Posted by Lieutenant Nathan Harland (Assistant CNS/ Child Psychiatry) in There’s No Place Like Home: Three Months Ago — USS Loki

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There’s No Place Like Home: Three Months Ago — Earth
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Chloe descended the steps of Starfleet medical and took a deep breath.   The air smelled of saltwater being this close to the Bay.  Closing her eyes she remembered standing in this same spot feeling nothing but hope and exhilaration about her future.  The air, landscape, and people were still the same after a decade.  Ten years ago she bopped down the steps eager to start her new life and deployment.  Today she went to the same office an probably the same people as she did ten years before to get a date and destination for her future but appearances were so deceiving.  Nothing about her mood was excited or happy.   Her feet felt like lead weights were strapped to them with every step she took.   As her eyes drifted taking in the panoramic view of her youth, they spotted the top of Oracle stadium in the distance.  Whether the flags she saw snapping the wind were from the stadium or not didn’t matter.  It was what the tiny pieces of fabric symbolized that mattered.   Once they would have given her a warm rush as memories of that night consumed her.  Now it only generated the feeling of a noose around her neck.   That one decision had changed her life forever. Stopping halfway down, Chloe felt a bubble of panic rise in her chest.  She pulled off her scarf desperate to free her neck for a breath of air.  She was choking, suffocating as she looked around at the trees, people, and crystal blue skies over the academy.  Scratching her neck, she freed it from the soft cashmere cloth.  Anger coursed through her body and her hand shook as she released it.  The fabric crumpled into a puddle at her feet.  Why she wore it today would be something Chloe would question over and over again.  It was a gift from Nathan once upon a time when they were happy.  That time had long since passed.   She should have gotten rid of it along with everything else that man had given her.       

Chloe fought the urge to collapse on the marble steps.  It would bring too much attention.  She barely passed the physical examination to re-enlist and she was not mentally fit to do what she was about to embark upon.  Heck, the only reason Chloe Anne Kendrick passed the psychiatric portion of the evaluation was due to Nathan’s colleagues.  Like all professions, it was about who you knew and her soon to be ex-husband had a lot of people he knew.  Fortunately for her, like everything else in a divorce, all things were divided equally between both parties.  Cars, knick-knacks, dishes, and friends:  all were just pieces of community property to be divvied up between the legal agencies of “That’s Mine That’s Yours”.   Dr. Calvin had been divvied to her side which had been her only saving grace in this venture.  He had done a stint in Starfleet years ago and was friends with one of the counselors, Dr, Bentley, who conducted the mental evaluations at Starfleet Medical.  After a round of golf and several drinks at the clubhouse, Calvin had Bentley firmly believing that this was the best course of action for Chloe to get on with her life.  If Calvin had personally seen her that day she called him when he agreed to help her, his license would have been pulled for malpractice.   Chloe hadn’t showered in several days and never changed out of her clothes during that time moving only from the bed to the bathroom.   She had lost so much weight her body seemed to have hard bones poking out of places that once were covered in soft skin.  She could barely hold a thought and for all intents and purposes was acting like a junkie but one strung out of too much caffeine and nicotine.  Once he did see her, Calvin had coached her on answers to explain why she looked and acted that way so any counselor bought her story.    People believe what they wanted.  All Chloe Harland nee Kendrick needed to do was let the people around her slide into the comfortable lie that she was just distraught about the divorce and bravely starting a new life on her own.

Taking several gulps of air deeply she began to recite the mantra that had made her take this course of action.  Strangely enough, it was a quote that hung outside her father-in-law’s practice.  

Close some doors today. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance but simply because they lead you nowhere …

.  This was penned long ago by a man named Paulo Coelho and resonated deeply within her.   After several recitations, Chloe was moving.  One step in front of another down a single step and then two.  Her steps led her through the academy past a million memories.   A song played softly from the outdoor cafe she spent hours hanging out with friends and studying. 

“Cause the drinks bring back all the memories,  Memories bring back, memories bring back you…” 

The laughter from a table snapped Chloe out of her daydream watching the young cadets so carefree and light.    She would have sold her soul to go back in time because unlike the song claimed memories would never bring back him back home.”

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There’s No Place Like Home: Three Months Ago — USS Loki
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“Than you Admiral, I know this has been a sudden request… lot of sudden things I feel lately.” Nathan said with a low tone as he sat across from the monitor as Admiral Perkins face stared back at Nathan as the older Admiral seemed to narrow his gaze a bit as he nodded slightly.

“Well the Loki will miss your guidance, but I can understand having a family… and Senator Harland was very kind in his words about you when he came to me.” Perkins said, his face a bit terse as Nathan couldn’t help but smirk ever so softly. I bet he did. Nathan said to himself, Matthew Harland, Senator Matthew Harland was Nathan’s cousin, one of the few in his family he seemed to get along with. One of the few people that could out power Perkins was always someone who had the words ‘Senator’ before their names.

“I will tell Matt how gracious you have been sir, I am sure he will appreciate you doing such a solid for our family. I know the funding of that Mythology program has been a very big thing you have been working toward. Captain Bordeaux is getting the ship I hear? Bet you are thrilled your fleet is getting the honor of the newest ship.” Nathan said as he began to think about all the things Kelly had ever said about Perkins, Commodore when she knew him. If only you could see this Kelz. Nathan thought to himself, her posting on the Atlantis had meant he hadn’t seen her very often but he did get to meet her and her Husband last year, before all things had falling apart.

“Yes well…” Perkins said, visibly flustered but not wanting to rustle any feathers as he seemed to keep his gaze icy and directly on Nathan. “…the paper work will take awhile, but by the beginning of the near year you will be officially on Outpost 42. I wish you well Lieutenant, Perkins out.” came the reply as the screen instantly went black as Nathan let out a loud sigh of relief to have that much over with. Looking over on his desk a small photo shined almost as if it was his most prized possession as he looked at it with a soft smile.

Picking up the picture he looked at as he rubbed his hand over the glass as he closed his eyes briefly. The photo showed him holding his oldest son Logan, with Chloe keeping Madie and Mara in each of her hands as Nathan had his hand around the waist of his wife. The image was no more than a year old as he opened his eyes as a small tear fell as it landed on the glass as it splashed slightly before running down the frame.

“I’m getting you guys back, even if it kills me.” Nathan said softly as he took his sleeve as he wiped away the tear before clearing the rest from his eyes before placing the picture back on his desk. Moving from his desk Nathan found the liquor cabinet, it’s doors seemed well used as he opened them as he grabbed a glass and bottle of Grecken 72, a bottle from one of his favorite breweries Malt Masters.

Sitting down on his couch he felt the springs seeming to accept his weight maybe a little to easy, as if this was a favorite position for him as he began pouring a drink in his glass. “Computer, lower lights by 40%.” he said as the light in the room became dim as he sat looking at the whiskey swish inside the bottle in front of him. Downing it back as if it was nothing more than water he quickly began pouring a second, and a third.

Nathan Harland