Posted by Commander T’Aria (XO / Navigation Officer) in XO Quarters - Under the Light of a New Sun (Attn. Kastarak)

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Kastarak (Doctor / Counsellor) in XO Quarters - Under the Light of a New Sun (Attn. Kastarak)

Posted by Commander T’Aria (XO / Navigation Officer) in XO Quarters - Under the Light of a New Sun (Attn. Kastarak)
Posted by… suppressed (4) by the Post Ghost! 👻
(Snip, snip!)
bumpty bumpty
(OOC: Thank you!)

T’Aria felt the tension, once suffocating and sharp, between her shoulder blades ease to a dull ache as Kastarak spoke. Why did his truth pacify her? It was painful and raw. Yet, he echoed the sentiments she could not articulate without leaning into the comfort of emotional suppression.

New Vulcan was a stark reminder of the tragedy suffered by their people. There was no logic in genocide. There was no justification for Nero’s actions. There was no step-by-step guide for healing. Still, they behaved as though it were linear. They detached themselves from any overt emotional connection and processed the events as if they were paragraphs unfolding on the sun-bleached pages of a book entitled “Vulcan History”. If one couldn’t feel the pain then, logically, it didn’t exist.

In answering a simple question, Kastarak captured the feelings that afflicted her since Y’cha’s invitation and wove them into words. They were different people, so their perceptions varied, but he helped make sense of the abstract and, though he didn’t know it, helped her to understand why she’d been so hesitant. Was this what humans meant when they said they felt “seen”?

“Thank you for sharing your truth with me, Kastarak.”

“Before Vulcan’s destruction,” T’Aria spoke with a pensive slowness after recentering herself in the warmth of her tea, “my family honoured Vulcan traditions under my grandmother’s unwavering commitment and guidance. She believed our ceremonies forged indestructible bonds between us, the land and our people. They connected us. Y’cha, my brother, and I are what remains of our family and, until recently, we have distanced ourselves from Vulcan teachings and traditions.”

“Y’cha and his partner, Saya, welcomed a daughter to New Vulcan shortly after relocating.” T’Aria paused, suddenly empathising with Y’cha’s hesitation when asking her to come, to consider how to invite Kastarak to New Vulcan. “They decided to raise Awiyat in the culture and traditions of both of their families. Included in those traditions, of course, is the coming-of-age ceremony. Awiyat will enter her 10th year in 21 days. She will undergo Kahs-wan with her peers. I am not familiar with all variations, but my family recognises the ascent from adolescence to adulthood with a naming ceremony. I was given the childhood name ‘Rovalat’ and received ‘T’Aria’ upon completing Kahs-wan. Often, these names are gifted during a family gathering, and Y’cha has asked me to attend.”

“Our family is not as populous as it was,” T’Aria continued, “so he offered me to invite others. I believe it respectful to invite only those I consider an extension of my family. I consider you one of those people. Like you, I have little desire to identify with New Vulcan, and there is immeasurable pain associated with its emergence as our surrogate homeworld. It will be… difficult to visit. So, I understand and will respect whatever decision you make. All said, it would be my honour if you would join my family and I in commemorating Awiyat’s passage into adulthood.”

“I do not expect an immediate answer,” her voice softened, “take however long you need to process.”

— T’Aria

“There is no need to process your question,” he said, having listened carefully to everything T’Aria had said. He was honoured she had chosen him on this – that she regarded him as as an extension of her family – probably the best compliment to be given by one Vulcan to another. True friendship among Vulcans was, in Kastarak’s opinion, rare. Instead, relations were fostered among family, cousins, relations and so on, as many generations of the same progenitor would be alive around the same time. What reason was there to have friends? “I am honoured to be asked to accompany you, and I am honoured to accept your invitation.”

He had not taken any time off since getting on the Chernov almost two years ago. He had amassed some annual leave, even when considering the four days on Risa that were cut short by the strange mission to Qo’noS. On a task of familiar nation of this kind, he was sure T’Aria would be granted the necessary leave. But would he? How would he ask for permission with the captain? He had no relations on New Vulcan. No friends even.

“I am not sure that I would be granted the necessary time. How long do you expect we will be away? When should we leave?”

– Kastarak

T’Aria conveyed her gratitude in a simple yet earnest “thank you”. She could not find the words to express to Kastarak how much she valued his support and companionship throughout the years. Together, they triumphed against a pernicious flu-like pathogen, oh-so-deftly masqueraded as Romulans, and confronted the daunting challenges of their culture and biology. These experiences compelled them – forced them, even – to confront their own emotions and grapple with the nuances of their grief, anger and pain. T’Aria accepted that she hadn’t allowed herself to experience her negative emotions. Instead, she had buried them deep within her subconscious until she could find the strength to engage and process them. She wasn’t sure she was ready to face New Vulcan, but T’Aria could not think of anyone else she would rather have by her side.

Though she expected their absence would not exceed seven days, T’Aria understood that Taggart might not approve Kastarak’s request for leave from his duties. She anticipated Taggart would be empathetic to the cause, but kept two persuasive tools in the back of her mind. 1) Command had not granted them properly shore leave in over two years without spontaneous interruption and 2) they were between assignments, where Kastarak and T’Aria’s absence would not be as noticed.

“Awiyat will embark on her Kahs-wan alone,” she said, “Y’cha and Saya will not expect us until she returns on the tenth day. I will discuss the occasion with Captain Taggart and request he grants you the appropriate time. If approved, we should expect to leave in two weeks.”

She considered Kastarak, “does this give you enough time to prepare?”

— T’Aria

Kastarak nodded. “Yes. I see no logical reason for Taggart to deny me the time. I shall ask him.” Yet Kastarak knew that Taggart was not always known for his logic. Kastarak did want this, he was honoured to have been asked, and this was meaningful for him. He would be able to convince the captain if it had come to that.

“I will arrange with Nurse Sutalo and Dr Symar, too, for my shifts to be covered. It shall not be difficult. We have implemented a schedule that will be fine.”

“Very well,” she nodded, “I will apprise Y’cha and Saya of our plans once you are cleared.”

Once he mentioned Symar, he thought of the man, and felt a lump of concern in his gut. He immediately took the feeling away.

“Dr Symar, however…” he said, “I believe you and I are the only ones who know of his affliction and regulatory struggles. He might not be well without either you nor me. I understand you two have some kind of understanding. You know him well. How might we ensure his safety?”

He paused.

“Is it even our duty to ensure his safety?” A rhetorical and provocative question that Kastarak could only ask in such a safe environment as the one T’Aria provided.

– Kastarak

T’Aria took a soft, pensive breath.

Their duty obligated them to the crew’s safety and well-being, but to what extent?

Symar was competent. He served aboard a battlecruiser, where risky missions and acute, high-stress cases were routine. Lives depended on his ability to self-regulate. T’Aria could say the same for any of their crew, except they hadn’t confided in her about their inner conflict. They weren’t masquerading as a Vulcan to avoid wandering eyes. Still, T’Aria questioned whether they would be as concerned if he hadn’t shared his truth. He had few emotional lapses around her, and most unnoticeable to the untrained eye. Had Kastarak witnessed more? More importantly, had they affected patient care? She chose not to ask, trusting Kastarak would divulge such information.

“I empathise with your concern, Kastarak,” she said, “but Symar will survive without us. He is our friend and crewmate, so we have an unspoken obligation to him, just as we do every other individual on this ship. We can support Symar and listen when he needs us, but assuming responsibility for his safety without his consent could infringe on his autonomy. That said…”

T’Aria made a good point, it was logical, and Kastarak agreed with her assessment.

T’Aria trailed off, consumed in thought. He would endure, surely, but would he feel comfortable?

“It may be worth conversing with him,” she eventually added. “Your request for leave will apprise him of our plans, but we could make space for him to let us know what he needs. Over tea, perhaps?”

— T’Aria

“Perhaps, indeed,” Kastarak replied. On one hand, he felt a need to protect Symar, but on the other hand, he did not think Symar’s joining them would be good for T’Aria – she needed to be able to focus on her own needs and her own family rather than having Symar trailing behind, needing attention and assistance.

He needed to make sure to T’Aria that bringing Symar on was an idea which Kastarak did not agree with, in case that was what T’Aria insinuated by suggesting sounding out Symar on the matter. Why did Vulcans, despite their love for logic, refrain from speaking clearly? Wasn’t that illogical in itself…? “But I wish to caution either of us from the thought of bringing Symar along. I do not believe he is emotionally or psychologically fit for that kind of travel to that kind of destination.” Now Kastarak was speaking unclearly himself.

– Kastarak

“Yes,” T’Aria answered, curter than she intended.

He made a valid point. It was illogical – unfair, even – to invite Symar to New Vulcan when she could not ensure her own emotional presence. T’Aria had no idea how returning to their homeworld would affect her, much less her capacity to attend to another’s needs. They just returned from a mission that demanded they masquerade as the people who hurt Symar. She doubted a trip to New Vulcan would be restorative. And Kastarak? How would their journey affect him? He’d expressed reservations about New Vulcan. What would this bring up for him? There were bound to be challenges, emotional or otherwise, so the least they could do was mitigate known stressors for everyone involved.

“I trust your assessment,” she said, “and thank you for your honesty. I hope we can use this time to explore our friendship beyond the realm of duty and obligation. So, regarding Symar, no, we should not invite him. It would be prudent to still check-in and ensure he is all right before departing.”

Kastarak paused, took another sip of his tea as he gathered his thoughts. He straightened his back, rolled his shoulders back.

“All that which you said in reply to me – with that I agree,” he said, in his mind emphasising the exploration of friendship beyond the realm of duty and obligation. He paused – if T’Aria had observed him, she would see that he was trying to speak up again, but before he had the chance, she had spoken again:

“Speaking of departing,” her thoughts drifted to technicalities, intending to clarify as much as possible, “is there anything else we should discuss before going to the Captain with our requests?”

— T’Aria

“I cannot think of any at the moment. Once we know the captain’s decision for both of us, we can make arrangements for the trip itself, such as travelling and lodging.”

Still, looking at T’Aria’s face, Kastarak lifted his cup, ready to take another sip. But as he held it, he felt the disappointment of the cup being empty. Perhaps that was the sign that the evening had come to an end.

Without making any facial movement, he purged the emotion of disappointment, brought down the cup onto its saucer again.

“Is there anything you should like to discuss?”

– Kastarak