Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side-sim: The Study of Kelmao

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side-sim: The Study of Kelmao

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side-sim: The Study of Kelmao

(snip)

Roman glanced at the hypo like it was a dose of poison. He wasn’t sure it would help him. It might. It depended on what was really wrong with his leg. He wanted to deny the medicine on principle. If one did not need medication, one did not need to visit Sickbay. It was one of his ways of avoiding Sickbay, denying there was a problem. Less pain without the sleepy effects of the pain meds would be nice. He’d been trying to ignore it, as he had since his leg had started acting up, but the pain was worse now than it had been back on the ship. He didn’t want to use any if it wouldn’t be effective.

Rand watched as he didn’t take it. Fine. She was frustrated, she knew she needed the medication, and with the swelling in his leg, so did he. But she absolutely would not take it if he didn’t. Then he would think this self destructive behavior was okay, and it was not. He thought he was stubborn, he obviously hadn’t gone up against Rand yet. As long as nothing triggered her anxiety. And that was right over the nearest cliffs ledge, she could feel it. She added another icy cold strip to her foot.

Roman was wearing a pair of athletic shorts for the easier access to the injury. His scar began just below his hip, and ran down until a inch and a half or two inches above his knee, not quite on the outer side of the thigh, but not quite fully on the front of it, either. In the regular pants he wore with his uniform or jeans, the area wasn’t really accessible or visible unless the pants were removed.

Last night, it had looked exactly the same as always, but now with the swelling in the area the scar looked a bit pink. The darkened skin caused by burns surrounding the scar stretched with the swelling. The surrounding skin had turned a pinkish red from the irritation and inflammation. It looked, like Rand had said, nearly twice the normal size it should have been.

Roman suspected there had been an injury when he fell, causing the swelling, but the weakness in his leg and the majority of the pain were caused by a problem that existed before yesterday. He found himself sure it wasn’t broken. Despite the crippling pain the night before, it would have been worse if it were broken, and it would feel no better by now.

He wished she would simply take the medication herself, but like the night before, if he withheld, she appeared to plan to do the same. It was frustrating to him. He did not want to use a dose of it, but with the look of that ankle he was sure Rand wanted to. He’d met his match in stubbornness, that much was sure. If he didn’t care so much, if it were anyone else, it was a battle she’d never win. But Roman could not watch her be in pain simply because he did not like taking medications. Once again, he folded. But before he did… he couldn’t shake the feeling he needed to tell her that the pain started before yesterday.

Roman’s guilt over his dilemma had not diminished. His observations of the world around him could only take his mind off it for so long. He paused for a long moment, setting his pencil down. With the same look he’d worn earlier that morning, he checked that none of the others were within earshot with a look around the area. Then, he turned to her and blurted the words before he could talk himself out of it: “I don’t think twisting it is the problem.”

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Rand stopped the recording she was listening to and put the ear piece away and carefully put the sample back in the case. She turned carefully to look at him. She started to take his hand, hesitated, and then grabbed it anyway. “I…I thought maybe something else was wrong. I…I wasn’t sure I was supposed to ask.”

Yeoman Rand

Roman looked… ashamed, maybe. Guilty for sure. He was happy when she took his hand. The words did not want to come out, but it was time to come clean. “It’s been a problem since before the mission, before the orders even came through. If it hadn’t already been… not good, it may not have given out like it did. It twisted because it was already weak.” He looked uncomfortable, sort of like he did the first time he told her he couldn’t sleep. He shifted in his spot, partially due to pain, partially out of his discomfort with the situation.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“I know you hate sickbay, and on the ship you can get away with just dealing with it. I understand why you didn’t say anything.” She laced her fingers with his. She breathed in slowly trying to decide how or what she should say. “We don’t have that luxury here. And just the two of us here, pain meds are dangerous and have to be used sparingly.” She was trying to remember all those tests she helped Randy study for. “Pain can make us just as tired and muddle-headed as pain medication. We can’t afford to be a liability. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves correctly.”

“Do you know what anti-inflammatories are for?” It was a rhetorical question, of course he did. She knew there was a very good chance she was going to cross a line, make him upset, or worse - make him angry with her. But it had to be said. Better her than the team. Better him reluctantly set the example and the team trust him to make the right decision, even if he didn’t want to. “To calm parts of the body that are inflamed or swollen. They may not kill the pain, but they reduce the swelling so the body can heal itself. Then we are back on our feet faster.”

Yeoman Rand

“Pain meds always muddle my head more than the pain,” Roman argued stubbornly. His voice was calm as always, but that was what he hated most about them. He always felt so out of it on them. He didn’t particularly like taking any medication unless he had to, and after his avoidance of Sickbay had started, it had become near impossible to convince him he had to. He had yet to replace his cold treatments. He removed the warm strip of cloth and added a new, cold one. The feeling of cold was uncomfortable, but brought some amount of relief.

Rand didn’t look at him. “I’m not suggesting you take pain meds. That would be foolish.” She shrugged then, it was a frustrated and angry movement, though Roman may not realize that. He’d never actually seen her frustrated or angry. She looked out at the life that was showing itself more frequently and shook her head. “You know, my job, Cmdr, is to make sure you can do yours. If that swelling doesn’t go down, you won’t be going to investigate anything on this planet. Franks will quote and enforce every rule and regulation at you, and despite my more extensive knowledge, if you don’t give me something to work with, I can’t stop him.” And there it was, she would bend the rules for him, because it was Roman. And she shouldn’t. She would help him convince Franks to let him go out and do the work he loved more than anything else, knowing it was most likely going to put them all at risk. Because she wanted him to do what he loved, rather than what was safe. Let him do what he would never allow another officer to do.

Roman knew she absolutely shouldn’t do that. Help him convince Franks to let him go. He shouldn’t try to convince Franks to let him go. He seemed to realize now that his past mistakes made him investigating this planet an impossibility. He could barely walk, whoever he went with would be more focused on helping and protecting him than safety. He didn’t catch on that she was angry until she called him ‘Commander’. Her tone was tight and frustrated. It made him look up at her in surprise.

He was looking at her, listening to what she had to say. It was obvious she had upset him, mostly because he felt cornered in a way. He averted his gaze uncomfortably. “I… I know.” He squeezed her hand slightly. “I’ll take it.”

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She squeezed his hand and then let go with a shrug. He could take it or not, what did it matter? Gods she felt stupid. Her voice was barely a whisper, (maybe incase someone came back, maybe nerves, maybe she was just talking to herself) she wrung her hands in her lap for a moment. “You know, if you had told me on the ship I would have tried to help.” Instead he hadn’t been sleeping and she’d assumed it was the memories bothering him again. She didn’t ask, because he was talking to Randy so she didn’t push. She offered him any combination of freakin’ teas to help him sleep. When that didn’t work she’d suggested going running, or the gym, physical exhaustion, and he WENT. Only making the problem worse. Good for him, he hid his little secret and made her look like an insensitive moron.

If he hadn’t gone, she would’ve known. It wasn’t her fault. It was his own weird problems and hang ups, and she hadn’t known because he hadn’t told her. He’d quit practicing martial arts at the first sign of trouble. That much activity probably would’ve caused a problem a lot sooner. But he… he’d let this ridiculous fear of Sickbay get out of control. He liked to call it anything but a fear but that’s what it had become.

Roman had gotten it in his mind that if he told her, she’d make him get it looked at. And he couldn’t go to Sickbay. Not for that. He could’ve talked to Randy about it, but he hadn’t. After all, why mention something that wasn’t a fear? Even though secretly, it was. He’d felt that his only choice was to keep it to himself. He didn’t think it would cause a problem. It never had, not in three years. He could see now the mistakes in his way of thinking. “I’m sorry.”

Rand heard him but she didn’t say anything. She just nodded. The thing was, was he really sorry? Or more what was he sorry for? He as going to keep hiding things, making his own decisions and keeping his own secrets. She’d thought…and a sick sharp feeling ran across her nerves…she’d thought, at least about sickbay, they were able to help each other, be honest. But in the end, Rand wasn’t even sure, now, with everything else between them, she wasn’t even his friend. Roman didn’t allow himself friends. She felt ill.

She would have kept his secret, didn’t he know that? But now..now he’d forced her hand. He’d known he wasn’t as physically fit for this mission as he should have been, and he kept it to himself. He should have left Morgan with her. Morgan was trained in search and rescue, but he’d stayed instead. At the time it had made sense, personally and professionally. Now she saw the mistakes he’d made. He’d never forgive her. Her nerves fired painfully across her chest and down her arms, making them twitch slightly.

The data disk she had was full, she yanked it out, and putting her left foot under her she pushed herself to standing against the outside cave wall. Her gaze landed near the river. “Looks like you have something to watch after all.” Coming out of the water, was a very large animal, almost like a bear with rams horns, but instead of on the side of it’s head they were on top. She hobbled into the cave looking for her pack.

Yeoman Rand

Roman wished he had somewhere else to go. His quarters. His lab on the ship. Somewhere that made him feel better. He didn’t know what to say to Rand to make her less angry with him. He felt like an idiot. His leg hurt, enough to draw his attention back to it but he did nothing to stop it. Another mistake, but he just wished he could go back in time and tell her sooner. Then he probably wouldn’t be in this mess anyway. Why hadn’t he said anything? His reasons seemed stupid now.

She left him alone out there after pointing out the bear like creature, and he took a picture for the sake of his job. But even the sight of such an interesting thing did not cheer him up. He wrote a few quick observations. Then he put his head in his hands. What an idiot he was. He couldn’t stop thinking it. He didn’t try to stop her leaving, she probably needed time to cool off.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

The animal lumbered onto the bank and seemed to want to head for the woods before it stopped and sniffed the ground and stayed close to the water’s edge. It even came farther upstream allowing Alden a closer look at it.

Rand was gone for several minutes. She’d straightened and cleaned as best she could. She didn’t want to waste too much water cleaning pots and cups. They had been outside for several hours now and it was getting darker. They would get a good look at the nocturnal life soon. She hoped. She returned and set a thermos of black tea down for him. “We’ll be up for awhile.” was all she said.

She had misunderstood so much. She never knew what was expected of her, or how to answer or react. It made her nervous and edgy and she messed things up. She’d really messed up now, hadn’t she? She slipped slowly down to sit again. Looking at the creature, “What will you name it?” Apparently work was the only thing they could honestly discuss between them. Rand had allowed the lines to blur too much and she’d only confused herself. It wasn’t Roman’s fault, it was hers. She didn’t....she just messed up.

Yeoman Rand