Posted by Lieutenant Commander T’Aria (XO / Navigation Officer) in Mess Hall - Midnight Stew

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Umbri Zayne (Tactical Chief) in Mess Hall - Midnight Stew

Posted by Captain Chris Taggart (Captain) in Mess Hall - Midnight Stew
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻
(Snip!)

“I would not call it ‘sadness’,” Sega’a pursed his lips, “nostalgia contains a kind of nuance that simple markers like ‘sad’ and ‘happy’ cannot quite capture. Emotions do not exist in a vacuum; they occur together in a near-perfect union. What you interpreted as ‘sadness’ was only the surface of a more profound feeling.” He hesitated in search of a concise way to define emotion without bombarding Kastarak with flowery analogies that might deepen his confusion. “I’m sure you’re well-acquainted with how sights, sounds and sensations can provoke repressed memories? When I heard the first chord of ‘Blue Skies’, it reminded me of my old friend Andreas Byrd. He loved that song dearly and sang it with a beauty that words cannot express.”

He wavered to allow Kastarak a moment to absorb his words.

For Kastarak, what Sega’a said reminded him of post-traumatic stress disorder – that a sudden trigger would cause an overbearing feeling. That sights, sounds, sensations provoked repressed memories – that was less sure for Kastarak in his own experience. From his clinical experience yes, but surely this was not psychopathological?

Creativity was never a Vulcan virtue, which probably ensured Vulcan scientific, medical and engineering progress evolving very slowly compared to, for example, Earth’s. Perhaps it was the Vulcan way of actually ignoring “irrelevant memories”. If that becomes a habit, then irrelevant memories will simply not become consciously registered as occurring. Kastarak pondered the consequence of that: Irrelevant memories are perhaps not irrevelant per se, but that they might aid in establishing patterns, or finding inspiration to solve a problem using past experiences of something quite different, though through the triggered memory, still having a similarity of sorts. Priming was never a good Vulcan cognitive skll, due to this habit of repressing what is irrelevant. Those are simply things in the ways for clarity of thought and serenity of mind.

Yet, Kastarak was intrigued. He did not utter any objection to Sega’a’s small monologue.

“When I think of his voice,” Sega’a resumed, “it takes me through all of our memories together. I experience the delight of his offer to stay aboard the Avenir with him and the frustration of my bunkmate’s chronic snoring. I recall the sheepishness of my first meeting with Captain Skahlem when he stood behind her with fingers propped in a ‘thumbs up’, or so he called it. There’s the resolution to repay his kindness with food and the slow evolution of my love for him. Everything I ever felt for or I associate with the man returned when I heard that song.”

Sega’a lips curved in a fond smile. “I miss Andreas dreadfully, but sorrow works like an anaesthetic, helping to navigate pain in healthy doses and paralysing in others. So, I needed to step back and think about him. What would he want? Andreas loathed the idea of ‘his’ song being sung without ‘oomph’. That shift you saw? It was me leaning into every other sentiment I felt for him. Delight. Mischief. Frustration. Dread. Envy. Pride. Love. Where you work to control your emotions, I let them run free because I know suppressing them will allow them to fester until I explode. Performance helps me do that. I can mould my turmoil into an art that I can share with others.” He stole a glance at the officers gathered in the mess hall, warmth filling his chest. “And that’s enough for me.”

“I’m sure I haven’t made a lick of sense,” he laughed, “but I hope that helps. I’m not an expert on emotion, I’m just one of the souls doomed to a life commanded by sentiment, but I’m happy to try and answer your questions.”

After Sega’a laughed, Kastarak paused for a few moments. He needed to unpack what Sega’a had said.

He did appreciate Sega’a’s medical metaphor of nostalgia (it was nostalgia – not sadness – that Sega’a had displayed! Kastarak made a mental note of this new knowledge) working as an anaesthetic, “helping to navigate pain in healthy doses and paralysing in others”. He chose to memorise that line, perhaps it would come in handy at a bedside conversation one day. Kastarak longed for getting better people (i.e. non-Vulcan) skills, so that he could be a better doctor in Sickbay. Though he tried to mirror Nurse Sutalo or other professionals in Sickbay, it always came out hollow and insincere when he tried doing so, and Kastarak just wanted what was best for his patients. They were not algorithms to be solved, they were his duty. There was a difference. Sutalo, he knew, had feelings for his patients. He would express frustration at treatments not going as planned, or at missed appointments, happiness with recovery and finding a new way of doing care, yet also sit and listen to – what for Kastarak appeared to be – irrelevant side stories to the history taking. He pondered the function of that, yet noticed how effective it was at establishing rapport with patients.

And by that, Kastarak noticed how his thoughts had sidelined. Why was he so unconcentrated now? He had established rapport with Sega’a, he thought, and Sega’a opened up about troubled memories, of deep and private emotions, yet Kastarak felt uneasy. He tried to understand what was going on, but failed. He made another mental note, emphasising this was something he really needed to meditate on once getting back to his quarters.

Moreover, there were emotions that Sega’a mentioned that Kastarak only had a slight understanding of. Delight, for example, was that a synonym for happiness or was it a different nuance of it? If so, what kind of nuance? How would a Vulcan even process that nuance? He knew of happiness – a basic emotion, primal, but what of delight? And what of mischief? Is that not simply causing trouble? But was it sadism, an orgasm of sorts in causing pain? No, it sounded much milder, almost playful, childish. While being able to use these words in every-day conversation, Kastarak was struck by how little he actually knew of the words themselves and what they actually conveyed. Sheepishness? The sense of being a sheep? Kastarak searched his internal memory bank of sheep. Sheep are an Earth domesticated mammal, can provide edible milk. Its hair can be clipped, and from the hair, wool, a textile, can be produced. Why would an Orion identify with an Earth animal? And how is that an emotion? In any case, this was nothing Kastarak could process at this time. He needed to get back to the conversation.

He then remembered the last thing Sega’a said, that he was doomed to a life commanded by sentiment. Suddenly, the room in which they sat felt darker and colder. He took those words seriously, with the same sense of candour he would take anything a suicidal patient, for example, would do. This was clinically heavy material.

Ngokav drummed his fingers against his linen-clad legs, distracting himself from the dread touching his forehead in a cold sweat. How long would Kastarak remain in silence? He narrowed his eyes, allowing memory to guide his rhythm, but it wasn’t enough to absolve him of concern. Had he been too forward with Kastarak? Sega’a hoped to appease his curiosity in a simple, informative way… though he sensed a tension in the man that he feared he provoked. Had he confused the doctor with his oversharing? Sega’a knew his whim for the dramatic, but he was confident he avoided hyperbole in his account. Right? He pursed his lips and reflected on his words. “Oh…” he muttered inwardly, “slime devils.”

“Thank you for sharing,” Kastarak said, using some platitudes he had learnt would help diffuse situations of great tensions. For Kastarak, this was indeed a conversation of much tension. He wondered how much of the tension that might be observable to others, Sega’a in particular. “Before I give you feedback on what you said, I should like to notice the last thing you said. You say you are soul doomed to live a life commanded by sentiment. That sounds like you are a prisoner to a tyrant. Is that what a life with emotions is like?”

“‘Doomed’ was a poor choice of words…” Sega’a coughed, concealing his chagrin behind an apologetic grin. “Although we may feel imprisoned at times, I assure you, we maintain our autonomy. Emotions are more like an extra sense. We navigate the world through the depth and meaning they add to our experiences. But, like any sense, they may mislead or be misled. That is when conflict arises.”

“We Vulcans use the koncept of katra for the soul, and for us, the katra is not imprisoned but something that is within us. We were once prisoners to our emotions. I don’t know how much you know of Vulcan history, but in our history, we were prisoners to our emotions, and that caused untold pain upon our people, until, of course, the destruction of Vulcan and the instant death of nearly all Vulcans in the universe.”

Kastarak realized that what he had said would probably be taken a bit different from what he had intended, and he continued,

“That said, there are some meditative techniques that can help suppress emotions, and thereby free the prisoner, so to speak, from the coommand of sentiment. Should you like, I would be agreeable to teach you some at whatever time of your convenience.”

This was Kastarak’s way of showing that maybe they could keep on meeting, one way or another. As he waited for Sega’a to respond, Kastarak realized he had not even given Sega’a any feedback on the earlier exposé that was given as a response to his question. Due to Sega’a’s fatalism, which concerned Kastarak, triggering in him his medical training, he thought this was more important to focus on, and then later, he could return to the exposé.

– Dr Kastarak (ensign)

He knew enough about Vulcan history to appreciate the conflict many endured. They were innately passionate, vibrant people with feelings that would overwhelm any Orion or human. But the violence of those emotions condemned them to a cycle of catastrophe. He could not speak to the importance of Surak and his teachings, nor the ongoing endeavour to purge what once pained them, but he could admire their persistence and grieve (in his mind) their loss. As Kastarak explained, he offered only his undivided attention - no comments nor gestures that might taint his words. When he offered to teach Sega’a meditative techniques, he couldn’t help but crack a tiny smile. Was this his shot to befriend Kastarak?

“I would like that very much,” Sega’a said. He held admittedly little knowledge about meditation and mindfulness. Though he appreciated its significance to other cultures, Sega’a always found he lacked the time or patience to try. Maybe Kastarak would be able to break through the restlessness in him. “I can always make time, so just let me know what works for you.”

— Sega’a

-----‐--------------------------------------------------------
In the kitchen.

Chris knew where Sega’a kept the coffee but not tea and he hoped it would be in or near the same place since Sega’a kept similar items together. “Ha! Found you you sneaky devils!” He said to the tea as he pulled the container down and opened it. He took a sniff Then his wires got wide! “Dang! So this is what it smells line before its brewed. It’s even worse.” Having the coffee out to make him some he quickly opened it and to a sniff. “Ahh! That’s more like it.”

After pouring water into the coffee maker and started the pot, Chris grabbed the kettle and filled it and put it on the stove to heat up. Then he just had a realization! A bad one. He’s never made Vulcan tea before and he crew is expecting well made tea like Sega’a’s. “Hmm. Well nobody can make anything like Sega’a, but I need to come close.” Looking around he found what he was looking for and went to the door and called out. “Everything is fine in here and the tea is on. I’ll be out in awhile with it. Please continue with what you all are doing.”

Sega’a, engrossed in his discussion, waved an absent hand that neglected the Captain’s suspicion-raising comment.

He then smiled and closed the door again and quickly went over to Comm station and flicked the switch. [O] Room to room communication with Executive Officer T’Aria.”.....

[Quarters, XO]

T’Aria peered at the comm panel mocking her from across the room. Why was Taggart calling at this hour? And why was he whispering? She untangled her limbs and pulled herself to her feet. Wasn’t NLt. Konrad handling the bridge tonight? T’Aria could speculate for hours, but it wouldn’t help Taggart’s emergency… if this was an emergency at not some midnight escapade with a tragic resolution. [O]T’Aria, here. What do you need sir… and does it necessitate secrecy?[O]

Surely he wouldn’t be using an open channel for a ‘top secret’ communique. They had protocol for that. Then again, he was Chris Taggart.

one she answered. Chris whispered. “T’Aria. This is Chris. How do I make Vulcan tea. I’m also whispering so I don’t look like an idiot in front of the crew. Please help me.[O]

Captain Chris Taggart CO

— Sega’a, chef / musician

Tea. He comm’d in the early hours of the morning to learn the art of Vulcan steeping. And, judging by the urgency in his tone, she suspected it was a time-sensitive matter. T’Aria took in a shallow, sobering breath and pressed a finger to the comm.

[O] What ingredients have you gathered? [O]

[O] I have all the ingredients. Honey, spices, different teas like black and green. [O]

That was a better response than a deadpan ‘it’s no different than any other tea’, wasn’t it? Besides, if he wanted to impress his guests, he couldn’t make standard spice tea. He must, as humans often said, ‘step up his game’. And she knew just the recipe.

— T’Aria, XO / Tea-meister?

— Sega’a

[O] I’ll be honest with you T’Aria. I’m here in the mess hall and the crew are actually laughing, playing music, mingling and talking in deep discussions. I haven’t seen this since we left all those years ago. With the wars we’ve fought, the crew we’ve lost and the bond that we have all shared and broken.....I..I....I just wanted to get this one thing right. I’m sorry to call on you so early, but I really had no other option. Please forgive me? [O] He really did want to keep this moment going on for a bit longer before real life came crashing down on them once more.

Chris

While Sega’a was off chatting with Kastarak and the Captain was making tea, Umbri quietly returned to the piano. Seeing all of these people around them brought together by music gave them hope. They decided to play a piece that expressed that hope.

(Music!)

Lt. (j.g.) Umbri Zayne, Tactical Chief

(OOC: Bumping for myself / tidying up. Replies coming soon!! - Trin)