<SNIP>

FAMILY: An old man with a pitchfork and his wife and daughter. They resemble the Quaker family in “American Gothic,” a painting. The MOTHER (MAGENTA) and FATHER RIFF RAFF) stand outside the church doors. Their DAUGHTER (COLUMBIA) goes inside. The FAMILY, and the MINISTER (FRANK N. FORTER), and the GUESTS
all resemble characters we shall meet later at the Frank N. Furter place.

BRAD waves a last wave.
Lt - Ricky English - COMMS

Stovik sat and watched the presentation with quite a bit of mystification. He was aware of the majority of Earth customs and certainly was aware of the ones surrounding Earth weddings but this one defied explanation. He really was lost in trying to put any logical framework around it. He noted that those human crew members around him seem to be enjoying it and laughing for no reason he could understand.

Captain Stovik

T’Aria had heard of the iconic performance before, but she had never done much research into the event. Sitting back, her stance unwavering, she attempted to decipher the significance of the performance. After all, it seemed to excite many of the human members in the audience. Something she could not agree to.

Dr. T’Aria

Kane walked in as the show was starting and grabbed a seat next to the CMO. “Heya, Doc.” he said softly. In his lap he placed a bag of sliced white bread, each slice toasted.

Kane, Tac / Med

“Ah, Mister Kane.” T’Aria greeted in a leisure albeit formal manner. Keeping her voice low, she nodded to him. “I trust you are well?” She turned her gaze to make it seem as if she were paying equal attention to the production, as she was the man beside her.

Dr. T’Aria

Hapschatt.
(sighs)

BRAD
(still looking after the car)
Yes, Janet. Ralph’s a lucky guy.
They walk through the church graveyard.

JANET
Yes.
An OLDER COUPLE passes them.

ELDERLY WOMAN
- I always cry at weddings.

BRAD
Er. Everyone knows Betty’s a wonderful little cook.

JANET
Yes.

BRAD
Why Ralph, himself, he’ll be in line for a promotion in a year or two.

JANET
Yes.

They stop in front of a sign: “DENTON: THE HOME OF
HAPPINESS.” With great decision BRAD turns to JANET.

BRAD
Hey Janet.

JANET
Yes, Brad.

BRAD
I’ve got something to say.

JANET
Uh-huh.

BRAD
I really loved the (pause) Skillful way you beat the other girls to the bride’s bouqet.

JANET
Oh… oh Brad.

BRAD
(sings)
The river was deep but I swam it.

RIFF RAFF & MAGENTA
(sing)
Janet.

BRAD
(sings)
The future is ours so let’s plan it.

RIFF RAFF & MAGENTA (O.S.)
(sing)
Janet.

BRAD
(sings)
So please don’t tell me to can it.

RIFF RAFF & MAGENTA (O.S.)
(sing)
Janet.

BRAD
(sings)
I have one thing to say and that’s dammit Janet. I love you.

JANET leans forward to kiss BRAD, but he backs away to the church steps.

BRAD (CONT’D)
(sings)
The road was long but I ran it.

RIFF RAFF & MAGENTA
(sing)
Janet.

BRAD
(sings)
There’s a fire in my heart And you fan it.
(jumps off)

RIFF RAFF & MAGENTA (O.S.)
(Sing)
Janet.

BRAD
(sings)
If there’s one fool for you Then I am it.

RIFF RAFF & MAGENTA
(sing)
Janet.

BRAD
(sings)
I’ve one thing to say and that’s…

BRAD chalks a heart on the church door, which RIFF RAFF
proceeds to wipe off.

BRAD (CONT’D)
(sings)
Dammit, Janet. I love you.

JANET
Ooh.

BRAD picks up Janet and swings her around; kneels down.

JANET (CONT’D)
Ooh.

BRAD produces a ring.

BRAD
(sings)
Here’s a ring to prove that I’m no joker.
JANET (O.S.)
Ohh.

BRAD (O.S.)
(sings)
There’s…

CHURCH BELLS PEAL OUT. RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA OPEN doors and
solemnly ENTER the church, door closes behind them.

BRAD (CONT’D)
(sings)
… three ways that love can grow. That’s good…

JANET
Oh… oh… oh…

BRAD
(sings)
… bad or…

BRAD goes to put the ring on JANET’S finger and drops it.

BRAD (CONT’D)
(sings)
… mediocre.

JANET
Oh.

BRAD bends down to pick up ring. JANET crouches beside him.
He puts the ring on her finger.

BRAD
(sings)
Oh - JANET I love you so.

JANET
Oh.

JANET, transfixed, bursts into the church.
INT. CHURCH - DAY

Lt. Ricky English
AKA - Ducky