Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in Side sim: The Nightly Chats

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in Side sim: The Nightly Chats

The next few days Roman’s performance was more like normal - save for the occasional fixable error. But four nights later, at 0130, Roman was awake again. He’d tried the tea, he’d tried music, he’d tried an audiobook, anything and everything he could think of but there he was. Frustrated and unable to sleep.

There was a note in his hand. It was somewhat crinkled after four days in his pocket and on his nightstand, but still very legible. He unfolded and read it, again. And then, throwing on an undershirt and shorts, he left his quarters and knocked softly on Rand’s door, note in hand. If she didn’t answer, he’d just go back to his own quarters. If she did, well, she was serious with the offer in the note, he was sure. That she’d make the coffee. He just hoped he wasn’t waking her.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Rand was asleep, but she was, now, used to waking up at the drop of a hat. She heard the soft knock and had a feeling she knew who it was because Rogers would use the comm. She slipped a robe on over her cotton flannel pajamas and walked over slipping out the door so as not to wake Randy up.

She looked up at Alden as she stepped into the corridor. “Want tea or coffee?”

Rand

“Coffee,” he opted. “I hope I haven’t woken you up.” It was the first bad night since the last time they’d spoken late like this, and, not wanting a repeat of the previous week, had decided to get Rand instead of just not sleep all night.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

“Not at all. I was reading,” she lied but she knew he wouldn’t ask again if he thought he’d woken her up. Rand nodded, “Give me 7 minutes. I’ll be right there.” She went back into her quarters to quietly make the Scottish coffee. Luckily she and Randy were used to each other moving around and didn’t wake up to the soft movement and sounds.

A few minutes later Rand knocked softly at his door, holding a mug for each of them.

Rand

Roman opened the door for her right away, and offered her what was becoming her usual seat by his computer station. It was really the only place to sit besides on his bed. “I don’t want to keep you up but I couldn’t sleep and.. maybe you could help.” He said after a short silence.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Rand sat in the chair, sipping the coffee. Hers having less whisky than his. “I am happy to help.” They talked for a long time, nothing ever being said. And yet another story about a young Rand and her misadventures with the wild creatures around her home.

Rand

As he began to get sleepy, he handed her the empty mug and said good night, and shortly after he was asleep.

The next day he asked her to make the citrus tea after lunch and spent his afternoon doing anything that kept him more awake than paperwork. He’d tried to finish all the necessary paperwork in the morning.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Rand continued to make the citrus tea and the coffee each night. It wasn’t helping, much. Or she felt like she wasn’t helping. She tried not to pry, she tried to say it was just the job. He wanted coffee middle of the night it was her job and she stayed up because there was no point in going back to bed if he just called again a few minutes later. But Rand cared and the longer it went on the more haunted Alden looked. Whatever it was bothering him…she wanted to help, she wanted him to feel better, she wanted him to stop hurting. It was obvious he was.

It was helping, Roman was sleeping more than he used to. Some nights he looks absolutely miserable, and they talked for a long time, others, he seemed mostly okay, and they spent a shorter time together. Some nights he looked purely haunted and those nights he wasn’t much into talking at all - he’d instead just listen to her, silently.

And that pushed her to share more about herself to him than she had to anyone not family. The conversations were always one sided, Rand giving of her story and Alden clamming up. That night she told him about the first time she ever had a panic attack…something even Randy didn’t know.

Rand

Rand had learned a little about him, mostly little details. She already knew he’d attended boarding school. He had a golden lab called Alfie who died when he was 12. The dog was only 8 - Roman left out the part where the dog died because instead of getting a vet when he fell ill, his father simply shot him. That he had three siblings, two older and one younger - but he never mentioned their names or ages or anything about them now. That he’d played the violin since he was pretty small, just four years old. He mentioned a nanny by the name of Bonnie a lot, never his actual parents.

Whenever she spoke of herself Roman listened intently, occasionally saying something but if she ever asked a question about his family or his schooling he’d evade it. He told her he joined the academy at sixteen, but that was all the information about that she’d managed to get out of him. Sometimes when he did share something, he’d get a pained a look and rub his right leg, and Rand would likely be able to tell he was holding something back.

The second night he started with rubbing at his leg, a small container of a muscle salve was left with his cleaned and pressed uniforms. It wouldn’t heal what was wrong but it might ease the ache. Rand began pillfering and scouring Randy’s psychiatry texts. Rand was a good student, she was intelligent, she understood what she was reading. However, she lacked the years of study and experience that were needed to actually make a plan. Alden had good days and bad days. Mostly the reports were correct, sometimes needed corrections. Now instead of just fixing them she gave them back, quietly and without notice, hoping it would push him into acting rather than reacting to whatever was bothering him.

Rand anticipated their nightly chats with both enjoyment and heartbreak. She enjoyed spending the time with him and talking and getting to know him, the little he would allow, and also dreaded the nights were he refused to speak, haunted by whatever it was that he wouldn’t say.

That night, after she shared her story about her first panic attack (to which Roman listened intently and mentioned he was glad it worked out the way it did, because that way they worked together - a statement which probably would’ve never made it out if it weren’t for Scottish coffee), he looked as if he wanted to share something, but instead he looked away and if Rand were paying close attention, she might notice that he was trying to keep her from noticing his eyes well up. He was trying not to cry.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO

Rand wasn’t sure what he meant by that. Her anxiety and fear was a constant battle that she wished she didn’t have to fight every day. She understood the sentiment though that one event can totally change the course of your life. But if it wasn’t her there would be a different yeoman assigned to the ship. He would still have someone to help with the reports and get his tea every morning. If she wasn’t there, it wouldn’t make much of a difference, but she appreciated the kind words.

But it wouldn’t have been her and that’s what Roman meant, because she was so brilliant he was convinced she’d have been anything else if it were for her anxiety. And whatever she may have picked, she’d be great at it. He wouldn’t swap her for any other yeoman in the world.

Oh but Rand noticed the tears, she seemed to notice everything about him, but she didn’t comment. Her grandfather told her once, “Sorrow is like a precious treasure shown only to friends.” Rand understood they weren’t friends, no matter how hard she tried. But the most she could hope was for friendly co-workers and that wasn’t quite what Alden needed. She’d not noticed anyone he was really friendly with on board. And so she came every night, wishing she could do more, wondering what she needed to say to actually help him. But every time she tried, he just changed the subject.

Roman had never said, he didn’t always realize it needed saying, but he did consider her a friend. In fact, she was the only person he considered a friend. If he didn’t, she wouldn’t be there, and by now he might’ve been thrown off the ship or something for being unfit. He was quietly deeply thankful for everything she did.

The days continued mostly to status quo, until there was a noticeable drop in productivity. And it happened, some times it was hard to stay at 100% on a star ship. There was plenty to see and discover and study, but there were also days some times weeks were there was not enough to keep everyone busy. But this wasn’t the case. Finally Rand didn’t have a choice anymore. She didn’t wait for Alden to summon her for his coffee. Tray in hand along with all the reports. Oh he’d corrected them on his own, after she returned them, but it was to show him, it wasn’t getting better. He was a brilliant, hard working, scientist, a devoted officer, and a thoughtful and caring man. Rand’s stomach twisted and churned, her heart raced, and a deep breath did not settle the nerves running wild up and down her arms. She pressed the chime.

Yeoman Rand

The chime rang, earlier than usual and Roman assumed it wasn’t Rand, he usually went to her. When he came to the door and it was indeed her, he was somewhat surprised. And then he noticed her expression, unsettled and nervous, a tray in hand with some reports. “Come in,” he said, stepping out of the way to let her into the room.

~ Lt Cmdr Alden, XO/CSO