Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side-sim: The Reckoning

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side-sim: The Reckoning

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side-sim: The Reckoning
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
When the movie ended, Rand was reluctant to get up. Before Kelmao she never stayed all night, she left once Roman was able to sleep and then she had stayed because he was in sickbay and recovering. She stayed next to him for awhile and then a small little sigh escaped, “I…I guess…I should probably go.”

Rand

Roman looked half asleep by the time the movie ended. He was relaxed and comfortable, and he felt really sleepy, but he was trying to keep his eyes open. When she spoke, he seemed to wake back up and he looked at her, surprised. “Go? What for?” Before Kelmao, she always stayed in the chair and by the time he woke up, she was gone. She never stayed. Afterwards she’d stayed in Sickbay with him, because he was recovering. But she’d stayed after that too, and well, Roman liked it that way. Before he forgot and fell asleep, he took the heating pad off and set aside, within reach of the bed.

~ Roman

Rand hadn’t realized Roman was so close to being asleep until after she’d spoken. If she had, she would have just stayed quiet. When he asked ‘what for’ she just stared at him like he should know. Things were back to normal now, or close to it. He didn’t need help moving around anymore, or making sure he took his meds, nor was he having nightmares. It had been a couple weeks since he’d had one or had trouble falling asleep. While she was thinking all this, she got up, fidgeting with stacking the dishes from their meal in order to stop herself from wringing her hands or hiding them behind her back. Roman was familiar with those. “I…I don’t know if I’m supposed to stay. You don’t really need my help and things are mostly back to normal. And… and I never stayed before. That was normal. I never stay after you fall asleep.” Did they have a different normal now? “There is a whole different set of social rules and things I’m supposed to do if we’re living together, or not…What are we doing? If not, then when am I supposed to stay and supposed to leave?”

Rand

She got up and Roman’s arm kind of lingered where it was for a moment, because he didn’t want her to go. She was fidgeting, stacking dishes and though she wasn’t hiding her hands Roman recognized her anxiety. She was going on about what she was supposed to do again. Like she had in her quarters the other day. “When you feel like it,” he answered with a shrug. It really was that simple to him. When she said it, he guessed it was like they were living together but no, they weren’t really, were they? The only thing of hers here was that blanket she’d brought once and then had never ended up making it back. “I like it when you stay here,” he said, and then Roman gave a little sigh and looked down, he didn’t want to think about it, but.. “I… I sleep better. When you’re here. Even when I do wake up, you’re right there and.. I can sleep.”

~ Roman

That did not help Rand at all. It wasn’t Roman’s fault, he had probably never, not even once, wondered what he was supposed to do in any given situation. Her voice was really quiet, she was unstacking and restacking the dishes, again. “But when am I supposed to want to and supposed to not want to?” She was glad she helped him sleep, that she was useful, that he felt better. He liked for her to stay, and she liked staying. “I’m glad you sleep better.” It could be argued that Rand was tired of sleeping in her uniform. The idea of changing in Roman’s quarters made her all kinds of nervous that had nothing to do with her social anxiety, but at the same time she didn’t like walking the corridor in her robe, even though it was just next door. But she also knew if she left and came back she’d talk herself out of coming back because she didn’t know what she was supposed to do, go back or not. Stay all night or not. And maybe they weren’t living together, and she wasn’t sure she was ready for that anyway. There was a seriousness to the situation she didn’t know how to react to either. What she wanted to do and what she was supposed to do were not always the same thing.

Rand

Supposed to want? Of course Roman wouldn’t understand that, he was supposed to want something other than Starfleet, when he was younger. To be a doctor or a scientist on Earth, doing some boring medical research or physics maybe. Or business, something like that. Something “respectable”, because apparently Starfleet wasn’t, it was too “frivelous”. Supposed to want to marry young, too, make a family. He’d said to hell with both of those and gone his own way. He’d always wanted what he wanted, not caring what others thought of it. He’d make it work. It was part of his stubborn, determined personality. Now he wanted to be a captain, so he was doing that. It was the reason he hasn’t spoken to his family in fourteen years, because he hadn’t done what he was “supposed to”.

Rand was stacking and unstacking the dishes and her voice was quiet. Roman wanted her to be happy. And relaxed. He got up and hugged her, trying to get her to calm down. He didn’t like sleeping in his uniform either. He was used to sleeping in nothing but his underwear. But after Rand had started helping him sleep he’d started wearing pajamas at least, and now when she didn’t leave, just his uniform. It was a little awkward to change in front of her, he wasn’t sure why. “It doesn’t matter what you’re supposed to do. You’re not supposed to anything. If you’re not ready, if you want to go sleep in your own quarters, that’s okay. Or you can stay. It’s up to you, what you’re comfortable with.”

~ Roman

In the quiet, when she was alone Rand had no trouble doing what she wanted. Well maybe. She’d given up on acting, but that was for her health, right? She’d made that choice to not endanger her health over her desire to act. She wanted to be healthy more than the other? Right? No one told her she had to stop acting, no one told her to go into Star Fleet. In fact her parents had asked her not to, because of her health. Randy had tried to stop her, but she did it anyway. Maybe, if Rand was honest with herself, she made the choice for the wrong reasons, but they had been her own reasons. Social situations were just so hard. There was a give and take to interacting with people, things you should say or do depending on how they acted. That’s why she loved being a yeoman, there were clear rules for everything, right down to where she was supposed to stand in relation to the captain. Rand never had to wonder. If situation a happened then she could do 1a or 2a, both were correct. Those things didn’t impact what she chose to do with her live, just how she had to interact with people, because life, society, culture, depended on interacting with people. She couldn’t go live in a cave alone all by herself. Though she’d considered it on more than one occasion. It be easier.

Rand sighed, burried her face in his chest, let her arms circle his waist, and let him hold her. He didn’t understand, Rand didn’t understand it half the time either, and she didn’t know how to make him understand. Randy didn’t either, he just accepted it was the way she was and had learned what to watch for. What Rand wanted right then was to run away. She was making a mess of everything. She’d just wanted to let him sleep and she’d upset him. She wasn’t supposed to upset him. She was supposed to help him feel better. Rand knew Roman was trying to help, and she wished it was just that easy. She tried, she really did. She wasn’t uncomfortable staying with him, but there was a level of seriousness that she hadn’t really considered. She was horrible at ‘dating’ and had always botched things. And at this point if she went back to her quarters and Randy was there he’d know she was upset, and what if he thought Roman had been inappropriate? That would be horrible. She certainly didn’t want that to happen. All she wanted was for him to feel better, to be able to sleep. If her staying helped she would stay. She didn’t put it that way though because she had a feeling Roman would say that’s what he wanted and she should do what she wanted. “I’ll stay. I like staying.” And she did. Spending time with Roman always made her feel calm and relaxed (unless she went and did something she wasn’t supposed to, like say she was leaving and upset both of them). She liked when she woke up and he was there, and when he put his arm around her. She envied Roman and Randy their confidence, even Morgan and Scott for that matter.

Rand

The last thing Roman wanted was to feel like he guilted her by mentioning his sleep problems. So he was relieved when she said she liked staying and sounded like she meant it. It was like when she first found out about it, and he told her it was his problem to deal with. He wouldn’t want her to stay if she didn’t want to, just so he could sleep. He kept her in a tight hug and smiled. “Then why don’t we lay back down and settle in, hm?”

~ Roman