Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in Side sim: The Nightly Chats

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Side sim: The Nightly Chats

(snip)

Rand squeezed his hand, in both of hers. “I am so sorry, Roman, that you lost your friend. He must have been a really incredible person.” She was absolutely sure of that. She couldn’t imagine Alden being friends with someone who wasn’t truly remarkable. She spoke carefully, she wasn’t trying to pry or push, but just offer, if he wanted.
“Do…do you want to tell me about him?”

Yeoman Rand

Describing Jay seemed an impossible task and so Roman shook his head slowly. “He was closer to me than my own brothers,” he said, and that was it. He seemed more upset than ever, his only comfort Rand’s closeness. It did not escape his notice that Rand used his first name, not his rank or his last name, to refer to him, and despite his emotional upset, it lit an inexplicable spark of warmth to hear her say it.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Rand nodded. She thought it might be good for him to talk about his friend, about the good memories instead of his loss, but Rand also understood he might not be ready yet. Not knowing what else to do she hugged him again. She could not imagine loosing Randy, ever, but to loose him like that. She was sure she would never get over it either.

After a moment, squeezing his hand she reached for his mug and handed him the still hot Scottish coffee. She took his hands and wrapped them around the warmed mug, then with a final, for the moment, squeeze she picked up her own and sipped it. There were no words she could give, and she had a feeling silence and space to breathe would help most in that moment.

Yeoman Rand

Roman sipped the coffee once it was given to him in silence. In a way, he felt better having told someone after three years, but at the same time, it brought the whole thing to the surface as if it had just happened and all he wanted to do was curl up and cry, as undignified as that would be. He hadn’t really been close to anyone since then, and he’d suspected for a while that his friendship with Rand might be the reason for the worsening of the flashbacks. But he wasn’t going to tell her so. The last thing he wanted was her to leave or start avoiding him again. “Thank you… for listening, Rand,” he said at last, taking another drink of his coffee.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

She wanted to smile at him and tell him it was okay, that she was glad he felt he could tell her. But in the heaviness of the room the last thing Roman…Alden needed was signs of blatant happiness, though it wouldn’t be meant that way. Could she say she was glad he hadn’t left Star Fleet? Because she would never have met him if he had. Or was the insensitive. Could she tell him that she wished that had never happened to him and Jay, even if it meant she would never have met him? And where did that thought come from?

She understood now, why they weren’t friends. He was afraid. He had lost so much. His best friend, his brother really, officers who served with him and under him. And his animals. He didn’t say it but Rand could easily come to that conclusion. He said his entire lab was destroyed, everything lost, and that meant his animals. Alden cared about his animals, even liked them. It explained why he didn’t let anyone work with them…but he let her…and that was a confusing thought for later.

His animals, his research notes, everything had been lost. He knew, at least in passing, nearly everyone who died then, and could be considered friends or had worked directly with several of them. He’d been a lot further along in that project than his project on Aldaria III, and Rand knew how he felt about his work. Not to mention that it was a joint project. If his notes were out there somewhere, she’d find them under two names: Roman Alden and Jay Caliano. He’d considered leaving Starfleet, but honestly, he had no idea what else he’d do with himself, and Jay would have wanted him to stay. So he did.

That was why he could allow her to support him with work. It was her job was to support the command staff, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t let her be his friend. Her heart aches and there was a gnawing in her stomach. All this time she kept telling him it was no problem, it’s what friends do for each other…and she had only been making it worse.

“I am always willing to listen, any time. It doesn’t matter, really.” She squeezed his hand again, not realizing she’d hardly let go of it the whole time. But she didn’t use the dreaded word ‘friend’. And she wouldn’t avoid him or change how she acted towards him. He might not want a friend, but he needed one.

Yeoman Rand

Roman appreciated that. Probably more than Rand knew. He’d likely still show up at her door at night. As helpful as their talk as been, he didn’t see it solving the problem. The next question was also hard to ask. “I’ve been considering your advice. To talk to your brother.” He stated instead. At least he breeched the topic.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Rand didn’t say anything at first, instead thoughtfully sipping the coffee. She was going to have to opt for the tea tomorrow or the next night. She wasn’t used to drinking Scottish Coffee every night. Her head tipped to the side, considering. “I know Randy is…excentric. He’s very good at what he does. When he was getting his degree he did his residency at the Veteran’s hospital. You can look up his credentials.” She paused because she knew Randy was excellent at his job, she wasn’t just biased, he really was. And she wanted Roman to feel comfortable and assured of the decision. “Plus you know Randy doesn’t beat about the bush.” She sipped the coffee glancing at him over the rim.

Yeoman Rand

Roman’s coffee was nearly empty, he’d essentially chugged it. Normally, he drank them much slower. “No, he doesn’t.” He agreed. When Randy was his yeoman, they frequently butted heads, especially when Randy twisted his arm into finishing duties he was avoiding. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Randy, he thought very highly of Randy’s abilities and his professionalism. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t want to ask Randy for help, besides that he was always taught not to ask anyone.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO