Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Pawl Batario (Chief Engineer) in Breakfast (Kastarak/Batario)

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Kastarak (Doctor / Counsellor) in Breakfast (Kastarak/Batario)

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Pawl Batario (Chief Engineer) in Breakfast (Kastarak/Batario)
Posted by… suppressed (27) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Snip

Kastarak entered the lift, feeling a sense of comfort and ease with being in Pawl’s presence and with their decision to visit Pawl’s quarters.

“It’s been two years now. I arrived in June 2270, though I was away for a few months on other duties. I consider myself seasoned. If I remember correctly, I met you on your first day here, when you visited Sickbay for your medical and psychological evaluations. How have you settled in since then?”

– Kastarak

“That’s right we met my first day here along with medical and psyche evals.” PAwl said calmly. After getting in and tapping his deck his cabin was located. “I believe I am adjusting well here doctor.” Pawl said calmly to him. as the lift took off towards its destination. “I am getting used to all of the minds on the ship.” Pawl said casually.

Pawl

Kastarak tried to mentalize what it was for Pawl that he was getting used to the many minds on the ship. Was it noisy for him? Like going into mess hall at noon, hearing all conversations, but not the actual words? What was it like to be so acutely telepathic?

“What is it like?” Kastarak asked, in genuine curiosity and out of concern for his friend. “Experiencing all the minds on the ship, as you do?”

How did Pawl perceive Kastarak? What did he make of Kastarak’s depth, thoughts, emotions brewing intensely under the lid – a lid pushed down hard by Kastarak’s mental control – even if Kastarak did let an emotional bubble sip through now and then, to inform him of important messages from his subconscious.

The lift reached the destination, and the doors opened. Kastarak waited for Pawl to lead the way.

– Kastarak

“Well, Most humans and other races don’t have a way to close their minds so there is noise most of the time. Some other races like Vulcans and a few other odd races I can’t read them.” Pawl said kindly. “Some have learned to control their thoughts or emotions so that helps at times. I am in no pain with all the ideas or thoughts roaming around Even Betazed is more open-minded unless there is something they want to be kept private.” PAwl noticed the lift doors open “This way.” He said as he exited the corridor and headed down to his room. Luckily he had a stateroom that was meant for VIPs. So no roommates. As he closed on his room door it opened for him.
“Please come in Care for something to drink?” Pawl offered.

Pawl

While they walked to Pawl’s quarters and Pawl spoke, Kastarak listened carefully, humming once in a while to signal his understanding and acknowledgement of what Pawl said. Kastarak wasn’t sure how to respond, but luckily they reached Pawl’s quarters before Kastarak was expected to reply.

“Some tea, thank you,” he replied, “or water, water would also be fine, thank you.”

Kastarak did not wish to impose himself on Pawl, so the alternative of water was offered to allow Pawl some time.

Kastarak looked around the room, curious to see if any objects around it would tell him anything about Pawl.

– Kastarak

Pawl heard the response as he went for some water for both him and the doctor. As the doctor looked about Pawl’s room he saw a meditating crystal sitting on a table along with some candles along with some family and friend photos on the shelf near the doctor. A couple of small containers of stuff he had not unpacked. “Well here is the water for us .” Pawl commented calmly as he came back into the room. As he brought the water to a small table and sat them down. Pawl took a seat in a chair. “I haven’t had time to unpack.” Mostly clothing and a few momentos.” Pawl said with a small smile.

Pawl

“Thank you, that is kind,” Kastarak replied, as he lifted the glass and hydrated his dry mouth. Why was his mouth so dry? why were the palm of his hands so sweaty? He dried his hands on his lap.

“You’ve been busy at work then. It’s been a while since you were promoted to chief engineer. Would you wish for my help in unpacking?”

Kastarak looked around and saw a photo of Pawl with some other people. “Who are these people with you? Is that your family?”

– Kastarak

Pawl was taken back almost lost in a way. “Chief??Engineer??” almost lost and confused as the information sunk in. “I guess we can unpack technically I have the time now. I hope its no imposotion?” Pawl said to the doctor mostly clothing and other odd items. knickknacks.” Pawl said with a soft smile. “Oh?? That is my other twin brothers and my sister. Tanis Liam and Kammy.” Pawl said with a small smile. “They’re not near as xenophobic as my parents and grandparents are they were opposed to me leaving Betazed.” Pawl added. The Other photograph was a few friends that I knew at the University of Betazed.”

As he grabbed the odd items off the top of the boxes and started to put them away. “Its nice to have company here.” Pawl said with a kind smile. He placed the throw blanket on the arm of the chair and tossed a few pillows. over to his bed in the other room for now.

Pawl

Surely Pawl knew? Why else would he have the title, the badge, the role? This new senior officer suite? Was he dysregulated emotionally, but why? Was it because of Kastarak’s presence? Did Pawl feel uneasy about not being able to read him? Should Kastarak open up, allow himself to be read and sensed more? But wouldn’t that be inviting to intimacy? Unless, would Pawl want that? Would Kastarak?

There were many questions in Kastarak’s mind. He so wished for a moment of quietness in his mind, an understanding of what the meaning of it all was.

“Thank you for telling me of your family, and letting me see them,” he said. He was honest about it, he felt more connected to Pawl this way. He wished he had pictures to show him of his family – but he only had his memories, and the faces were slowly fading away over the years.

“It is with regret I must say that I cannot reciprocate the gesture. I cannot show you my family, but I would like you to know of them. If you would like to hear a little about them, and their lives, and ways? They all died in the destruction of Vulcan, and I am the only one left of my home, my family, my lineage.”

– Kastarak

Pawl started to pick up impressions from the doctor. He did not want to pry just in case he was reading things wrong. He heard the doctor speak. “You’re more than welcome Kastarak. You’re more than welcome to explore more about my family and world.” Pawl said with a small smile. As PAwl heard of the disaster not knowing anyone till now that was part of said disaster. The Loss of a Unique World and her people. “I am sorry Kastarak I was not trying to make you relive the trauma of this event.” Pawl said sincerely to him as the smile faded hard from his face as he moved to stand in front of him. As he felt more from the man. Pawl could not help but to Let his mind drop his mental shields to be completely open to the man. “Your welcome to share my thoughts and get to know me better.” Pawl said as he stood there calmly with no expression on his face. He could feel some attraction from the doctor but it was slowly coming into focus to pawl. “you’re definitely interested in me??” Pawl was surprised by the revelation. He could not believe he did not see this sooner.

pawl

The question startled Kastarak. He had no expected it, and made him forget the rest of the conversation. He did not like the binary nature of it – neither yes nor no could not explain. He was not sure of his own emotions, thoughts. But interested was a good word. He had not dared explore the more meaningful aspects of it. He had wished to speak with Umbri or T’Aria about it, but both of them had been too busy or otherwise engaged. Soon T’Aria and Kastarak would travel to New Vulcan on a leave of absence, perhaps then they’d get a chance to discuss it, but otherwise, who could he talk to? Sega’a? Maybe? But for now, the object of Kastarak’s attention would have to be the one to experience the awkward conversation.

“I am,” Kastarak replied, his voice as devoid of emotion as it normally would but his gut felt fluttery, and he was slightly dizzy. Surely his bloodsugar was fine, why did his blood pressure fall now? Now was not the time! “With your consent, I would like to explore in what way. I feel drawn to you, wishing for some kind of connection with you. I am uncertain what kind. What kinds of connection would you be willing to explore?”

– Kastarak

Pawl was interested but not sure on what to say to this it was rather confusing to him. “I am open to anything doctor.” Pawl said calmly to him. Pawl thought it was nice to hear that he was drawn to him but confused about the way of connection he wanted. This could be more of a friend to him or maybe something more. PAwl wanted to ask more but was not sure on how to ask. “Tell me more?” Pawl finally added hoping for more details.

pawl

Kastarak felt himself more dizzy and less in control of himself.

“May I hold your hand for a moment?” he asked, his voice sounding a bit weaker than usual.

– Kastarak

“Of course Doctor!” PAwl said with concern as he gave his hand to the man. “Do you need anything ?”Pawl offered.
PAwl

As Kastarak took Pawl’s hand, it was as if a current to Kastarak’s mind opened up for Pawl. Pawl would be able to sense the little child inside of Kastarak, who was taken away from his family too soon, who longed to be able to be vulnerable and cared for again, who wished for feeling warmth and intimacy with other people. Pawl would also feel the grief, the trauma, the loneliness, but with some views of happiness – he would see how much he cared for Pawl, the need to feel the warmth from Pawl, and being able to open up to Pawl, and the desire to get to know Pawl more. Pawl would also sense Kastarak’s physical attraction to him, a sort of hunger, but he would also feel the warmth and regard Kastarak had for Pawl.

Pawl would be able to see the faded faces of Kastarak’s family. He would see the deep near-black eyes of his mother, T’fal, and the light, light brown eyes of his father Leptik. The playfulness twinkling in the eyes of the twins Tolk and Selak, only 6 years old, and the cries for milk from infant Sabok, not even a year, who was born weak and sensitive, always craving attention.

Pawl would hear the loudness in the mind of Kastarak, that though Kastarak might appear calm and serene, layers down there were shrieks of pain and anger and dispair and loneliness, hatred mixed in with love.

After some time, maybe a minute or two, Kastarak let go of Pawl’s hand. He wanted to say something, but was immediately embarrassed by having shown himself so naked before Pawl. He both regretted it, and didn’t. It all depended how Pawl would react.

– Kastarak

Pawl started to get a flood of images and feelings from Kastarak. From images of friends and family to intense feelings from curiosity to love and pain. These attacks of images and feelings almost overwhelmed Pawl but he dropped his barriers to allow the information to pass to him easier. He felt the warmth and intimacy of the doctor and his attraction to him. It was nice to feel such affection from another living being its been a while since he had a companion or imzadi in his life. Pawl felt the longing to be with someone craving attention and His sensitivity and weak nature early on really pulled at Pawl’s heart strings. At the same time, he let the doctor share in his thoughts and emotions with his family and friends along with his feelings for him and attraction to the man too. Seeing his other sibling his brothers and sister they were caring and understanding of Pawl’s love and understood a bit as the other family members were more xenophobic in nature being scared of and afraid of outsiders.
His parents have opposed him going on the exchange program they rather had control of him and his life choices. So there was a range of mixed emotions coming from him because of this. They canceled the so-called arranged marriage due to the fact that the person that was picked for him was in favor of the exchange program and the female was not in favor of his parent’s thoughts of a traditional betazoid ceremony since pawl was interested in men. There was a lot of animosity and resentment with the entire family. Especially with the elders and parents. As the images faded and the connection was broken by the doctor.

“Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feeling with me.” Pawl said with a sigh as all he wanted to do was hug the doctor now. trying to keep his control of all his emotions. pawl looked into the man’s eyes before he spoke again. “I will be invading your space so no offense.” He drew closer to him and gave him a long hug. “I am honored at the openness that you have shown me.” PAwl said with a smile as he withdrew from the hug but was still close to the man. “Please don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed. I know you are a bit taken aback by the feelings and emotions that you shared with me and I won’t share them with anyone.” Pawl said kingly to the doctor.

PAwl was not trying to force himself on him because this was a large step he perceived that the doctor had done. He waited for the doctor to respond in anticipation of something more. “Are you ok Doctor?” PAwl inquired softly to him.

Pawl

It was certainly an intimate moment for them both. Kastarak was moved and touched by Pawl’s reciprocity of experiences and emotions. It felt right. As Pawl hugged Kastarak, Kastarak thought he would find it odd and too physically intimate, but it felt just right. He could feel the oxytocin high in his body, the warmth and jitters everywhere, and a sense of euphoria in the depths instead of that dispair and anger and hatred that he would normally sense from those depths…

He could not remember the last time had been hugged. He must have been a child, perhaps an infant, before the age where memories are stored. It must have been before he would had been able to control his emotions, and his parents’ most logical resort would be to calm him with an embrace. As such, Pawl’s hug might for all intents and purposes been Kastarak’s first.

He just hoped it would not be his last.

“I am well,” Kastarak replied. “I am grateful for this. I do not want this moment to end, even though it must.”

“But how are you?” He asked, acutely aware he had made this all about himself, not considering Pawl. “How are you feeling?”

– Kastarak

PAwl was glad that the doctor was feeling a bit better. He also did not want this to end but he knew it must at some point. “I don’t want this to end either.” pawl said calmly. “I am good Kastarak.” with a soft smile on his face.

pawl

Kastarak nodded.

“Then, may I hug you again?” He asked softly.

– Kastarak

“Of course, Kastarak.” Pawl said politely. Letting himself be lost in the embrace of the doctor. He was glad that the docotr felt comfortable with him. Most vulcans are not a fan of touching. Which he got a minor orientation during his interspecies exchange program.

Pawl

bump
pawl

“Thank you,” said Kastarak after letting go. Suddenly, he was confused and unsure of himself. Where would he want to go next? What did he want to happen now? Was this the sign for them to part? To deepen their intimacy? To speak? What topic of conversation?

All of this was terribly new for him, and he felt as lost as a teenager, after his home had been destroyed and he found himself a refugee. But what was he escaping now? From what was he a refugee? What did he now need?

He had no answers come to mind immediately. All he knew was that he felt comfortable and safe in Pawl’s presence, and that he did not wish to leave. But there was no more points on his mental agenda.

He simply stayed quiet, hoping Pawl would take the lead on what would happen next.

– Kastarak

Pawl felt the confusion and uncertainty from Kastarak. He could tell it was partly about him and other things but he did not probe in on his privacy. pawl began to speak then stopped hoping he could put his thought into words easily. As he started to speak again. “There is nothing to worry about we can take this new step together we can go at our own pace there is no need for concern. I know my choice of words may not be precise but I hope they convey the openness and sincerity. ” Pawl said with a small smile. “We can just learn to get used to our thoughts to something more meaningful.” Pawl said as he held the man’s hand. “I understand that you are not one for public displays of affection I can understand that. Plus I know your emotions are usually locked down or pushed away. ” PAwl said calmly to the man leaving his mind open for Kastarak.

pawl

Paul’s simple acts and words of empathy sounded so easy, so pure and genuine, and Kastarak felt seen and validated. All was well. He stretched his back, rolled back his shoulders, and looked into Pawl’s eyes. “Thank you, Pawl.”

As Pawl took Kastarak’s hand, Kastarak lightly resisted it. “This is how Vulcans show affection by touch,” he said, and went on to use his right hand’s index and middle fingers to explore Pawl’s fingers. “How do you find it?”

– Kastarak

Pawl listened calmly to him. as he traced Kastaraks fingers the way the doctor had with his. “It was pleasing.” Pawl said calmly to the man. He was intrigued as well with wanting to know more about Vulcan and her people even though Vulcan was gone there is still a lot he could learn. Pawl kept his mind open and sincere. not giving any indication of lies on his part. “What do you think of this?” Pawl asked calmly to him.

Pawl

”… never and always touching and touched …” Kastarak said quietly, being reminded of Vulcan courting rituals. “It is indeed pleasing.”

He stretched his spine, rolled his shoulders back, and sat straight again. It was as if his demeanour changed slightly, back to the normal emotion-void Kastarak Pawl would be used to.

“How do you wish for this to progress?” he asked.

– Kastarak

“progress?? I am not having any reservations. Proceed as long as you are comfortable.” Pawl said softly. Pawl was still kinda confused by this but dismissed it as it might be an error. “I trust you Kastarak.” pawl said softly to him.

Pawl

Kastarak was confused too. Were they speaking of the same thing?

“What do you wish from our… friendship?” He asked, trying to find a label for their relationship.

– Kastarak

Pawl thought he answered the question before but it seemed to pass the doctor. “I am open to friendship and more.” Pawl said calmly. “I know this touching is more personal and special. I don’t want to ruin anything?” PAwl barely got out of his mouth.

Pawl

“How could you possibly ruin it?” Kastarak asked, surprised at his own reaction to what Pawl had said. He noticed something was up with Pawl.

“Would you like to tell me your thoughts?”

– Kastarak

“um… I do something taboo or something to mess this up?” PAwl said quickly as he looked away for a moment. “I know you know my feeling for you.” Pawl said calmly to him as he tried to salvage the error in words.

Pawl

Kastarak noticed Pawl’s apprehension.

“All is well. I do know,” he said. “Is there anything you wish to have me answer?”

– Kastarak

“NO, I don’t believe so? You have been more than open with me and your intentions.” Pawl said kindly to him.

As he waited for a response from him.

Pawl

Pawl’s response comforted Kastarak. Kastarak wasn’t sure how he had been ‘more than open’ about his intentions and desires with Pawl, but he put it down to Betazoid telepathy. While he was sure Pawl wouldn’t read his actual thoughts, picking up on Kastarak’s non-repressed emotions would have been unavoidable.

He wished he had more practice with telepathy. He wished he had learnt how to mind-meld. He knew the gist of it, but he would not feel safe doing it with Pawl now.

“I take comfort in your words,” Kastarak finally replied, before adding “and in your presence.”

– Kastarak

“Thank you Kastarak As I do yours.” Pawl said in kind. “You’re always welcome.” He added.
Pawl

Having spent more time with Pawl than he had initially planned, Kastarak needed now – with regret – to leave Pawl for a shift in Sickbay.

“Pawl…” he said, “I regret I must leave you now, for I have work to do in Sickbay.”

He paused.

“How is your day looking? When is your shift? I should like to see you today again. May I?”

– Kastarak