Posted by Lieutenant Alexandra “Little Sehlat” Primage (Pilot. Grn Squad Ldr) in Pre Sim - Trying to find herself again (CNS)

Posted by Lieutenant Trevor Michaels (Counselor) in Pre Sim - Trying to find herself again (CNS)

Posted by Lieutenant Alexandra “Little Sehlat” Primage (Pilot. Grn Squad Ldr) in Pre Sim - Trying to find herself again (CNS)
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

SNIP

Xandra imagined how that conversation would go. How does one ‘get over’ nearly being strangled to death by their lover? Or, for that matter, how does one get over doing the strangling. The thought left her exhaling a short laugh. “Oh yea… I’m sure he’ll love that conversation.” The sarcasm dripping in her response wasn’t even attempted to be hid.

Standing up and pacing, unable to remain seated, Xandra took a dozen steps around the room. “How do you start a conversation like that? Sorry, sweetheart. I know I tried to kill you but I honestly didn’t mean it. I can’t even say that I promise it won’t happen again? I mean, cause it has. Happened before. Granted, last time I just tried to slam my own fighter into the ground and not hurt anyone else. But still.” She paused, hands resting on the back of the chair. This was getting her no where. She was starting to wonder why she had agreed to this in the first place. No one could say it wouldn’t happen again… so what was the point?

Xandra
(a little… off)

“That might be exactly how you start it.” The Counselor replied blatantly. Trevor wouldn’t be able to actually help Xandra if he were to tell her what to say, the Counselor would have to simply guide her to a resolution. “Unfortunately, this is what we sign up for when we join Starfleet; to seek out new life and new civilizations and to boldly go where no one has gone before,” Michaels said, reciting Starfleet’s mission statement.

“Unfortunately, that doesn’t apply just physically experiencing new situations.” The Counselor said hoping he made sense.

CNS

Xandra growled and looked out the window. “Yeah, can see that conversation happening.” As he spoke of the reasons they were out in space, she shook her head. “I signed up to give my life. To perhaps even take a life. She just didn’t recall the fine print where there was a risk she’d kill those she loved.

It took a couple minutes, but she finally surrendered and came to sit down in one of the seats. “So I am supposed to apologize, knowing he’ll forgive me. And that’s gonna make everything all right?” She looked up at the Counselor. “How do I get rid of the doubt, though? And the guilt I feel about what I did.”

Xandra
Pilot

Michaels nodded at Xandra’s question. “There’s no special hypospray that’s going to solve this issue.” The Counselor stated. “But, I’ve got a feeling you’ll feel an ounce better after your conversation with those you think you’ve hurt.” Raising a finger to pause for a moment, Trevor reached into his desk and pulled out an antiqued style book.

“This is called, Moby Dick.” Trevor said as he sat it across the desk and in front of Xandra. “Why don’t you wind down your next few nights reading this, so that you don’t turn what you’re currently feeling into your own Moby Dick.” The Counselor suggested.

Michaels
CNS

Xandra took the book like it was a punishment. She understood the reasoning, but having never read the title, she was a bit leery. “I’ll give it a whirl. But I guess I just don’t know how to earn back his trust that I’m a good pilot.” She didn’t add that she had no idea how their relationship would survive. How do you forgive a lover who tried to kill you?

“I guess the next step is a talk with Ric. And from there…” she sighed and shrugged. “I don’t even know…” She was at a loss. Why couldn’t everything be as clear as it was thru the plasscreen of her fighter?

Xandra
Pilot

“I think you’ll find out the next step once you put one foot in front of the other.” Lieutenant Michaels said, as their session wound down. “I do recommend getting the Captain’s point of view as well, Xandra.” The Counselor added. “That’ll help you feel more at ease when it comes to the work side of your grievances.”

CNS

Great

First she had to talk to Ric. And now the man was telling her to confront the Captain about it as well. She wasn’t sure she could manage the CO, yet, so Ric would be first on the list. Maybe after dinner that night. He’d made her promise not to sleep in her own quarters alone till all this was straight. So they had dinner plans and a holo training in the sims to help reassure her she hadn’t lost her edge. Maybe in the cockpit, over simulated comms, she could talk to him a little easier than all comfy on the couch with a hot drink.

Though a stiff drink of his reserve special edition stuff was probably in order as well.

“All right. I’ll reach out to the Captain after I figure things out with Ric.” She stood up wanting to be out of there a hell of a lot faster than a prolonged good bye would take. “I’ll let you know once I’ve spoken to both. Will that work?” She wasn’t going to make another appointment now because that was just too much pressure. And she hoped it wouldn’t come to butting heads on that matter.

Xandra
Pilot

“That should work.” Lieutenant Michaels replied. “Though if that doesn’t work, we can always try shock therapy.” The Counselor said jokingly.

CNS

It actually took a half a heartbeat for Xandra to realize he was joking. Her eyes widened then she shook her head. She tried not to laugh, but the edges of her lips curled up anyway. “Well, I would prefer it didn’t come to that. I have enough trouble keeping my hair within regs without having it standing up on end, as well.” She shook her head once more and headed for the door. “I’ll talk to Ric as soon as I can. By tonight, though, I am sure. Then I’ll seek out the Captain. Give me a couple days and I’ll come back.” She glanced over her shoulder at him as the door opened. “And yes, I will check back in. I promise.” She had the feeling he heard those words a lot, and many never followed thru. She knew she had to. Her career was on the line.

Xandra
Pilot

Trevor chuckled to himself as Xandra left his office. The Counselor could never understand why patients were ever given shock therapy a few hundred years back, since it caused more issues than fixes. Shrugging, the Lieutenant filed away his notes and left a reminder to check in with the pilot in a few days.

CNS