Kate headed to the replicator with a silly smile on her face. Today was Valentine’s Day and while she had never been the type to expect flowers, candy and romantic dinners on this night she did have one tradition. =/\= Computer replicate my kiss =/\= she said. Promptly what was a 1.5 pound Hershey Kiss emerged from the replicator. It was not the iconic pyramid wrapped in shiny gray foil but more of a misshapen mound with only half of it remaining. Kate had never been a huge chocolate fan like most women. She ate it but she could also go weeks or months without it. This piece of chocolate was different. It was given to her 11 years ago when she was 12. It was her first Valentine’s Day gift that had not come from mom or dad. It had come from Shaun. : : : : : : : : Slicing off a chunk, she then folded back the gray tin foil wrap and programmed the replicator to scan it and store the new form as 2.14.2394. This would be the twelfth copy of the once given gift. Kate had rushed home breathy and red-cheeked showing her mom what Shaun had given her after school had ended. Kate knew she should eat it or it would spoil but couldn’t bring herself to do so until her mom showed her the trick with the replicator. Kate’s plan was to eat a piece every Valentine’s Day for the rest of her life. : : : : : : : : Flopping back down on her bed, Kate stared at the ceiling of her quarters as she ate her allotted piece of chocolate. The surface was smooth without a blemish like an endless sea of gray metal. Kate didn’t mind the color gray most of the times. It was a great neutral, which amplified the other things about it. A gray cloudy day let you see the raindrops trickle along window panes. A gray fog enhanced the feel of a spooky night in October. A gray room let you decorate with splashes of color making the place feel serene with blue or feisty with red. Kate’s room, however, looked like a barren academy dorm. She hadn’t had time to decorate. The only personal effects in the rooms were the ones she always traveled with: the stuffed and ratty plush dog from her childhood, the large photo of her family taken on the day of her graduation with each O’Neill dressed in their corresponding officer’s uniform, a ring, and the picture that made remained at her bedside since it was taken. : : : : : : : : Kate picked up the framed image staring at it. It showed an aerial shot of her and Shaun lying in a large pile of hay. Both of them wearing a smile. It was not the best photo they had ever taken but one of Kate’s favorites. To her, it symbolized all the happy summers they spent roaming the Ticonderoga. “I miss you,” she said to the image and let her fingers trace his face before putting it back in its spot on her nightstand, “but this year, I can do something about it.” : : : : : : : : Kate got up and walked back to the replicator pulling her hair into a ponytail. Replicating a score of ingredients, she began to dice, chop and mince a variety of vegetables and spices. This would have been far better with fresh ingredients but at least she could actually cook it. Walking over to a group of boxes that had been delivered from operations, Kate pulled out her ancient hot plate and sauté pan. Firing it up she added the ingredients and let them simmer as she opened the one box that meant more than anything else: her tomato plant. Somehow, the darn thing survived the Viking and being sent here. It even had two red globes ripe and ready for picking. Pulling the tomatoes from the vine, she chopped and added them to the jambalaya. Many people would say that her homegrown addition did not add anything but Kate felt she could always tell. Fifty minutes later the dish was ready along with a round cake of cornbread and raspberry cranachan. : : : : : : : : Kate placed the items in one of the empty boxes in her room. Hefting it up, she walked to Shaun’s room. Reaching it Kate hesitated at the door controls. He knew what today was and never bothered to contact her but she was no longer his. Kate made the mess and now as the proverbial saying went, she had to sleep in it. Still, there was no reason she could not extend an olive branch. What he did with it was up to him. Setting the box at the base of the door, Kate let out a deep sigh, palmed the controls, and walked away. The note in the box was platonic enough but still showed she cared. It simply read, “I know this was your favorite. Enjoy.” : : : : : : : : Lt.(j.g.) Kate O’Neill, COS : : : : : : Meanwhile, inside Shaun wrestled with his thoughts as he laid in bed. Arriving on the Odin and finding Kate had gotten on the same ship was a shock. The truth was he suspected both their families meddled. If it wasn’t her brothers he was damn sure his sisters tried to pull some strings to get them here. Hell even their fathers may have had something to do with it for all he knew. : : : : : : A few days ago during her check in, Shaun felt so certain he needed to distance himself. Today he couldn’t help but think about how he missed the smell of her perfume as she laid next to him. He knew he had a right to be mad, but the truth was he just wanted his Katie back. It was hard to stay mad at someone you loved more than life itself. : : : : : : Moving from the bed to the edge he let his feet dangle, as if debating what he should do. It was valentines day. It was always a special day for them both. He always told her he fell in love with her when he was 8 and moved to West Virginia. It was true but he was young and so was she. No, it wasn’t till some six years later, Harper Middle School dance on valentines day that he made that effort. : : : : : : She was 7th grade, he just started high school. For whatever reason no one had asked her to the dance, he remembers her sad freckled face and this deep pouty blue eyes as she talked to him about wanting to go. She claimed the boys were intimidated by her, and she probably wasn’t wrong. She always had a fiery nature to her. Her red hair and Scottish heritage always made for a potent combo. : : : : : : He could remember the moment where he felt so angry at all those boys. His Katie was adorable and there was no chance he was going to let their stupidity rob her of a chance to go to that dance. The day of the dance Shaun showed up, her brothers running interference while his sisters stood ready to ambush her to get her ready. She said yes though, she always said yes to him. : : : : : : Sitting at the sink he washed away the memory, his life with Katie began on this day but he wasn’t sure what would happen now without her. He had fought back in sickbay just enough he knew she would be hurt, not mad but just hurt. He knew she hated herself for it all and that was one of the biggest reasons he felt so ready to forgive her. : : : : : : Shaun found a shirt nearby, Kelly green. It was a shirt she bought for him four years ago and he loved it. Putting it on he found his pants and shoes and looked proper in that moment to talk to his Katie once more, leaving the past behind and focusing on what the two still had. : : : : : : Getting closer to the door he heard the page as he stood there. He was somewhat shocked but opened it to see the package on the floor and Katie turning as she left. He knew what she was doing. She hated confrontation and wanted him to have the gift but feared his response. : : : : : : “Wait!” He said not even bothering to read the note or see the contents he stopped over her gift and walked with a passionate determination to her as he grabbed her arm and pulled her around. : : : : Kate stopped cold hearing her name called out. Her stomach was a mix of knots and butterflies. Thier shuttle ride over had given her the hope that things could be repaired between them. It was fun and happy like old times. The trip to the sick bay had shattered that dream. Kate had expected some pushback but not with both hands and to across the room. If she hadn’t have had the reaction to the vaccine, Kate would not have made him dinner like she did. Shaun had made it quite clear before she collapsed they were over; however, like always, he was there when she needed him the most. She had run from him once and would not do it again. : : : : There were no more words as Shaun’s finger closed around her bicep and spun her about. The action was so fast, it took Kate’s mind a moment to realize it was happening. Facing him she took a long moment to look at the face staring back at her. The expression was one she had seen a million times before; however there were few expressions she had not witnessed on his face over the years: happy, sad, confused, frustrated, angry, loathing, and peaceful were all the emotions she had shared over a lifetime with him. His eyes held a fury but not necessarily angry. She let her gaze dart across both of his hazel eyes trying to read more behind the look he was giving her. : : : : : : Those eyes, the same blue eyes who cried to him about how no boys liked her stared at him and he felt himself joke up in that moment. This was what he wanted and he knew he had to take it. Pulling her close to him he embraced her fully as he let his lips lock with hers. He remembers this taste; this intoxicating taste of her lips. She often had a strawberry chapstick she always loved to wear and now was no different. He felt his heart racing as he kissed her deeper, nothing else mattered as he just showed her the true feelings in his heart. : : : : Kate did not fight back or stop as his grip pulled her to him. It was where she wanted to be for the past twelve months. She let her fingers dig slightly into his sides using the fabric of the shirt to pull herself deeper into his embrace. Kate’s mind went blank as he kissed her. All the daydreams she had had of this moment were gone. There were no hot whispered I’m sorry’s or forgive me or even an I love you. All Kate could do was melt into the moment and enjoy it for what it was worth. She did not want to know if this was their first kiss or the last. She only wanted to live in this moment for as long as it lasted. Kate’s tongue found his and fell into the comforting dance that they had shared for the past ten years. A soft whimpering moan escaped her lips. She could not help it. It was automatic and instinctual letting Shaun know she wanted him and more. : : : : : : Moments past and he let himself pull from her. “I love you, and I forgive you completely” was all he said as he looked down at her. This was in many ways he knew the response he should have given to her on the shuttle but his stubborn pride made him hold back. : : : : Kate dropped her forehead to his chest and let his words play over and over in her head like a recording. She had wanted to hear him say this during the communiques they exchanged over last year but never did. Now that he had, Kate saw it was not lip service to make her feel better because they were serving together in a floating tin can. It was not the polite response you gave to someone because manners dictated it. I love you, and I forgive you completely’ was said with conviction and Kate believed the sincerity behind it. She let him hold her in his arms not replying for an eternal moment. Him holding her like this was almost as good as the first kiss in over a year. Kate could have stood there all night enjoying the feel of his arms around her body, the scent of the cologne she had bought him last Christmas, and the feel of his breath on the top of her head. The embrace was broken however by the feeling of his lips on the top of her head signaling it was time to do something else. This was one of the few non-verbal communications they had exchanged where both she and him knew what was expected. Kate looked up at him with a neutral expression. She wanted to act like nothing had changed but it did. Shaun was back and not as a family friend or the son of his best friend. He was back as Katie’s boyfriend. : : : : : “Now, grab your gift and get inside I need to show you just how much I miss you love.” He said as he smiled with a mischevious smirk. She would know that look well and knew just what showing her would mean in that moment. If she accepted he knew it would mean the year never happened and they were back to where they left off. : : : : : : Grecken, Doctor : : : : “You sure,” she looked at him. Her question was rhetorical in nature. He said had forgiven her but Kate felt off balance. Not by what Shaun had just said but more her subconscious. Shaun never said anything he didn’t mean. If he said it, he meant it. Kate just needed to let go of her past actions. Sliding her hand into his, she wasn’t sure who took the first step towards his quarters. In reality, it didn’t matter. Kate’s mind began to fill with thoughts of just being with him and keeping up. Being taller, Shaun had a longer stride. When he was angry or excited, walking with him turned into a brisk stroll on her part to keep up with his gait. Luckily the distance was short. : :
As the door opened, Kate was not sure who started first. Her hands found his belt as his found the hem of her shirt while their lips met again. After a year their moments were jerky and hurried. Both she and he trying to reach the safety of first base simultaneously but not making any headway there as they struggled to change uniforms in the universal game of baseball.
: : : : : : :
: : : : : : : Lt. (j.g.) Kate O’Neill COS
: : : : : :
: : : : : : “Why doesn’t yisser top not jist ‘av velcro straps!” came Shauns reply, his accent seeming to get thicker as his blood pumped. He let small kisses trail down her neck as he fumbled to get her top off. As he found the edges and flung it across the room he lifted her up, letting her legs wrap around him as he took her to his bed.
: : : : :
: : : : : Kate fisted his hair with one hand and let the fingernails of the other make small circles on the back of his neck. She didn’t worry about holding onto him. Shaun had her. He always had her. “Because it is meant to stay on not come off,” she whispered in a hot breath, “but the bra comes off easier unless you have forgotten how to take it off with one hand.” Kate didn’t remember the trip to the bedroom but she felt her body impact the bed and then his on top of hers. Kate looked into his eyes for a second making sure this was where he wanted to be. Emotions always ran hot with them clouding their judgment. It was a theme to their relationship but tonight Shaun did not have any look in his eyes other than the one that said he wanted to be with her.
: : : : : :
: : : : : : Laying on top, her bra still intact as he continued to kiss down her neck. “God oi ‘av missed yer Katie”. He said to her, the accent seemif. To get thicker and more slurred as it bordered on muffled in between kisses.
: : : : : :
: : : : : : Grecken, Doctor
: : : : :
: : : : : “I love that you call me Katie,” she moaned arching her back some. As Shaun kissed her Kate tried to control her breathing. It was hard at these times with him. Shaun could make her mind go foggy and lose her sense of focus. Kate did not fight it. She let him take her where she needed to be. “I love that I can’t understand you,” she murmured feeling his hands find places that had not been touched in a year. They had things to talk about. Big things that broke them once and a couple still separate the forever but tonight she was his and he was hers. Kate could live with that even if it only lasted this one more night.
: : : : :
: : : : : *****
: : : : :
: : : : : Kate laid in Shaun’s arms. Her head on his chest and one leg slung high across his thighs. A thin sheet kept the chill off from the heat of their exertions. She let her eyes drift across the room as Shaun stroked her hair with his eyes closed. She loved the quiet moments like this with him. Where never spoke because words were not necessary. Before last June, they spent a majority of their free time curled up like this. One or both would often drift off to sleep for either a quick cat nap or full-on slumber depending on the effort they spent on the hour before. A year ago Kate would have closed her eyes and slept but now she was too anxious, too nervous. Whatever would come of the conversation she was about to start, Kate would rather it be here in his arms than from across the table or on opposite ends of the couch. “Shaun,” she said and felt her mouth go dry and heard her voice crack. She swallowed hard and then licked her lips moistening them. Clearing her throat a bit she tried again. “Shaun.....where do we.....stand,” she fought to start the conversation. Her mind wanted her to shut up but her heart needed to know. She could deal with anything if she had an answer: good or bad. “I am not looking for a map of our future,” she said with her eyes locked firmly across the room and not on his face. She needed to hear the tone and sound of his voice and not what his facial expression might impart. “I guess I am just wondering if this is.....hello.....or....goodbye.”
: : : : :
: : : : : Lt. (j.g.) Kate O’Neill, COS
: : : :
: : : : Shaun breathed in, letting himself soak in the moment with her that it took a few moments for him to take in what she asked of him. Looking at her, in that moment he knew the answer. It surprised him he couldn’t let go before but he knew what he wanted. Even if this took a long time to get back to perfect he knew he wanted to.
: : : :
: : : : “This… this is is nice to see you again… where have you been.” he said as he brushed back her hair as he leaned in, kissing her softly he felt his body seem to inhale her scent. Her lips fit perfectly into his and their bodies felt perfect laying next to each other.
: : :
: : : Kate ignored the words as his lips brushed hers. She wanted this moment to continue forever but maybe it couldn’t.
: : : :
: : : : Shifting he let himself lay back on top of her, they may have just finished but the next round needed to start, it had been a cold lonely year without his Red.
: : : :
: : : : Grecken, Doctor
: : :
: : : Kate did not fight him as he rolled her over and below him. Her hands already caressing his back and their legs becoming a tangled jumble. Her breath began to come out in breathy gasps as she kissed him like he had been gone on duty for the last year and not by the choice she left him with. The reality of what he said and their past came crashing down on her like a bucket of icy water.
: : :
: : : “Wait..stop. Shaun stop,” Kate said blurted out putting her arms on his chest. Holding him just a few inches from her she let her eyes dart across his face. Her heart pounded faster than it had all night. Her body trembled like it did that night she was fifteen up in the hayloft. Maybe he would remember seeing the same look in her eyes if Shaun stared hard enough. Kate was scared. Ti didn’t happen often but it was now. Just like that summer night years ago, tonight she was asking him to make a decision.
: : :
: : : “Shaun…I,” her breath caught in her chest causing her words to hitch. Her body shook so hard he would have to feel the movement. “I need you,” she licked her lips feeling her mouth go dry. The faint taste of strawberry coated her tongue tip from the chapstick she always wore. “I need you now and an hour from now. I need you tomorrow and next week. I need you,” Kate said in a desperate tone. The begging quality of her voice clearly indicated this was not sexual foreplay or pillow talk. It was Kate needing a promise from him. “I…I can’t be your it’s nice to see you again girl.” Kate didn’t want to cry in front of him but it was coming. Either way, no matter his response, it was coming and Kate needed to get herself under control long enough to leave his quarters.
: : :
: : : “I know I caused it. I know I messed us up but I paid for it. Maybe more than you,” She curled her fingers around his biceps still holding him back. “I never thought of you as a causal relationship even after we broke up. From the moment I saw you on that shuttle I was already thinking it was my second chance. Our second chance but I can’t do last year again,” she felt her sinuses getting tingly. “I don’t have it in me. I need to know right here and right now what is happening. If I have to…to,” she felt a single tear run down her cheek unable to control all the emotions welling up inside her. “If I have to be only Lt. O’Neill I will find a way to do that until I can get a transfer. If you want me to be your Katie bug I will work to make you see how much I regret my actions. What I can’t be,” Kate sniffed back her nose and looked up in an attempt to stop any more tears from falling down her cheeks. She cleared her voice and blinked rapidly trying to keep her tears in place. “I can’t be your it’s nice to see you again girl.” Uttering this statement, Kate let go of his arms and tried to roll out from under him. The magic of the moment now long gone.
: : :
: : : Lt. (j.g.) Kate O’Neill, COS
: :
: : “My love… I think you misunderstand my words. You said is this hello or is this goodbye. Nice to see you again means you are coming back… this isn’t an end and it certainly isn’t a new beginning. This is a return, a resurgence. The past is the past, I can’t live without you. We tried on purpose when I went to Starfleet and every girl I was with felt hollow and we tried not so much on purpose now and it still felt dry and unwelcoming. My world isn’t complete without you in it… so it’s nice to see you again, cause I choose to believe you never left.” He said softly, he knew that was where his heart lay. He couldn’t say the future wouldn’t have some struggles. He had to get over in many ways what she did but he was willing to try and go forward like this was nothing more than a bad fight.
: :
: : Grecken, Doctor
:
Kate did not roll away nor did she roll completely onto her back. Shaun may have her in body mass and weight, but she had learned a few tricks of the trade being in security. Bringing up her right leg and bending at the knee, Kate put all her body weight on her heel. She flattened her other knee out beside her while balancing on her left elbow. Bringing her right hand up, palm flat against Shaun’s left shoulder, Kate pressed her hips into Shaun’s waist right at his pivot point. Her goal was to flip him over like a turtle on his back and be straddling his waist. The problem was, Shaun could often read her like a Betazoid and she wasn’t out to hurt anything. Kate’s future plans precluded the use of a well placed knee or elbow.
: :
: : Lt. (j.g.) Kate O’Neill, COS
:
: Shaun knew well what she was doing, she had been trying to pin him since they first discovered how much fun it was under the sheets together. While Katie wasn’t his only girl he had been with, there on again off again often lead to small trysts here and there, she was his first and his favorite… and as of right now the only one he ever wanted for the rest of his days. Of all the other women he had flings with, none of them had ever held a candle to her.
:
: He began to counter every move and just sit still. He was larger than her and while she wasn’t a poor security officer growing up with her wrestling was big between his family and hers. You couldn’t grow up in the hills without learning how to “wrastle” as her kin folk would often say.
:
: “Where do you think you are going.” he said as he forced her to stay pinned.

Kate fought not to smile as she looked into Shaun’s eyes for the first time and saw him there again. The expression he wore was comfortable and soothing. No matter where they were in the sliding scale of Kate O’Neill ——Kate Grecken, she knew she at least had a part of the Shaun she lost back.

“Inmmm…gonnna flip....you,” Kate grunted and squirmed trying to find an ounce of leverage she could. Her voice held annoyed determined quality to it than upset or playful. “I know it,” she let out a louder grunt bucking her hips but only moving about an inch under in, “seems like....I won’t but....don’t doubt....my…tenacity,” she tried a hip wiggle at this point thinking just getting off her back might be the best option instead of the grandiose flip she had planned

:Leaning in his kissed her deeply, before separating as his teeth held onto her bottom lip. “I love you Katie, always… don’t ever doubt that ever again.” he said as he leaned in again, kissing her deeper this time. Grecken, Doctor

Kate didn’t have words as she looked up at him. She future was no longer was a murky fog. While she couldn’t see past the end of her nose, Kate could at least see Shaun in it. That was all the mattered in this moment. She would let the rest of the moments fall as they were meant to.

Lt. (j.g.) Kate O’Neill, CoS