Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Sleepless Indulgence

(snip)

“You learn focus, discipline. And of course, old and unique fighting styles, depending on which martial art you choose to study. I am proficient in jiu jitsu.” He paused for a moment, and then said, “My classes came to be my favorite, besides science, of course.” School and classes was usually an okay topic. Sometimes he’d carefully avoid something, trying to avoid the memories that made him sad. But he wanted to help Rand, and if she wanted him to tell his own story, then he would find one he could tell.

~ Roman

The corners of her eyes crinkled a bit. “I didn’t think anything could compete with science.” Focus and discipline, those traits certainly served him well in his career. What if she had learned to be more assertive? What if she had more self discipline? Especially then, so she could have made the director listen? Walked out, stood up for herself? But if she could have done that she wouldn’t have needed to leave would she? She wouldn’t be here, hiding from the galaxy as a yeoman. That wasn’t so bad though, she liked what she was doing. She’d met Roman. But that wasn’t because of her, it was the doctors. They saved her and her ‘broken heart’, and her anxiety and what-ifs spiralled. She closed her eyes briefly as the terrifying moments returned, her face going pale a moment.

“Anyone who has only one interest is doomed to failure,” replied Roman simply. Her face paled and he got the the feeling distracting her from her thoughts wasn’t working. He was starting to get the idea of what it was like to be her on his bad nights. “It was somewhere to be away from home. I grew to like it quickly.”

Rand of course didn’t give herself any credit. She had self-discipline to spare. Only those that really knew her, knew how much she struggled and knew what to look for. “Why jiu jitsu?” She wanted to elaborate, did he choose it or was it all that was offered. If he chose it, why, why did he like it. Why was it almost as enjoyed as science? But she felt like she couldn’t breathe making her voice strained. She could of course breathe, that was the anxiety making her feel like that. Or maybe this time it was the memory of pain and struggling to really breathe. Either way she just wanted to stop thinking about it.

Rand

Her voice sounded strained. He must’ve been right, this wasn’t working very well. Not yet. “Karate and judo are more sport than anything, and you can’t study krav maga as a child. So, Jay and I settled on the next most useful in the real world, the one most applicable in non-sport settings.” He paused a moment on Jay’s name, but he seemed to be getting more comfortable mentioning him in passing. That look on his face he got when Jay was concerned was less noticeable than usual.

“My parents were pleased I was showing more interest in extracurriculars, padding my future resume.” That part sounded more forced, but he continued anyway, “So it worked out for both of us.” The lessons were once a week, thursdays, with competitions on Saturdays.

Stay away from home? Padding his future resume? He sounded strained when he mentioned his parents. Now that she thought about it, he always sounded that way if he mentioned his parents, which was once. She didn’t ask though because he was talking, and he actually managed to mention Jay with fondness rather than sorrow.

“I was eligible for the competitions after six months of lessons, at the most beginner level, and once we started those, we both only became more interested in it. It wasn’t just ‘to prepare for our future careers’ anymore, we enjoyed it for the sport of it. We wanted to win. And we practiced against each other regularly.” In fact, they never stopped trying to win against each other. Painful memories were brought to the surface by the story, but he tried not to show it. He wanted to help take her mind off her own problems, not worry her further.

~ Roman

Rand listened finding his voice and his presence soothing. Her eyes remained closed as she leaned back in the chair. She tried to remember to breathe slowly as she listened. She could see a very young Roman competing. Rand had often competed with Randy, she surmised it might be the same for Roman and Jay. “Who won? At the first competition? What happened?” She was genuinely curious and because she wasn’t looking at him she didn’t notice how it bothered him, not right away.

Rand

“I did. But he had a month long winning streak after that,” Roman answered her question. “When I was young, I was actually rather a small boy, and I didn’t get bigger until my teen years, so at that age, seven at the time, we were roughly the same size, and after I won the first match, he spent all week practicing so he could show me up.” He continued the story, telling her how he won their first match, and then how, the next week, he got his backside whooped in revenge, a humiliating defeat.

They were like siblings, the competition was always friendly, but it was fierce. They were always one-upping each other, challenging each other to be better. In jiu jitsu, yes, but also in academics, and in life in general. It was then Roman realized how much he missed that. The friendly competition, rather than the toxic rivalry he’d had with his actual, biological brother. But that part he kept to himself.

~ Roman

Rand found if she simply listened without thinking about all the things that might be connected to his story she could enjoy being there with him rather than letting her own thoughts spiral. Once in awhile her mind would spin but it wasn’t as much. She liked the sound of his voice and she wasn’t aware that her body was drifting off. She was just letting herself listen to him. “I bet the other competitors dreaded having to face either of you. Probably made it harder on them if they beat one of you and then had to fight the other.” She finished the tea, not having realized it was almost gone. She set the the cup on the desk, folding her hands into her lap. “How did you finally stop his month long streak?” Her voice sounded tired but without the tension this time.

Rand