It was around 23:00. Kastarak knew that Pawl had just finished his evening shift. He had asked the computer to ensure that Pawl indeed was in his chief engineer’s quarters. It had been a few difficult days since Kastarak returned to duty. His near-death experience, coma, Pawl watching over him… His spat with Lovejoy (but in his love for Pawl, there was no joy… only pain). Kastarak questioned himself, he questioned all his choices. Would it have been better for them to remain coupled, with Kastarak declining the promotion? He had prioritised the welfare of the crew above his own welfare and that of his lover, Pawl....

Kastarak felt a lump in his gut. At this point, he knew it was nothing physiologically wrong with him. Normally, he would purge those feeling of guilt, anxiety, pain and love away. But on this evening, this quiet evening in interstellar space, he felt somewhat addicted to it. He kept thinking, I can always purge it later when I need to…, as he buzzed the door to Pawl’s room.

He hoped, he hoped Pawl would open and allow them some time to talk. Kastarak wasn’t entirely sure what he expected from this chance, he just needed to be with Pawl. Hear him speak. See his face. Maybe there would be a way. If not, maybe they could have a few minutes…

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer