Posted by Lieutenant Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Side sim: The Nightly Chats

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in Side sim: The Nightly Chats

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Side sim: The Nightly Chats
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Rand had learned a little about him, mostly little details. She already knew he’d attended boarding school. He had a golden lab called Alfie who died when he was 12. The dog was only 8 - Roman left out the part where the dog died because instead of getting a vet when he fell ill, his father simply shot him. That he had three siblings, two older and one younger - but he never mentioned their names or ages or anything about them now. That he’d played the violin since he was pretty small, just four years old. He mentioned a nanny by the name of Bonnie a lot, never his actual parents.

Whenever she spoke of herself Roman listened intently, occasionally saying something but if she ever asked a question about his family or his schooling he’d evade it. He told her he joined the academy at sixteen, but that was all the information about that she’d managed to get out of him. Sometimes when he did share something, he’d get a pained a look and rub his right leg, and Rand would likely be able to tell he was holding something back.

The second night he started with rubbing at his leg, a small container of a muscle salve was left with his cleaned and pressed uniforms. It wouldn’t heal what was wrong but it might ease the ache. Rand began pillfering and scouring Randy’s psychiatry texts. Rand was a good student, she was intelligent, she understood what she was reading. However, she lacked the years of study and experience that were needed to actually make a plan. Alden had good days and bad days. Mostly the reports were correct, sometimes needed corrections. Now instead of just fixing them she gave them back, quietly and without notice, hoping it would push him into acting rather than reacting to whatever was bothering him.

Rand anticipated their nightly chats with both enjoyment and heartbreak. She enjoyed spending the time with him and talking and getting to know him, the little he would allow, and also dreaded the nights were he refused to speak, haunted by whatever it was that he wouldn’t say.

That night, after she shared her story about her first panic attack (to which Roman listened intently and mentioned he was glad it worked out the way it did, because that way they worked together - a statement which probably would’ve never made it out if it weren’t for Scottish coffee), he looked as if he wanted to share something, but instead he looked away and if Rand were paying close attention, she might notice that he was trying to keep her from noticing his eyes well up. He was trying not to cry.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Rand wasn’t sure what he meant by that. Her anxiety and fear was a constant battle that she wished she didn’t have to fight every day. She understood the sentiment though that one event can totally change the course of your life. But if it wasn’t her there would be a different yeoman assigned to the ship. He would still have someone to help with the reports and get his tea every morning. If she wasn’t there, it wouldn’t make much of a difference, but she appreciated the kind words.

But it wouldn’t have been her and that’s what Roman meant, because she was so brilliant he was convinced she’d have been anything else if it were for her anxiety. And whatever she may have picked, she’d be great at it. He wouldn’t swap her for any other yeoman in the world.

Oh but Rand noticed the tears, she seemed to notice everything about him, but she didn’t comment. Her grandfather told her once, “Sorrow is like a precious treasure shown only to friends.” Rand understood they weren’t friends, no matter how hard she tried. But the most she could hope was for friendly co-workers and that wasn’t quite what Alden needed. She’d not noticed anyone he was really friendly with on board. And so she came every night, wishing she could do more, wondering what she needed to say to actually help him. But every time she tried, he just changed the subject.

Roman had never said, he didn’t always realize it needed saying, but he did consider her a friend. In fact, she was the only person he considered a friend. If he didn’t, she wouldn’t be there, and by now he might’ve been thrown off the ship or something for being unfit. He was quietly deeply thankful for everything she did.

The days continued mostly to status quo, until there was a noticeable drop in productivity. And it happened, some times it was hard to stay at 100% on a star ship. There was plenty to see and discover and study, but there were also days some times weeks were there was not enough to keep everyone busy. But this wasn’t the case. Finally Rand didn’t have a choice anymore. She didn’t wait for Alden to summon her for his coffee. Tray in hand along with all the reports. Oh he’d corrected them on his own, after she returned them, but it was to show him, it wasn’t getting better. He was a brilliant, hard working, scientist, a devoted officer, and a thoughtful and caring man. Rand’s stomach twisted and churned, her heart raced, and a deep breath did not settle the nerves running wild up and down her arms. She pressed the chime.

Yeoman Rand

The chime rang, earlier than usual and Roman assumed it wasn’t Rand, he usually went to her. When he came to the door and it was indeed her, he was somewhat surprised. And then he noticed her expression, unsettled and nervous, a tray in hand with some reports. “Come in,” he said, stepping out of the way to let her into the room.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Rand set the tray down and just stood there not looking at him. Again she just handed him the two stacks. Her voice was barely above a whisper, “These aren’t the problem, they’re a symptom of the problem.” Rand glanced at him, silently begging him to say something. Something that would help the two of them help him. It never occurred to her, but she was risking her own career by letting this continue. She wanted to help him, but he wasn’t letting her.

Yeoman Rand

One sentence. One sentence worse than a death by a thousand razor blades, forcing him to look at a problem which he avoided more fervently than anything else on in the universe. It wasn’t the sort of thing Roman could physically run from but that’s what he desperately wanted to do. To be anywhere else, anywhen else. He knew what she wanted him to do, in fact that note she’d written was still there, in his back pocket, awaiting an answer. A decision.

He’d put it off too long and his decision would be made for him if he didn’t do something. But Roman wasn’t sure he could do something. He supposed, if he couldn’t, then his career would promptly be over, and he’d have nothing left.

These thoughts were on his mind during the proceeding several minutes of silence, Rand standing next to him, waiting for him to do what he knew he should do. The words, as he tried to force them out, felt forbidden, impossible to actually speak, as if an ancient curse held his tongue still. In a soft tone resembling utter defeat, he finally said, “It hasn’t been like this since it happened.”

He’d never accepted help, not for anything and especially not for this. He simply didn’t trust anybody enough. He preferred to keep everything private, so private. But Rand… her presence was comforting, as it always was, and it made it easier in a way. And with his wavering words came the tears he’d tried so hard not to show.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Instinct and a caring soul is what decided Rand’s actions. It wouldn’t be until much much later that she’d have time to stress over what she’d done and whether she should have or not. She took the reports out of his hand, setting them haphazardly somewhere. Rand reached out and took his hand tugging him over to the bed and she sat down on the edge of the bed. And then she hugged him, simply because he looked like he needed it.

Rand knew that it was important, bad, horrible, heart breaking whatever it was. Alden was always so stoic and stead fast, nothing ever seemed to phase him. This did though, whatever this was. She sat next to him like that for a long time, one arm hugging him, the other squeezed his hand gently, waiting for him to talk. But it was just silence. Finally, softly, maybe he just needed to know she was willing to listen, “What happened?”

Yeoman Rand