Posted by Lieutenant Sheleah Ruby (Diplomatic Officer / CNS) in Battles of the Mind [tag Counselor]

Posted by Ensign Jhalae Ynuchausti (Acting Chief Engineer) in Battles of the Mind [tag Counselor]

Posted by Lieutenant Sheleah Ruby (Diplomatic Officer / CNS) in Battles of the Mind [tag Counselor]
Posted by… suppressed (5) by the Post Ghost! 👻
The sounds of the engines seemed to taunt her, a constant reminder of the vast knowledge she still lacked as the ship’s chief engineer. Imposter syndrome, that insidious foe, had taken root in her mind, steadily gnawing at her self-confidence with each passing day.
One day, amidst her routine engineering duties, the anxiety that had been brewing reached a boiling point. Jhalae found her heart pounding in her chest. She couldn’t be sure at the moment but it felt as if it would break through her chest. Abandoning her tools, she quickly made her way through the ship’s corridors, her thoughts were all over the place.

She approached the counselor’s office, a place she never envisioned needing to visit again. Breathless she pounded on it relentlessly. “Counselor! Are you in? I need to talk to you!” Her voice echoed with a desperation she hadn’t anticipated, revealing the depth of her turmoil.

Ynuchausti, CE

When the pounding on the door began, Rex ears immediately perked. Shalaya was startled out of reviewing some notes she had taken earlier that day and immediately began wondering what all the noise was about. Certainly, somebody seemed to be in quite a bit of distress.

“Yes, yes come right in.”

Sheleah stood up and began walking towards the door uncertain of what she would find but certain it needed to be found quickly.

• Sheleah, CNS/DO

Jhalae burst into the counselor’s office, her eyes wide with a mix of panic and vulnerability. “Counselor, by the feast of the three Orion moons I am so glad you are here! I… I can’t shake this feeling, like I’m not cut out for this. What I I can’t keep up the ship as the Chief Engineer? The ship, the engines, everything—it’s overwhelming. I don’t know how to silence the doubt. Help me, please,” she pleaded, her usual confidence shattered by the weight of her insecurities.

Ynuchausti

Sheleah instantly knew that this was definitely more than workplace jitters or that feeling you get when you’re starting a new job. She directed Jhalae to The comfy chair, we were not playing around here folks.

“Okay, I want you to try and take some deep breaths. Center yourself here, you’re with me and Rex in the counseling office engineering is where engineering belongs for the moment. Try and tell me what happened from the beginning take it as slow as you need to and stop as often as you need to.”

Sheleah had sat down in a chair next to her. She lowered the lights and began several programs. First, a music program begin playing in the background. Her chimes also begin ringing softly and tea began making thanks to the ever-present replicator. This was all done on a pad with a few taps. No need to get up with the use of modern technology was there?

• Sheleah, CNS/DO

Jhalae took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. The soothing ambiance of the music, the smell of the tea, and the gentle chimes helped to calm her racing thoughts.

“I… I don’t know where to start. It’s just everything, you know? The ship, the engines, the crew relying on me. I thought I was ready for this, but every decision feels like a weight on my shoulders. What if I mess up and put everyone in danger? What if I can’t fix a critical issue in time?” She fidgeted in the chair, her hands restless, and small tears began to form in the corners of her eyes.

Ynuchausti, CE

“Well it’s true you are the chief engineer, you have a team of people that surround and support you. They are there to assist you in every decision you make and even question your decisions if they feel they need to be questioned. You would not have been chosen for this position if the people involved in making those choices didn’t feel you could deal with any eventuality. Starfleet is rife with eventualities, but you wouldn’t be here if you couldn’t face them. When did you notice this starting, was there an event that caused this feeling to begin?”

Sheleah had begun recording and taking discrete notes while Rex began moving about the room a little uncertain of whether to go try and sit on this person’s lap or not. He had noticed that some people thought he was very comforting.

• Sheleah, CNS/DO

Jhalae wiped away a tear, grateful for Sheleah’s reassurance. She took another sip of the soothing tea before opening up about the burden on her shoulders.

“I… It began with that minor malfunction in the warp core last week. It was a small issue, but the weight of responsibility hit me. I started to worry, what if something happens and I can’t handle it? I couldn’t shake the thought that a tiny oversight could lead to a catastrophic failure. Then, while testing the shuttles, their systems glitched. I couldn’t help but feel responsible. What if I hadn’t tested the shuttle? I only did it because I was bored but if I hadn’t, what someone had used it, like an away team for a mission? What could have happened? It’s like every creak and hum of the ship is a constant reminder of the potential for disaster.”

She glanced at Rex, managing a small smile. She hoped he would come close, providing his comforting presence as a much-needed distraction from her overwhelming thoughts.

“I know I have a team, but what if they’re relying on the wrong person? What if I’m not cut out for this?” Jhalae admitted, vulnerability coloring her voice.

Ynuchausti, CE

Rex had it around Jhalae’s chair several times before carefully making a leap onto her lap. For a rather large attempt at house cat, he didn’t disturb a drop of her tea.

“Unfortunately, warp core malfunctions minor or major are something engineers deal with on a very frequent basis whether they like to admit it or not. I’m certain that if you look into the logs of your predecessors you’ll find a litany of war core complaints. I’m very glad that you checked into that shuttle. I think anybody who was in it after you is glad that you did also. Your intuition is a very good thing and it is something that is never going to be in any textbook. Every creek, every grown, it is what will make you an amazing engineer and we’ll make you a part of the ship as much as the ship will be a part of you. These are growing pains and I think you and the Saran are growing into one another very nicely. Unfortunately, growing pains hurt sometime.”

• Sheleah, CNS/DO

Jhalae sighed, the weight of Sheleah’s words sinking in. As Rex settled on her lap, she found a momentary distraction from her doubts.

“I appreciate your perspective, Counselor. It’s just hard not to question my capabilities, especially when the safety of the entire crew is at stake. The thought of previous engineers facing similar challenges somehow doesn’t ease my concerns; if anything, it emphasizes the gravity of the responsibility,” Jhalae admitted, running her fingers through Rex’s fur absentmindedly.

She took another sip of her tea, and hummed the tune music for a few moments while contemplating the idea of intuition as an asset. “Intuition might not be in the textbooks, but can it really guide a starship safely through the vast unknown? I’m learning on the job, and the consequences of any misstep could be disastrous,” she continued, her voice tinged with concern.

Jhalae gave Rex a small, grateful smile before refocusing on the conversation.

“I suppose you’re right about growing pains. It’s just challenging to see beyond the immediate struggles. I want to be the engineer the Saracen needs, but the fear of failure looms. It interrupts my sleep,” she confessed, the vulnerability in her voice exposing the internal battle between doubt and determination. I don’t know. What is your recommendation. Do you think I should resign and commit to more training?”

Ensign Jhalae Ynuchausti
(Acting Chief Engineer)