. He always had to work. But the nightmares had started then, and he tried to ignore those, too.

He took a couple of shaky breaths before his breathing evened out some and then he relaxed against her, listening to her whispered Gaelic words. Roman understood some of them, probably more if he were listening more closely. He’d been learning from her for a few months now. But he didn’t assume the meaning was the important part. He sat against her, still hugging her, silently for a while, and then managed a “Thank you,” his voice cry-y and shaky.

~ Roman

At some point Pipkin, sensing something was wrong, got up from her spot on the bed and hopped over. She lifted onto her back feet and nosed at them both before settling between them. Mostly Rand was whispering terms of endearment, once or twice a lullaby, and more than any other telling him he wasn’t alone. When he finally spoke she kissed his cheek gently, “I love you, Roman. You don’t have to thank me.”

Rand

Roman felt a cold, wet nose against his elbow as Pipkin nosed him, and then Rand, and then her little paws as she settled in between them. Occasionally, she’d nose at him insistently, trying to get him to pet her. When she spoke, he hugged her a little tighter. It took another few moments after Rand kissed his cheek for him to lift his head off her shoulder. His face was tearstained, his nose stuffed. He felt like he looked like an upset child. Keeping one arm around Rand, he gave Pipkin a little pet. “Let me get cleaned up a little,” he said, gesturing towards the little restroom in his quarters.

~ Roman

Rand sat with him, however long it was, until he moved. She was reluctant to let him go, but she couldn’t help but smile to herself over Pipkin. She was quite the intuitive little fluff ball. Pipkin had a way of making you feel better, and she was immensely glad she had managed to get her. She had the best personality. The little rabbit leaned into the pets, raising up on hind feet to follow Roman’s hand when he would have stopped. Then she flopped over suddenly onto her side when Roman scratched behind her left ear.

Roman smiled a little as Pipkin flopped over. She was an incredibly friendly rabbit, and she seemed to have good intuitive sense when something was wrong. If he left her out at night, sometimes she’d lay against him if he was having a nightmare. That worried him a little, he didn’t want to roll over onto her. But he still thought it was kind of cool she’d do it.

Rand didn’t think he looked like a child at all, but a heart broken, ravaged man, who somehow survived the attack on the Ardent, found a way to keep going. She just wanted to hug him. But when he said he wanted to clean up, she hugged him tighter for a moment and then let him get up when he was ready. Once the door closed behind him, Rand was out the door with the offensive disks, put them in her quarters and was back before he was finished.

Rand

Roman hugged her for one more moment and then stood, making his way to the bathroom. He washed his face a couple of times, and then dried it. He looked a little better but his eyes were puffy and there were red splotches from the crying. Leaned over the sink, he nearly started crying all over again. The disks had brought it all back up, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, picturing them, his crewmates. He splashed himself with cold water, dried himself off one more time, and then went back out into his quarters.

Rand listened for him. She knew he needed to be alone for a moment, but if it got bad, she’d go in there. Or maybe she’d get Randy. While she waited, Rand couldn’t help but feel horrible, but she didn’t think she had done anything really wrong. Her actions had upset Roman greatly though.

He’d been in there for quite a while after Rand came back. When he finally did come out, he sat next to her and hugged her again. The food was cold by then, not that Roman really remembered it was there. Though he was no longer crying, he still looked really upset, like he might start again though he didn’t want to.

~ Roman

While she waited for Roman, Rand had set up a movie, and made him his tea the way he liked - just decaf. She had the small bowl of fruit and veggie scraps for Pipkin, but the little rabbit barely nibbled, her ears twitching with each sound. When he sat down and hugged her again, Rand hugged him back, she wasn’t worried about dinner, and neither was Pipkin. Pipkin was insistent that she get up on Roman’s chest and lay there. After a few minutes, Rand moved back against the headboard so Roman could lean against her if he wanted. She reached over and started the movie.

It was one of the Librarian movies. A puzzle to follow but also light and not overly serious. They had watched it in sickbay. This way Roman could watch if he wanted to be distracted, or zone out for awhile, or even cry some more. She kept the volume low so if he wanted to talk he didn’t have to feel like he was competing over the movie. Rand wasn’t sure what he needed, except to feel comfortable enough to allow himself to grieve. She kissed his cheek again, “I love you,” and she held onto him. Trying to give him the space he needed to … do whatever would make him feel better, or help him through it.

Rand